Not Yours

child rape survivor. Just a page of feeling so I know the ones I have aren’t strange

[antigonies]

“am I supposed to be grateful to have survived this?”

— Brenna Twohy, from “I Know It’s a Little Late,” Forgive Me My Salt 

[we-will-try--again]

School systems need to be changed or educated. When I was 12 I told my teacher I was scared to go home. She then told me I was being silly and to go home. Little did she know I was being raped almost daily by a 40yo man. This lead to me thinking that he was right...no one would believe me. I was continuely raped for another year until we moved away. Listen when a child is scared to go/be home.

[we-will-try--again]

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.

Margaret Atwood

[lifebloodblue]

Autism: why I (as an autistic person) don’t believe in functioning labels or severity levels

-Calling someone “low functioning” takes away their agency and discredits any abilities they may have. It’s especially unfair to call someone this solely because they are nonverbal

-Calling someone “high functioning” discredits any difficulties the person may have and often puts an expectation on them to display little or no autism traits

-Autism isn’t just one thing; it’s a myriad of different traits. It’s each specific trait that a person may have or display an “amount” or “level” of, not autism itself

-Autism is a spectrum, but it is not a straight line from “low functioning” to “high functioning”. Some better ways of describing it, suggested by members of the online autism community, are a circle with sections for different traits, and a sundae bar with ice cream and toppings representing traits

-An individual may have some traits that would make the individual considered “high functioning” and others that would make them considered “low functioning”, and they may have an even amount of both

-All autistic people are members of the autism community, and we don’t need or want to be divided against each other by what we can or can’t do, especially by non-autistic people

[yesbpdbabe-deactivated20210115]

isn’t it fucked up to know that you have lifelong mental illnesses that could’ve been easily prevented if you hadn’t had a traumatic childhood lmao

[cptsdraw]

[traumaeyed-deactivated20210519]

What it’s like to live with a terrifying parent

Mastering how to walk while making the least amount of noise

Refusing to leave your room in fear of being targeted or humiliated

Coming home from school not knowing what scene you’ll see when you open the door

Expecting to die within the near future, not expecting to live to be an adult

Starving yourself with the intent of never leaving your room

Urinating or defecating in cans or bottles in fear of leaving your room

 Making a habit of locking doors behind you

Finding more comfort in fictional characters than your peers

Feeling overwhelming fear when imagining asking them for anything, especially when thinking of asking them for help or emotional support

Refusing to speak up about the abuse in fear of being killed or injured

Listening to music to mask the sound of arguments or screaming in the other room

Agreeing with everything the parent says even if you disagree

Wondering years later how you’re still alive

Not knowing how to live, only knowing how to survive

Feeling an intense amount of mistrust towards other adults outside your home

Never feeling like you’re alone, feeling like you always have eyes watching you

Avoiding going home, doing everything you can to stay at school, go out with friends, or take the longest route home

Over-analyzing your every move in fear it might upset them if you do the wrong thing

Never having friends over

Never having a social life

Using your most treasured hobby to escape your reality

Not knowing what to expect. Ever.

[sucknarutoes]

in 2019 can we stop acting like someone talking or making art about their pain is some sort of fake deep cringe factor can we let traumatized people hurt and heal in peace

[ohrotten]

[salty-inc]

[fuwaprince]

S/o to trauma survivors forced to start a new life in order to truly escape their abusive situations- the ones who fled their home towns, abandoned friendships without a word, packed a single bag of belongings and booked it. Your sacrifices were worth the newfound freedom. I promise. You did what you had to do in order to survive. Please don’t regret making the difficult decision to leave

[angelichottie222]

“Childhood trauma can affect a person so greatly because of its prescence in the time of developmemt. Events that would normally change a person become embedded in every fiber of one’s identity. It is this time of life which is so crucial to your entire future. This is the unique nature of C-PTSD, which doesn’t merely change a person, it creates them. It builds every trait, interest, and understanding of the world with this toxin. Nothing is unaffected or unaltered because all there is to alter was created by the trauma. Moving forward is not moving back to before the trauma, it is in every essence a rebirth and reeducation of life itself. To move on we can not erase, because to erase trauma’s effect we in theory erase ourselves.”

— Understanding Childhood C-PTSD (via realize-my-real-lies)

[thatbpdweirdo]

fun ptsd things:

*flinching at the tiniest sound even if it’s just the cat moving the blinds to see through them (the body screams We are under attack)

*wishing you could record therapy sessions bc your memory is shot (but holds on tightly to trauma memories)

*physically taking up less space and trying to sink into yourself just in case danger is nearby and it always is even when it isn’t

*having more triggers than smiles and wishing NT’s would be more considerate and stop making jokes of them

*automatically scanning crowds for a familiar face that you do not want to see

*not knowing who you are without the suffocating safety blanket that is ptsd

*notebooks/art etc marred with angry scribbles bc you did not choose this life and the damage needs an outlet

*generally feeling like your existence on this earth is a near constant state of suffering and it’s exhausting so you’re tired even after sleeping

[hexxit-deactivated20180526]

does anyone else with intrusive thoughts do that weird dismissive head shake when they get them to kinda like.. reverse/reject the thought or is that just me

[meow-n-save]

Gotta shake your brain like an etch-n-sketch and start over

[bpdaze]

What up, I’m Jared, I’m 19 and I never fucking learned how to properly cope with my traumas

[traumabell]

[trashmutts-deactivated20190327]

anyways shout out to the traumatized kids who’s schoolwork suffered severely and teachers never recognized it for what it was. for those of us who grew up with the labels of slow or unfocused or inattentive because of how our trauma impacted our development and ability to do school. we’re not stupid, we never were. we were hurting children who fell through the cracks.