Life, Love, and Lyrics @weepingwillowswallow - Tumblr Blog

New Adventure, Day 4

It’s the fourth day at a new college, and things are better, but not great. Trying to meet people and make friends is literally the worst. I am stuck in this weird transfer purgatory in which everyone around me already made friends last year as a freshman, and I am just totally stuck without a clue as to what to do. I am already introverted so talking to strangers is like torture, but not having friends here is even worse.

My roommate is nice, I literally have no complaints except that I am so busy I have spent like all of 3 hours total talking to her.

Also, the homework here is never-ending. Literally I feel like I am drowning in everything I have to do. I go to class all morning, do homework till about 9:30, shower, bed, then have to get up at 6am. I barely have time to even eat.

Transferring will also completely screw over any chance you have of getting into classes you actually need. Like there is only so many waitlists and then not getting into a class that one person can handle.

Also, I did some math. And i need to take 18 credits every semester, plus a summer/interterm course or two to graduate on time. So basically its safe to say I am freaking out.

4 days in, exhausted already, and complaining like crazy. Yay for college.

New Beginning

I decided to treat tumblr like a place to vent/open up about what is going on in my life currently, mostly to just have all of my thoughts written out in front of me. And because literally no one still uses this website on a daily basis, nor do they care to read a huge wall of text about my personal life. So, I will send my thoughts off into the abyss that is the internet.

I am starting college all over again today, and it is honestly terrifying. Freshman year was a nightmare, I don't think a single day went by that I didn’t cry. In order to get out of a completely toxic mental state, I applied to transfer schools to be with the love of my life. And now here I am. A sophomore at a huge University in which I know 1 person. Plus my roommate, who I met for the first time a few hours ago. I can’t help but feel this sense of anxiety creeping in, the loneliness of being surrounded by strangers feeling like a constant suffocation. And I have no idea how to make it better.

This all sounds so dramatic when i read it to myself, but thats me. Dramatic.

The first semester of sophomore year started out with me begging to come home, wanting to drop out of college all together. And then i ended up being paired with the absolute best roommate/person. She literally was my complete opposite and challenged my negativity daily. And i finally made friends. Friends that I loved and then had to leave. In High school making friends was easy, I mean most of the people I had known since i was like 7 years old. But college is like, “Yes hello here are 6 super hard classes, and also here is a person you have never met before but you have to live with them. Also, you owe us $60k. Have a great year!” Yeah, no.

I guess the fact that my depression led to me living in a constant state of anxiety for so many years doesn't help anything. And being introverted.

I love being so close to the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. But having to start my whole life over again and not feeling like I have the strength to do it just makes every moment of the day feel like a battle.

God opened the door for me to be here. Months of tearful, soul bearing prayers to the Lord and He answered me with a YES. So this has to get better right? All sadness is only temporary. And God works all things for the good of those who love Him.

Prayer. Classes. Prayer. Stress. Prayer. Homework. Prayer. Anxiety. Prayer.

Maybe God is just teaching me how to pray better, constantly, look to Him for all things. But this has to feel better soon.

turbinis

hayleypowers

sweet--prince

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therealchampagnemamii

I thought she was sleeping until I heard her call out from across the room, “Will you bring me a glass of water?” I did. Then in her always-sleepy tone and drawl she said, “Do you remember when you were a little boy and you would ask your mama to bring you a glass of water?” Yeah. “You know how half the time you weren’t even thirsty. You just wanted that hand that was attached to that glass that was attached to that person you just wanted to stay there until you fell asleep.” She took the glass of water that I brought her and just sat it down full on the table next to her. Wow, I thought. What am I gonna do with love like this.

One Night from Dito Montiel’s A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints (via kvtes)

turbinis

hello-lolo-blog1

And you tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more. Tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake… You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that. And if he wants to leave, then let him leave. You are terrifying, and strange, and beautiful. Something not everyone knows how to love.

Warsan Shire, For Women Who Are Difficult To Love (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)