'AGAINST EVOL' - Don't Make Us Kick Your Ass

An Aussie and a Kiwi run a blog together. No, it's not the beginning of a joke! It's We Fight Evol, a place where the most hilariously awful, but sincere, things are mercilessly mocked for our (and yours, we hope) amusement!

[wefightevol]

Wherein Morhek is Traumatised by a Bad Film

[11:54:56 p.m.] Morhek: [...] I just watched The Last Airbender and HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.

[11:55:04 p.m.] Morhek: That was fucking WRETCHED.

[11:55:43 p.m.] Morhek: I mean, I was prepared for bad. I laughed through Prometheus, I thought the unriffed Manos wasn't too bad, and I even liked Plan 9. But FUCKING CHRIST was that bad.

[11:55:52 p.m.] Morhek: On practically every level!

[11:56:57 p.m.] Morhek: I will say the music was good. And most of the effects. MOST. The airbending was just awful. And some of the waterbending was terrible as well. But the earthbending was good (WHO PUTS EARTHBENDERS IN A PRISON MADE OF EARTH) and I really liked the firebending.

[11:58:14 p.m.] Morhek: In fact, I just liked the firebenders. The emperor had charisma, Zuko was well acted (for what he was given), Iroh was fantastic, and even Zhao had his charm in a "even this guy can't believe the fucking shit that's going on around him" kind of way. I'm serious, Zhao comes across stunned at the incompetence around him. And I ended up ROOTING FOR THE FIREBENDERS.

[11:58:51 p.m.] Morhek: The racial aspects...well, I think everybody knows about that. Hollywood needs to stop activating the race card, as Abridged Yugi would say.

[11:58:58 p.m.] Morhek: And the PACING.

[11:59:03 p.m.] Morhek: FUCK, MAN

[11:59:27 p.m.] Morhek: Might as well call it STUFF HAPPENED, LETS TALK ABOUT IT the movie

[12:00:56 a.m.] Morhek: And there are moments where I am literally left stunned, unable to comprehend what happened. Like on the ship, where Zuko beats the crap out of his own men. Was that a training exercise? 'Cause he breaks one guy's fucking arm, and blasts another two. They're fucking dead. It's FIRE. THEY AINT GETTING UP. But if it's an assassination attempt, why does he nod at the start? And then GO ON THE RUN?!

[12:01:00 a.m.] Morhek: And the fucking END.

[12:02:17 a.m.] Morhek: Maybe it makes more sense in the series, but "I MADE A WALL OF WATER, EVERYBODY FLEE BEFORE ITS MIGHT EVEN THOUGH I'M JUST HOLDING IT THERE, IT'S NOT LIKE WE COULD STAB YOU IN THE BACK WHILE I'M ZONED OUT AND UNPROTECTED, WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?"

[12:03:49 a.m.] Morhek: And I was almost convinced my xbox was skipping scenes, because the pacing was SO BAD, it felt like so many things happened offscreen that we were expected to know. Which is NOT HOW YOU MAKE A MOVIE.

[12:04:21 a.m.] Morhek: "Try to talk him out of it."

Aang goes to the northern temple.

"I guess your talk didn't work."

WHAT TALK????????

[12:04:59 a.m.] Morhek: I have no idea why he's seeing puff the magic dragon while stoned, because that was so poorly explained

[12:05:33 a.m.] Morhek: "Let's see what the ocean's like today"

IT'S THE OCEAN, IT'S NOT DOING MUCH

[12:05:53 a.m.] Morhek: And I lost track of the number of times I heard "As You Know"

[12:06:07 a.m.] Morhek: What the hell is the Great Library??? SHOW, DON'T TELL!

[12:06:50 a.m.] Morhek: And APPA

[12:06:58 a.m.] Morhek: THAT IS NOT A BISON

[12:07:03 a.m.] Morhek: THOSE ARE NOT THE CLAWS OF A BISON

[12:07:23 a.m.] Morhek: THOSE ARE THE CLAWS OF A HELLBEAST SENT BY SATAN TO DWELL IN MY NIGHTMARES

[12:08:00 a.m.] Morhek: I watched the Nostalgia Critic's review. I thought I was prepared. I thought I might get a good laugh out of it.

