Bonus- Mirko’s mission pt.1
Mirko: So that’s the plan that Fufu asked me to fulfil! Want to be my partner in crime?
Ryuko: That seems like a stupid plan. Why are you doing it?
Mirko: Cause my little bunny boo asked me to and I get to hit Hawks with a softball bat!
Ryuko *strokes chin and looks thoughtful*: Both valid points- Especially the last.
Mirko: I know! The Todoroki’s had me the moment they said that~
Ryuko: Very well- But I want to hit Hawks with the softball bat.
Mirko: What no, I get to do that! You can hit either Endeavour or Hawks boyfriend- I don’t know exactly who he is. Apparently he’s Fufu’s brother who needs redeeming.
Ryuko: You do know if Endeavour or Hawks reports this you’re screwed?
Mirko: WHO CARES! I want to show Fufu I’m not somebunny who’s a random side character- I’m a main!
Ryuko: What does that mean? Are you-
Mirko: Breaking the fourth wall? YES. So just ignore that comment, it wasn’t for you~
Ryuko: Oh dear. You’re in the wrong cinematic universe- Fox will have your head if they realise you ripped off the rip-off Spider-Mans main thing.
Mirko: HA. I REGRET NOTHING. So will you join me?
Ryuko *Sigh*: I have decided I shall. If you’re going to get arrested, at least have a friend at you side.
Mirko: YAY! AND I THOUGHT YOU DIDNT CARROT ALL!
Ryuko: One thing- How are we doing this?
Mirko: FURRY SUITS. BASEBALL BATS. J-POP.
Ryuko: You’re not *bleeping* serious.
Ryuko *Starts to walk away*: On second thought-
Mirko: Too late, you agreed~
Mirko: *Grabs her shoulders, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and motioning in front of them*
Mirko: Now marvel at our future as a gang who will capture the top two pros and a confused chicken nugget! See it shine gloriously before us! *Gestures in front of them*
Ryuko *Raised eyebrow*: Firstly, Why is our third victim a chicken nugget-
Mirko: Last I checked, Hawks last true love was a 24 pack of McNuggets, so I’m assuming his current love is a chicken nugget-
Ryuko: Secondly, why is our future a discount Sports outlet? *Is referring to the sports shop they are standing out the front of and what Mirko is gesturing at*
Mirko: Because I don’t want to invest in expensive sports gear!
Mirko: And spent all my money on the rest of the things we need for this stunt!
Ryuko: Oh god what did I agree to.
Ryuko: I need to get funeral insurance and sign my will.
Mirko: That’s the spirit! Our teamwork skills are going to be so much fun together~
Ryuko: Teamwork? What is that?
Mirko: Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself! Especially when you’re doing something highly illegal!
(They’re standing out the front, dressed in black with bandanas covering their mouths. Mirko and Ryuko both have rope tied to their shoulders and softball bats- Ryuko has a bag)
Mirko: And they live here~
Ryuko: What a nice place- *Dripping with sarcasm* Except for the grave sized hole at the front and the piles of ash covering it. Definitely not suspicious.
Mirko: That’s probably nothing- Ready?
Ryuko: I said I was 10 minutes ago.
Mirko: I’ll take that as a yes!
(Runs up to door, knocks as Ryuko waves her hands, facepalms, angrily whispers and looks confused as Mirko waits)
Ryuko *Angry Whispers*: My god, have you never heard of a stealth mission? You don’t just knock on the door!
Mirko: Why not? I don’t see any problem with it.
Ryuko: Because whoever answers is bound to be suspicious!
Mirko: Not if I hit them quick enough~
(The door opens, Hawks behind it. He raises his eyebrow)
Hawks: Mirko! *Sees outfit, bat, rope and bag* Should I be worried?
Mirko: No, no! Of course not- *Whistles tune- Attempts to hide bat behind back while Ryuko facepalms in the background*
Hawks *Suspicious*: Alright, alright. Why are you standing out the front of my house with softball bats and dressed like thrift shop ninjas?
Ryuko: BECAUSE- *Walks up and steps in front of Mirko* We came to kidnap your neighbour! We were just coming to ask if you’d mind ignoring any screams and ruckus you hear.
Hawks: Why are you kidnapping my neighbour?
Mirko *Leans on doorframe, does Jake Peralta impression*: Offical hero business- Ask no questions, get no answers.
Hawks: Right. Not suspicious at all.
Ryuko: *cough* Like that body shaped hole in your front yard *cough*
Hawks: Oh no, that’s just where I bury stuff that I leave around the house- I dug it up recently to throw away some unneeded jeans!
Hawks *Narrows eyes and grins*: It’s actually hilarious- They went out of season like Best Jeanist’s will to fight!
Mirko: That seemed to hint at something ominous and foreshadowing
Hawks: HAHA HILARIOUS IGNORE I SAID THAT. Anyways! Want to come in for a tea break? I’m sure you have time before you kidnap my neighbour!
Mirko and Ryuko: *Look at each other, then Hawks, then each other again- His eyes are glinted in a weird way*
(Hawks lets them in, they take of their shoes and sit at the table. Half of the chairs in the room are faced backwards. Some chicks are sitting on the table- They look like they’re in their teenish years. Hawks has gone to the kitchen to make tea)
Hawks: *Points teaspoon at Ryuko aggressively*
Hawks: Bish, if you touch my children I will cut you.
