i vaguely promised this about a year ago, it took me about a year to get like, half of these??? and then over the last two days i ended up compiling enough for like, three lists, so here’s one of the lists!! do NOT add to this list!!! i have other lists ready!!!
“ i wanna have a baby with you. “
“ i don’t know if i’m ready to be a mom/dad/parent… “
“ actually, do you mind if we meet at the park instead? i’m sorry, it’s just… i can’t stand the smell of coffee anymore. or lavender. the baby is super picky, it seems! “
“ huh… that’s one hell of a unique craving, you know. “
“ look, we had fun. it was good! but, you know… i-i didn’t sign up for this. i’m not exactly cut out for the parenting life. “
“ hey, go rest yourself, alright? let me handle the chores; you can’t be lifting these boxes in your condition! “
“ i think the baby’s using my bladder as a stress toy… “
“ i… i think my water just broke. “
“ you know, before this, i could pretend everything was normal. but now… i mean, i’m wearing a maternity dress. it’s official. it’s real. and i’m beginning to freak out a little… “
“ you swiped right. you wore a condom. you didn’t sign up for a baby, and i get it. i don’t want you sticking around because you think you’re supposed to. this is just me informing you. okay? “
“ hey, hey, it’s okay! false alarm, the doctor called it braxton-hicks contractions. totally normal; i just need to go home and take it easy for a bit. “
“ i mean, look at these little booties! look how tiny they are! it shouldn’t be possible that there’s gonna be feet that small! “
“ look, i don’t like you living so far away… why don’t you move in with me? i have plenty of space, it’s closer to the hospital, a good neighborhood… what do you think? “
“ if i get married, i want it to be because of love, not because of a positive pregnancy test. “
“ so… that was the surrogate. it’s good news, babe… we’re gonna have a baby. we’re gonna be parents! “
“ the adoption agency just called. they want us to come in tomorrow… sweetie, they say they might have a kid for us… “
“ the IVF worked! we’re gonna have a baby! “
“ hey, it says you shouldn’t eat salad while you’re pregnant. nice one! “
“ do you mind if i put you as my emergency contact? it’s just that the hospital needs one, it’s no big deal, just standard procedure for pregnant patients. “
“ here, i can drive you to the next appointment, if you like. it’s a scan, right? you shouldn’t have to miss out on that! it’s no trouble, seriously. “
“ now, i know you said you didn’t want one, but… the others organized a surprise baby shower for you. try to look surprised, please? “
“ how far along are you? “
“ so, i saw a maternity pillow in the baby store on the way here, and i thought i’d get it for you. you said you were having trouble sleeping, right? “
“ you know, with the baby coming along… i was kinda thinking of maybe getting a new place. one closer to the schools, with a nice garden, more space, a safe neighborhood… what do you think? “
“ can you stop?! i’m pregnant, for crying out loud, it’s not like i’m made of glass! “
“ yeah, well, the father wants nothing to do with us, so… single parenthood ought to be a blast, right? “
“ i know we’ve been trying for so long, but… now that it’s finally happening, i’m starting to freak out a little. what if i’m a bad parent? “
“ i brought lunch, orange juice, a bunch of nail polish, and the entire aisle of baby-proofing stuff at the supermarket. you’re in charge of music and relaxing on the couch, i’ll handle everything else. got it? “
“ sorry, i don’t mean to cry all over you… god, this is so embarrassing, i don’t even know if i’m crying because of the hormones or because of my actual problems! “
“ so, remember last week when i couldn’t go out because of the stomach flu? turns out it wasn’t the stomach flu. i’m having a baby. “
“ i’ve decided to give the baby up for adoption. “
“ sweetheart, just because we can’t get pregnant, doesn’t mean we can’t have a baby… what if we adopted? “
“ pregnant, huh? wow… h-how do you feel? “
“ listen… i’m/you’re pregnant now. and as much as we mightn’t want it to, that means that a lot of stuff is gonna change. and that’s okay! right? “
“ i don’t know how to feel about having and raising a kid when i don’t know if i can keep them safe… “
“ i thought i’d bring you some meals, you know, for the freezer. i figure you might be too busy to cook once this little one comes along! “
“ no way, this is too dangerous for someone who’s pregnant. “
“ i already know this kid’s gonna be the luckiest kid in the world. they’ve got you as a mom/dad/parent/aunt/uncle/etc. “
“ how long have you known? you know, about the baby. “
“ look, i know we said i wouldn’t, but i couldn’t resist! these baby-gros were just too cute! i got five of them, and i kept the receipt if you hate them, so there’s no harm done either way! “
“ i’m so sorry to bother you, but would you mind picking up my keys? i dropped them, and my bump’s kinda in my way! “
“ so, i was wondering… when the time comes, would you wanna be in the delivery room with me? “
“ hey, so i was thinking… when the baby comes, if you have nobody else in mind, i could be in the delivery room with you, if you want? or the waiting room, whichever! “