[12:08:02 a.m.] Morhek: But...

[12:08:03 a.m.] Morhek: god.

[12:08:14 a.m.] Morhek: I just wasn't prepared. NOTHING can prepare you for this SHIT.

[12:08:28 a.m.] Morhek: I'm not even an Avatar fan, and I'm offended on a personal level!

[12:09:42 a.m.] Morhek: I don't even blame Shyamalan. I really don't. I mean, sometimes the direction was pretty good except for the EXTREME CLOSE UP of Aang in the Earth Nation, but I can forgive that.

[12:09:55 a.m.] Morhek: I can almost forgive the wooden performances. Almost.

[12:10:55 a.m.] Morhek: From what I've heard, it was the producers of the show who were really tying his hands, because they were trying to cram in everything they thought the fans wanted. And given Hollywood's...Hollywood-ness, I'm sure Shyamalan wasn't the one responsible for casting the white actors as asians.

[12:11:32 a.m.] Morhek: Hell, I even liked that the Fire Nation were all Indian. I thought that was cool. And at least Zuko and Zhao were the right ethnicity in this movie-verse.

[12:11:41 a.m.] Morhek: Here I go, back to liking the Fire Nation

[12:11:59 a.m.] Morhek: God, every time I think I'm done, I just remember something new to be appalled at!

[12:12:12 a.m.] Morhek: And Zuko's sister, my god

[12:12:27 a.m.] Morhek: That face will be in my nightmares, right alongside those DEMON CLAWS EW

[12:13:30 a.m.] Morhek: "Are you the Avatar, Aang?"

[12:13:43 a.m.] Morhek: No, he's the fucking Kwisatz Haderach, you moron.

[12:14:04 a.m.] Morhek: Hell, even some of the water bending looked like worms!

[12:15:09 a.m.] Morhek: Which makes the Fire Nation the Harkonens, and really, I can get behind that. Wearing black leather, and clearly the best actors in the movie. Sting and Zuko fighting to the death, alright, make that movie.

[12:15:34 a.m.] Morhek: I even liked Dune! The Spoony/Nostalgia Chick riff was hilarious, and the movie was funny all on its own!

[12:15:44 a.m.] Morhek: My god, I'm rambling...

[12:16:47 a.m.] Morhek: You know what? Stick "Ong" with a gom jabbar, see if he wants to run away then. Paul Atreides had more right to call himself the Avatar than this kid! Hell, he could even water bend!

[12:18:26 a.m.] Morhek: Man, I haven't been this mad at a movie since Alice in Wonderland, but I would take the Mad Hatter fucking futterwackening over this rubbish. At least Depp had some fucking charisma. SOME. Not a whole lot in that movie, but SOME.

[12:19:16 a.m.] Morhek: Sure Fire Nation, send your riding LIZARDS into the freezing ICE CITY.

[12:19:19 a.m.] Morhek: God...

[12:20:01 a.m.] Morhek: Every time Aang airbended, you could visually tell he was on a sound stage. For every good effect, there's an awful one. For every Iroh bursting into fire, there's an Aang avatar state whirlwind.

[12:20:56 a.m.] Morhek: THE HAIR AINT MOVING SHYAMALAN

[12:21:03 a.m.] Morhek: GET SOME GOD DAMN FANS ON SET

[12:21:06 a.m.] Morhek: JESUS

[12:23:42 a.m.] Morhek: I just took a look at the cover, and is it me, or did they photoshop Katara to look more asian?

[12:26:28 a.m.] Morhek: First scene we see Katara and Sokka, he threatens to beat the shit out of her. I'm sure it's meant to be funny, but jesus, the way this guy played it I BELIEVED IT.

[12:26:34 a.m.] Morhek: NOT A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION.

[12:46:02 a.m.] Morhek: AND ANOTHER THING

[12:46:50 a.m.] Morhek: They reveal the Fire Lord pretty early, and I'll admit the guy has some charisma. The guy's a good actor. But the next time we see him, the camera's looking at the back of his head, or his hand, keeping his face out of frame.