Ryuko: With a teaspoon? I’m filled to the brim with terror.
Hawks: *Deadpan* Hah no, with my feathers.
Hawks: *Suddenly Enthusiastic as he pulls a large feather blade off and caress’s it* I’d slowly cut open your throat so that you can feel the pain without dying to quickly, then make a new cut going from your chest down to your stomach in a way that allows your organs to slowly fall out- Of course, starting from the middle of your throat slit and going down! That’s leaving out the fun little details that I’d add to make your pain ever worse- *Slightly dreamy* I’d be relishing the muffled gasps you’d make and the pleas you’d try to say but couldn’t because I’d pull your voice box out and shove it back down your throat through your mouth! Then I’d use this little teaspoon to scoop your eyes out and put them with your voicebox so that when you try to scream you’ll choke yourself to death! That’s of course is you weren’t dead by that point already~
Mirko *Disturbed*: Mate. Mate.
Mirko: *Blinks- Is holding one chicken, looks at it then Hawks, slowly without breaking eye contact puts it down and steps back from it, still keeping eye contact as Hawks watches. The chick clucks*
Mirko: What the *bleep* man
Hawks: *Laughs, grins at them and brings over tea*
Hawks: It was just a joke, don’t worry! *Sudden intensity* But I’d totally act on it if you put my kiddos in danger!
Mirko: Lets not do that then...
Ryuko: *Eyes chick then Hawks, who is sipping his tea and looking at her* Sounds good!
Mirko: Anyways Hawks, how are you going? You’ve been fairly low key all in all these last few months.
Hawks: *Sits down on chair backwards so he’s facing the table and shrugs, sipping his tea*
Hawks: I’ve been having a break, doing more undercover work, that type of thing~
Mirko: Interesting- SO. Any plans-
Hawks: Hush your sweet lips- *Leans over table and puts a finger to her mouth* You do know I know what’s going on here right? It’s so obvious!
Mirko and Ryuko: *Both look at each other, than the tea, than Hawks*
Ryuko: Oh thank god! You’re smart enough to tell what we’re actually doing- even an idiot would be able to work out what’s happening! And here I thought you wouldn’t-
Hawks: How could I not know my best friends besty isn’t straight! I’m totally surprised you didn’t come out sooner, but now you’re here asking for advice from a fellow gay!
Hawks: Why do you think I made tea? To drink? It’s because- *Tips tea out next to him on to floor* We’re here to spill the tea!
Mirko *Puts hands in face and groans*: Dude no...
Ryuko: Nevermind I take back everything I said-
Hawks: Don’t worry sis! I’m totally prepared for this- Ryuko was hard to read at first but now it’s totally obvious!
Hawks: Straight? Don’t worry! *Wraps arm around her shoulders and does the classic Buzz lightgear gesture*
Hawks: Welcome to the gay side my friend! We have rainbows and pride~
Mirko: *Trying not to laugh*
Hawks: I know, I know! Don’t worry, you’re just in denial!
Ryuko: *Bangs fist on table and grabs mouth, shaking with laughter.*
Hawks: That’s why me and Mirko are here to help! We’re both gay and can show you how to navigate through these weird, new feelings of being attracted to people of the same gender! You won’t go through this alone- you know why?
Hawks *Has almight voice on*: BECAUSE WE ARE HERE! To council you through your gay times~
Mirko: Ohmygoshyouturnedhimimtoaprideucon! GOD- *Tears In eyes and laughing as Ryuko looks at Hawks in horror, removing his arm like it was some sort of gay biohazard*
Ryuko: I respect you and your opinions Hawks, but I’m not gay.
Hawks *Facepalms* Ah that’s right! You’re a lesbian! Not gay, that’s with guys. *Wiggles eyebrows and burst out laughing as Ryuko blushes and buries her face in her hands*
Mirko: *Is banging hand and head on table roaring with laughter*
Ryuko: MY *Bleeping* GOD I AM THIS CLOSE TO HITTING YOU WITH MY BAT-
Hawks: *Elbows her and chuckles* You wouldn’t do that!
Mirko: Mate, I think she’s actually serious.
Hawks: Nah- I’m just having fun! Coming out is stressful, I know, but at least we’re supportive! When I came out my parents blamed it on my mutant quirk, or vice versa, I never knew, then forced me to date girls. Little did they now that made me fed up withGoes deadpan and leans in to Fuyumi and Ryuko, whispering* I’m still 100% she’s gay thought because of that message you accidentally send to me that was meant Endeavours dau- *WHACK*
Ryuko: HUSH THOSE SWEET LIPS NUMBER 2!
Ryuko: NOTHING! HE SAID NOTHING- *Is behind Hawks with bat- She clearly just hit him- She whacks him again*
Hawks: *Has a look of surprise on his face, blinking* Ouch. *Faceplants on to table unconscious*
Ryuko: That doesn’t matter, we should just ignore that!
Mirko: NO WE SHOULDN’T!
Ryuko: ANYWAYS! Why don’t we get into those furry costumes and whatever, throw this nerd into the boot and kidnap the final person on our list?
Mirko: Fine- But I’m hitting the next person- Got it mate?
Mirko: Now get into your costume partner and let’s kidnap the problem child of the bunch!
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