Reader is Spock and Uhura’s daughter
A/N: This is sad. You’ve been warned.
Ever since you were little you hadn’t felt close to your father. You’d never felt that he loved you. He didn’t encourage you to act human or Vulcan, in fact, he never spoke of the subject. Even though you were curious as to what was going to happen to you. You travelled with your parents on the Enterprise and loved space. But you could never decide who your favourite uncle was. There were so many to choose from.
When you enrolled in Starfleet, it meant you had to leave the Enterprise and your parents and the people you saw as your family. Which was harder than you expected. But your father didn’t seem to show that much of an emotional response and you began to give him the cold shoulder. Your mother told you off for doing it, but you just denied it. He always hid his feelings from you, so you were going to hide yours from him. Perhaps you were thinking to much about this and you just had to accept that he wouldn’t be emotional, but you didn’t want to. You wanted a father who would love you and have those stupid sweet father-daughter bonding moments together. You never really had any of those and if anything, Kirk was more of a dad to you. You would never tell your parents that. But it’s true and you didn’t want to lie.
Whenever your older brother did something impressive, he was praised by your father and you didn’t see why you were any different. So now you were just shutting him out.
“You should reply to Dad’s calls you know right?” Your brother Kes reasoned as he rang you from his two year expedition in space.
“And you know how I feel about Dad. So why would I return his calls?” You rolled your eyes and slumped onto your bed.
“Oh come on. He is half Vulcan and is always encouraged to suppress the part of him that is human. What did you expect?” Kes made you feel guilty every time you talked to him but you weren’t going to back down.
“He always congratulates you in everything and he hardly ever does for me!” You raised your voice.
“Oh come on, that’s an over reaction.” He sounded like an eye roll.
“It is not. Why shouldn’t I be told that I’m good at what I do?” You whined.
“Dad does have more important things to do that give you affirmations in his spare time.” Your brother laughed and you hung up the comm. Why did no one understand? So you went to the only place you knew you wouldn’t be judged during the day. A bar.
Walking into town with ear phones in your ear, you blared the music so that you didn’t have to talk to anyone. You were hurt and upset by your family and you didn’t want to talk to any of them. As soon as you sat at the bar and ordered a whisky you felt a hand on your shoulder. Turning around you saw Kirk and sighed.
“Oi you. Don’t whip out that attitude.” He sat down next to you.
“Why are you talking to me Kirk?” You drank some of your whisky.
“I wanna know how you got served as a minor?” He whispered with a laugh. “I need your secret.”
“I’m a girl. It ain’t no secret.” You reasoned, finishing your jack and grimacing slightly.
“Wish I’d know that at the academy. Anyway, how’s school going?”
“Good. I’ll probably graduate and be transferred straight away into a lieutenant position because of my knowledge of weaponry.” Leaning in the bar you hung your head.
“Well that’s great! Why do you look so depressed?” Kirk stared at you with concern and you looked at him.
“Because I know the only reason people talk to me anymore is because of my bloody father.” You pulled your hair in front of your ears to hide the Vulcan tips.
“Not true.” Jim downed his drink and smiled. “I just have not talked to you in ages.”
“Anyway. It doesn’t change my decision that I’m not talking to him. He doesn’t care about me anyway.” You clenched your jaw and shook you head.
“That’s just stupid.” Kirk rolled his eyes and you looked at him.
“To say he doesn’t care. He’s your dad. He loves you and you’re lucky to have one.” Kirk clenched his jaw this time and you felt slightly guilty but still annoyed.
“That’s not fair. You can’t just make me feel guilty to get me to do what you want anymore. My dad never pays attention to any of my accomplishments and never seems to be proud of me. He’s never told me that he loves me to my face and he’s never really been a dad for me. If anything you’ve been more of a dad.” You stood up and walked out of the bar. Kirk ran after you.
“But he does love you. But he just doesn’t want you to get hurt. Just like so many other people he knows have in space.” Jim walked quickly to keep up with your pace.
“He’s got a funny way of showing it.” You frowned and Jim stopped you.
“He’s a damn Vulcan!” Jim laughed. “Your dad is a pain in the ass and he can be difficult at times. Believe me when I say me and your mother struggle not to kill him sometimes.” You smirked.
“But I’m his daughter. It’s different. I’m not his partner or his friend, I’m his youngest child.” You stared at floor in depressed silence.
“I get that. But I don’t think he can feel the difference. I know you think your brother had it easy with your parents. But he really didn’t.” Jim stood in front of you and you leant your back on the wall.
“Everyone loves him. Youngest captain of a Star fleet ship ever.” You raised your arms and sighed. “He’s already got a two year expedition in the bag and will probably keep that ship for a long time. I meanwhile am just a cadet and have hardly done anything so far.”
“But he’s older than you. Kes had a head start and you can’t compare yourself to someone three years older than you. Also, you said you’d be put into a lieutenant position as soon as you graduate!”
“I know. But it’s hardly a Captain’s position is it. He’ll never think of me as anything but a kid.” You sulked.
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You don’t understand how awesome your life is. You get to train to go into space and explore new planets in a ship with a warp core. Two hundred years ago that wasn’t even real. The universe is amazing so why are you only concerned about what your dad thinks about you?” Jim paused. “Look, I know that he does love you and he does support you. But even he doesn’t, don’t let that stop you doing what you love.”
