Life is too good not to write about

V a n e s s a I keep struggling with motivation. There's just so much to do.

[evangelicaltheology-deactivated]

[reblololo]

[danger]

[cinemamonamour]

Ghibli Cities - Shizuku’s town in Whisper of the Heart (1995)

Shizuku’s town is based on the lovely neighborhood of Seiseki Sakuragaoka in Tama City, near Tokyo. Nippon Animation, where Miyazaki and Takahata used to work, is located in Tama City.

[weirdlyso]

Wasted Youth

Yesterday, I found out that someone I know died. It was early in the morning and I was asleep. My mom came in and sat on my bed which woke me up. I was in that in between state when she told me. I recall not feeling anything and shifting in my bed and then falling back asleep. It didn’t take long for me to doze off. I hadn’t thought about that person since.

But then today, the house was a little bit quieter. And I started to remember moments and memories. That person’s voice and laughter and demeanor. The things we talked about at school. Then this... emotional cloud starts hovering over me. Thoughts about mortality and meaning start to creep in randomly into my head.

Life is finite. What the hell have I been doing and wasting my time on? I have nothing to show for. I haven’t helped anyone, not really. I have not affected change. I have not built something for the betterment of my community. If I disappear, it would be such a small tear in the fabric of the lives of people around me. Damn. That is depressing.

So what the hell am I doing. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have no goals, not short term ones and not long term ones. I wake up, I eat, I shower, I waste time, I go to bed and then I do it all again tomorrow. The only thing that breaks that routine is if my mom needs me for an errand or if I have something I need to do outside the house. And I’m not really inclined to change this cycle at the moment.

So here I am, writing.

[booasaur]

Amar a Muerte - 1x56

[weirdlyso]

Damn.

[listentothestories]

Helena Moore

[thegoodvybe]

[missysuehanson]

[officialsuhilover]

[tycheantiques]

[weirdlyso]

Yep.

[weirdlyso]

Un-

Let’s talk about social media friends lists. For a time, I dated one of my friends from college. It didn’t end well but I kept her on my list because we had the same set of college friends. I did unfollow her so she wouldn’t show up on my feed. Every now and then, I would remember that we were still connected on social media and I would think about whether or not to keep that connection.

Earlier today, I removed her from my friends list. I have two main reasons for it. One, I didn’t really feel that it would have an effect on me one way or the other since we don’t interact. Two, it’s been a long time and we aren’t friends again so there was no point.

I’m okay with it. I don’t feel any regret. It did cross my mind that our friends would ask why but then realized that I didn’t care. I’m sure that if I find myself in a situation where we’re both in the same room, I’ll mind my own business or just be civil in casual conversation. We’re just not friends. 

Some people you keep, some you let go. Life happens.

[mundodeviaje]

Me quedé mirando esto por 1 minuto

[mienar]

pondering

[dues]

[vitrinanime]

[weirdlyso]

It’s been a minute

...since I wrote a really long one here. I’m not planning to but I never know how far my rambling goes once I start. I’m feeling blah at work. It does not end. There will always be stuff to do and new things to accomplish. Every month, a new plan. I was really motivated to do everything at first. But a couple of months in, I’ve got the hang of it and already know how and when I can slack. I wonder how everyone else stays locked in for their respective jobs.

Sure, positive reinforcement from bosses feel good but that only goes so far. If it’s the same reinforcement every time, it loses its effect. I used to get up at 4 in the morning so I can start work super early and have my workplace perfect even before sunrise. Now I’m lucky to be out of bed before 9. It’s blah.

I have some small businesses on the side that excite me. But then I wonder: for how long until I want something new and stimulating again?