[12:47:03 a.m.] Morhek: Why fucking hide it when we've ALREADY SEEN IT

[12:47:35 a.m.] Morhek: GAH

[morhek]

I hope we get a more mature, confident, mellow Doctor with Capaldi. Ten and Eleven were great as vibrant quick ramblers, and Eleven could do the quiet darkness great and Ten was great for the raging outbursts, but I’d love a little bit of a return to a vibe like some of the Classic Era Doctors. Like John Pertwee, or Patrick Troughton - someone you can imagine as your best friend, or your uncle, rather than someone to fall in love with. The Doctor/Clara shipping has already been pretty blatant, and they didn’t even have a season to establish it like they did with Rose. Not that I dislike Clara - I just think that if something is blatant, then it’s because the writer couldn’t bother threading it and layering it behind the story that’s being told. Hell, come to think of it, I’d love it if they ramped down the Big Story Arcs - the Davies era, whatever their faults, hit that sweet spot between standalone episodes and thread seeding. “The bees disappearing" was a bit…underwhelming, but it didn’t reach “Silence Will Fall" or “Lake Silencio" or “Trenzalore" levels.

Dammit, this somehow turned into a Moffat rant.

[iamthebesthumanbeing-deactivate]

holy shit

[funnyinternetjoke-deactivated20]

karkat bigsby vantas

[electricblogodile]

i believe my own facts, therefore they are true

and that is my opinion so you can’t tell me otherwise.

[arachnofiend]

This actually makes me wonder when shipping started becoming a widely used term

I want to say it was Pokemon but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was earlier than that.

[spookynecromancer]

The oldest form of shipping I can remember reading about was apparently the huge amounts of shipping in the Xena: Warrior Princess fan-base, particularly from the fans who were part of the lesbian community. A lot of lesbian fans apparently saw her as a role model and icon, and shipped her and Gabrielle, her sidekick, because of such. There was also a lot of subtext, hints and clues to this intentionally added by the writers. There were heated debates about this apparently. So yes. Shipping as far back as 1995 to 2001. I want to ask Freack whether or not he knows about whether or not people shipped Star Trek back in the 60’s. He’s likely to know, and there is likely to be. 

[morhek]

I’m fairly sure it was actually Star Trek that started “shipping” as a Fandom thing. It may even have coined the phrase? Not sure.

[wefightevol]

Sorry, Star Trek originated the phrase "Slash" apparently. According to wikipedia:

"Though the word "ship" evolved from "relationship", where and when it was first used to indicate involvement with fictional romance is unclear. It is speculated, however, that the first "shipping" started with the TV show The X-Files, in which internet fans thought the two main characters, Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, should be or were engaged in a romantic relationship. The term was (and still is) used frequently by fans of Pokémon, of which there are several major pairings in both the manga and anime."

So I guess we have Pokemon and The X-Files to thank for unleashing this horror upon the internet. :P

[wefightevol]

So. Fucking. Radical.

“GEEHUV US THE MONEY SO THAT BAYHUBEE JAYSUS CAN HAVE A FANTAYESTIC NEW WEHEBSITE”

Guitar SOLOS for JESUS

(We’re not kidding, this is not a joke site, this is an actual thing.

We're so sorry.)

[wefightevol]

[wefightevol]

The Original Article, Typos And All

[wefightevol]

And in Summation...

And in Summation... His argument basically amounts to “I think this is stupid, and people are stupid for liking it” and “things were better back in my day, how dare they be different now.” His reactions are laughably childish, and his assertions about the Homestuck community are simple ad hominum attacks. It’s clear the guy’s only glanced at the most basic stuff, formed an opinion on that limited sample, and decided that people who disagree with him are idiots. And the guy’s writing is so hilariously bad. I could write a better amateur review of something I don’t understand.

[wefightevol]

And in a Section Laughably Titled "Advice"...

