[wickedhawtwexler]

my life: a summary

[adelphe]

Japanese Flower Arrangement: Classical and Modern by Norman J. Sparnon, photography by Miki Takagi, 1960

[terminusantequem]

Anton Henning (German, b. 1964), Beauty in the Eye of the Beheld, 2005. Oil on linen, 188.7 x 157 cm

[thegroovyarchives]

70′s Dri Mark “Luv Marks” packaging, via Michael Pinto on Pinterest

[introvertunites]

me: the weather is gorgeous today! person: it’s storming??? me: yes

[myfairylily]

liolaliola 

[nevver]

Darkness on the Edge of Town, Linden Frederick

[velvetmysoul]

[oldshowbiz]

Late Night in the Lonely City

[humansofnewyork]

“Adults guess and assume that I’m not going to understand things just because I’m a little kid.  And it can be frustrating.  Cause, like, I really want to know stuff.  Or even when they do talk to me about things, they’ll always try to ‘tone it down to my level.’  They especially avoid the heavy themes like sex and death and cannibalism and stuff.  But that’s stuff I want to talk about.  I’m really fascinated by the Donner Party.  The entire expedition, really.  What did it feel like to eat people that you knew?  I’m also fascinated by how the human mind deals with death.  It’s like people shut down the idea of death completely, and insist that heaven and hell are places after death.  But death is death.  And everyone after death is dead, because consciousness is just your brain.  And even if there is evidence of life after death, it’s difficult to assess.  We’re going to be incredibly biased toward any information that suggests there’s something more.  Because we are so desperate to believe it.”

[velvetmysoul]

[geniusoflove]

me trying to sound employable: i love effort.... and doing things. i love trying. working is the best. i love it when its hard, and bad

[autumncozy]

By arjsun

[topknotgoods]

[forgottenships]

[ambiguouspup]

[wekeepourheartsup]

My whole life I’ve felt that I just wasn’t capable of handling living in a healthy, productive way. I thought I was too soft, too sensitive, too sad. Truthfully, I had no intention of living to the age I am now. After losing my mother the way that I did, and being riddled with guilt that still cripples me to this day, I felt that there was no way I’d be able to handle another tragedy in my life. There’s bound to be one, though, right? I’m not safe from bad things ever happening just because of a big one like that. Life isn’t “fair” to anyone, nor is it supposed to be. People should try to be fair to one another, but everything else is out of our grasp, really. Even then, everyone is just trying their best to look out for themselves, and sometimes that comes out as unfairness to others.

I’m not sure what I’m trying to say. The fact that I’m going to bring a child into this world in just a few months has sparked a whole new deck of cards in my head. I’ve got to think about things differently. I am so, so excited and so in love with this little girl already. I’m looking forward to bonding and teaching and learning from her. It is scary, though. I feel the responsibility already and it’s not even begun yet. I don’t even feel equipped to keep a newborn alive, though I’m sure I’ll figure it out.

I’m finding myself looking at all things through a different lens. Trying to figure out why exactly I feel the way I do about different topics. Someday she’s going to ask me to explain how or why certain things happen, and I’ll have to do my best to help her with how to react to them. I’ve got to stop blaming myself for everything, because it isn’t something I want her to do to herself. I’ve got to stop being so cruel to myself in my head, because I don’t want her to pick that up from me, either. I’ve got to look at the world in a brighter, more positive way. I have to. I have to find beauty and reason in every single day, and I know that it’s there waiting to be found. No matter what, it’s always there.

I’m looking forward to meeting my daughter and getting to know what makes her tick. Pursuing and cultivating her interests, no matter what they are. I can’t wait to give her all the love she could ever need. Working on loving myself is something I’m reluctant to begin, but I know that that is super important, too.

Life is such a trip, man.