You were silent for a few moments. Flicking your thumb nail off your index finger and tapping your fingers on your thigh.
“I guess you’re right about the fact that I shouldn’t care. But I still do. I just need his approval which is stupid. But whatever.” You closed your eyes and rubbed your face. Kirk put a hand on your shoulder.
“We all want approval kiddo. Now, come on.” He tugged at your sleeve and you followed him.
“Where’re we going?” You questioned but Kirk just laughed. Walking back into Star fleet, you followed Kirk cautiously as he went down a few corridors and got to what you thought was near the xenolinguistics wing but you weren’t sure. Jim opened an office door and pushed you in, walking in after you, you looked around and saw your father and mother.
“I think Spock and Y/n have some talking to do.” Kirk didn’t let you pass him as you tried to get out the door. Laughing as you tried to get physical and push him but he just held your wrists.
“Y/n, come on.” Your mother came over to you. Standing up straight you smiled at your mother and then looked at the floor.
“I hate you.” You hissed at Kirk but he just giggled as he left with your mother.
“Y/n. Sit down if it pleases you.” Your father gestured to the seat in front of his desk like you were just one of his students. You sighed and sat down in front of him.
“Kirk and Mom seems to think I have to talk to you but I’ve got nothing to say to you.” You crossed your arms defensively and Spock looked unchanged by it.
“What would we need to discuss?”
“The fact that you don’t love me and you’re proud of Kes but not me.” You said bluntly and Spock was silent for a second.
“That is incorrect and illogical considering you are both my children and I should love you equally.” Spock stared at you as you glared at him.
“You ‘should’ have done a lot of things Spock.” You hardly ever called him by his name but you didn’t want to call him Dad anymore. This seemed to effect him as he was silent for longer and looked down for a moment.
“Am I not your father anymore?”
“No.” You stated simply. “If you were then you would support me as much as you support Kes and yet you don’t ever show that you love me or want me to be successful.”
“But I-” He stopped and looked down, not able to continue.
“Do I even get to know why you treat me differently and have always been so cold towards me?” You were slightly on the verge of aggravated tears as he didn’t answer. “Please!” You yelled standing up. “Jut tell me why you treat me differently!”
“BECAUSE I CAN’T LOOSE YOU LIKE I LOST YOUR SISTER!” Spock yelled standing up.
“What?” You asked quietly. Spock sat back down and put his head in his hands. The door suddenly opened, Uhura and Jim ran in.
“What’s happened?” Your mother asked.
“I- I have a sister?” You turned to your mother and Kirk. Who both stayed silent.
“She… we lost her. She ran away. You wouldn’t remember her. We helped you forget her, replacing the memory of her with ones of Kes.” Your mother told you.
“Why-why did she run away?” You sat down suddenly.
“Because of me and your father.” Your Mom told you.
“I drove her away because I tried to help her too much and she didn’t want us. She wanted me to leave her alone and never talk to her again. She hated that I tried to help her do the thing that may not have been the most logical but what I thought she wanted. It was like she was more Vulcan than me.” Spock put his head in his hands.
“What was her name? How-how old was she? Can we find her.” You turned to Kirk and your parents.
“Her name is Amanda and she’s seven years older than you. We don’t know where she is.” Your mother took your hand.
“You look exactly like her.” Spock looked at you with tears in his eyes. “I couldn’t loose you too so I pretended not to care because I was scared you would leave too.”
“But… I wanted you to care.” You wiped your eyes.
“I spent a whole lifetime leaning to hide my feelings. It was only when I met your mother and had children that I couldn’t completely control them. When I lost my mother I experienced loss for the first time. I chose not to feel that kind of sadness because it was too painful. When I lost your sister I thought it best not to feel again because I knew I couldn’t stand you or your brother leaving.” Your father looked at you apologetically and you mother walked over to her husband. Putting a hand on his face.
“We love you. We just thought it was best if you didn’t know.” Your mother reasoned.
“Did you know all of this?” You asked Kirk and he nodded.
“Your Mom gave birth on the ship so we all knew.” Jim told you quietly.
“And you never thought I might want to know? None of you three- wait does Kes know?” No one said anything. “You’re telling me my brother knows about my sister but I wasn’t aloud too?”
“I didn’t want you to run away. I didn’t want it to be an option.” Spock tried to reason.
“You know sometimes I wonder what you see when you look at me. A failure or a success. Or even if I’m worthy to be your daughter.” You gripped the hem of your dress and bit your lip nervously.
“But if I am truly your daughter then why don’t you tell me anything? I only feel wanted by Mom. Dad and Kes just make me feel awful all the time.” You look stared at the floor.
“I’m sorry.” Your mother whispered letting out a few tears and turning away from you.
“I apologise for any harm I may have caused you.” Your father stares at you and you looked up at him.
“I just don’t feel wanted.” Tears streamed down your cheeks. “Were supposed to be a family and I… I just don’t want to be here.” You stood up and your Dad walked around his desk to get to you.
“No. Please don’t leave.” He held your arm and your Mom looked up at you helplessly.
“I just, I’m going to ask how quickly I can get assigned. I need to get out of here and I’m sorry if this looks like I’m running because I am.” Your lip quivered.
“But I need you baby.” Your Mom put a hand on your face.
“I’m sorry.” You said simply before slipping out of your father’s grasp and walking out of his office. Your mother and father left crying silently for a second time as their daughter walked out.
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