"Memo to David Lynch, Jean-Luc Godard, Guy Maddin and any other filmmaker who does not worship at the feet of James Cameron or Michael Bay: Do NOT be talked into making a film version of Homestuck. Your language of cinema is way, way, way to far over the heads of many Homestuck fans."  - Timothy Sexton

And here we see his film snobbery on full display.

What's that, I hear you say? James Cameron is an Oscar winning director who gave us the fantastic Terminator and Terminator 2 and Aliens, big budget blockbusters which both revolutionised the science fiction genre? Michael Bay is a hack who should have stayed a cinematorgrapher? Yes, children, these are both true statements. And what do these two things have to do with a film adaptation of a webcomic that neither the creator nor the fans want?

I've already said I've seen Casablanca. And Little Miss Sunshine. And The Blues Brothers. And The Wizard of Oz. And, my crowning achievement, Citizen Kane. If he's insinuating Homestuck fans are dribbling dimwits who suck the teat of Michael Bay's cashcows, I think he's barking at the wrong bovids. I don't own a single movie by any of the directors he named, so perhaps he's just complaining that we're too MAINSTREAM? I HAVE seen David Lynch's true masterpiece, 1984's "Dune", though. I fail to see his point.

[wefightevol]

"Unless it isn’t. Because, after all, Homestuck has been compared to James Joyce more often than Charles Schulz. So who knows? It could become a movie. Unless it can’t."  - Timothy Sexton

Clarity. CLA-RI-TY. Not something created by contradicting yourself.

Where did this guy learn to write?

[wefightevol]

"Get ready for it if you still get your laughs above the waistline, sunshine, because very soon your world will be rocked."  - Timothy Sexton

We're about to rock you.

Like a HURRICANE.

(I note also his insinuation that Homestuck humour is exclusively sexual. I don't know, maybe he just read the fanfiction and decided that was good enough?)

[wefightevol]

"The world those of us over 40 used to know as reality is gone; Homestuck is the new face of John Belushi and Robin Williams. Prettier, too, if you can get past the overabundance of horns." - Timothy Sexton

Summary: "these dang kids today, liking things I don't like!"

[wefightevol]

"Webcomics are not necessarily all about comedy as the name might suggest, but enough comedy exists on the almost daily updated Homestuck to create as much laughter among high school students as used to be stimulated by the 1970s cast of “Saturday Night Live” and primetime sitcoms combined." - Timothy Sexton

"primetime sitcoms." I think your standards for comedy need to be raised.

[wefightevol]

"Not to judge from the manner in which Homestuck attacks a world where “trolling” is most definitely not about gruff billy goats or a world in which “to Tumblr for ya” has nothing to do with boys named George." - Timothy Sexton

What is it with this guy and George Bush?

Is it that they both pretend they read at a higher level than they really do?

[wefightevol]

"Internet culture. Is that one of those things like compassionate conservatism and military intelligence?" - Timothy Sexton

Get it? Because the internet is filled only with filthy degenerates, and any sane person of "culture" would avoid it at all costs!

[wefightevol]

"Theme or trope? You decide. A cursory examination of what the Homestuck webcomic offers and what a Homestuck movie would deliver includes concepts touching upon literature of the classic Gods that you may know better as mythology, video games (which means everyone under the age of 60 at the very least can relate) and the convergence of television and internet entertainment. In a way, there is something about Homestuck that almost seems organically disinclined to take on the medium of cinema. But don’t let that stop you, Jack!" - Timothy Sexton

I want to make sure I understand this.

You're criticising us for not understanding you, when you think "literature of the classic Gods that you may know better as mythology" and "take on the medium of cinema" are valid sentences?

[wefightevol]

"Those balls or knives or eggs or bowling pins or chainsaws that Homestuck juggles are known in the literary world as themes. Or, perhaps tropes. Hard to say in this postmodern world where themes and tropes sinuously intertwine in a way that confuses people nearly as much as irony and coincidence." - Timothy Sexton

Oh, of course, he's been spending too much time on TV Tropes and now thinks he's an expert. Suddenly I understand everything.

[wefightevol]

"Comedy is hard. Death is easy. That makes Homestuck a juggler." - Timothy Sexton

Appropriate.