First Love; Love First (Alan Pitts)
Question for you, when I say the words “First Love,” which face pops into your head? Is it that person that sat across from you in class and made your nervous heart race up into your young throat? Is it that famous celebrity that made you swoon every time that they graced the screen? Or is it someone that you haven’t even met yet, your ideal image of the perfect significant other? Could it even be the person that you’re involved in a relationship with right now? Whatever your response is, hold that image in your mind for a moment. Can you remember the feeling that person brought into your life? What would you have sacrificed for that person? What would you have given to make that person happy?
What happens when we rearrange the words “First Love” and change the phrase to “Love First?” Who do you love first? Would that change the face that pops into your head? You’re probably familiar with the saying “you have to love yourself first.” In some ways, it has been a cliché of words we use to pat someone on the shoulder after a relationship ends. Like many clichés, however, there is a remarkable thread of absolute truth woven into those words. When it comes down to it, you honestly do need to love yourself first.
What does that even mean? How do you even love yourself? Think back to that First Love. Remember the lengths that you would go to in order to make them happy. Remember the sacrifices you were willing to make. Think about how much effort you would put into cultivating that relationship. Ask yourself if you honestly invest that same amount of energy into your relationship with self. By virtue of passing time, relationships can never stay the same; they require constant growth. They either grow stronger and closer together, or they grow apart. In order to grow together, they require work, time, and sacrifice. In order to grow apart, they only require time.
Put forth the effort. Sacrifice. Invest. Cultivate. Nurture. Exercise love. Learn to see yourself with honest eyes not clouded by judgement or expectation. Spend time getting to truly know yourself and learn to love the skin that you’re in right now. Become excited for the person you are developing yourself into. Learn to transform yourself into the person you desire to be for nobody else but you. Make yourself happy. Give yourself the gift of love, appreciation, and acceptance.
This is not an excuse for selfish moral irresponsibility. This is the most compassionate first step that you can take into building stronger more, loving relationships with everyone else in your life. Remember that love is a gift that comes from within. In purest form, love is an expression of self. Long before you can truly give that gift to someone else, you have to know how to give that gift to yourself. Instead of being lost in the awkward beauty of adolescent affections, spend some time cultivating the longest relationship you will ever have. Love First.
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