☾ @welcome222myweb - Tumblr Blog

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moving out in august and i’m stupidly excited because i deserve a chance to live a life outside of this family. like i love them dearly but it’s too much sometimes. i deserve a chance to discover who i am and what i what outside of them. the chance to do that without the overlapping opinions and nitpicking. like i deserve a chance to go out into the world as i am and figure out who i want to be. i don’t know who i am or what i want outside of this family and its passed time that i get to explore that. i’m lucky, ive been so lucky and blessed. they mean so much to me but i need to separate from them. i need to not be involved in the day to day life with them or this house. to live a life that they get updated on rather than seeing from front row. i know i’ll get nostalgic and homesick and that’s ok ! i’ll move through it. and i know it’ll improve the way i feel about my place in this family and the individuals in it because it will won’t be all that i know. this is all that i know. i want to know more, i deserve it and i will have it. like i’m literally in my mf 20s brotherrrrrr like i fear it’s time to spread those wings diva

the biggest learning curve is being around someone when i’m in that mindset. like i do struggle with black and white thinking and i can stand to learn a little finesse when it comes to being around someone like her. like i have to learn, do whatever you want, i dont care its not my problem, hope it works out for you and if it doesn’t then oh fucking well i tried to help you. but that this can also coexist with being cordial and like not isolating and not icing people out. does she deserve to be iced out ? a bit yea. but it’s more of a like i literally have such a hard time with being so upset with someone and then acting as if everything is fine. because im seeing why everything isn’t fine, and you also see it because you’re literally telling me, and you just don’t care to do shit about it. like we’re no just gonna fucking ki and la di fucking da around like you aren’t being the worst rn. which i hate that i get like that because it’s so simple to be like ok then just relax and don’t worry about it but its like that insane sense of justice that i have and its like its just not right dude. like how do you keep getting to do whatever the fuck you want and ignoring all of the shit going on around you ? like i genuinely don’t get it and it pisses me off bc why am i like clocked in as eldest daughter rn when that’s literally not even me. like technically speaking. but the second i stop doing that, im gonna get my ass chewed out. and she will never receive that same treatment. she acts the way she fucking does because no one ever holds her accountable or responsible for anything or fucking gets upset with her and if they are it’s not for long because she’s so perfect and untouchable and i’m like fighting for the fucking scraps over here like what the fuck has this even turned into. like i’m sick of explaining it and like big fucking SIGH dude idk. like it doesn’t matter if im right or wrong or how much i do or say. she just has this fucking bubble that she gets to exist in and no one cares to pop her out of it which is fine but it’s like affecting me ??? which is not swag money at ALL like. i’m so guarded all the fucking time and being on my p’s and q’s and she just gets to run around and do fuck all and be hailed as the most perfect thing to grace this earth and all i want is peace and fucking quiet. like i’m sick of stepping in and being there all the time because who the fuck is gonna do that shit for me ? like i don’t want her title i just want to like exist here in peace unbothered like just…. jesus christ give me a break man

moth-kissed-witch

To whoever needs to hear this...

You do not need visualization skills to do energy work, perform magick, be a witch, or anything in between.

Rituals, spirit work, spells, divination, and so on have been practiced through so many other means than just visualization since practically the dawn of humanity. There are four other mundane and psychic senses than just eyesight and clairvoyance that you can utilize.

Raise and direct your energy via movement, your breath, and music. Meditate through automatic writing/drawing, or focus on how energy feels in different locations. Hone your intuition by asking for and noticing observable signs or listening to the voices of spirits and discerning them from your own inner voice.

Visualization is just one of many tools you can potentially use. Not have to.

slewfootwitch

"Visualize" is, I feel, such a misleading term that most authors are actually using to prompt people to "imagine strongly" or to "call into their mind". And it creates a lot of unnecessary confusion and frustration for those who don't have a visually oriented mind. An experience can be mentally called in in more ways than just strict mental imagery. Imagining experiences through sounds, smells tactile sensation or ever narration can be just as effective means of directing focus.

honestly the problem isn’t even that they’re doing it, it’s just like my idk fucking capricorn sun brain and it’s like ????? like come the fuck on dude seriously LMFAO i like to think that she’s better than this and maybe she isn’t and it’s my fault for expecting her to be. bc honestly the behavior kind of aligns with everything i’ve ever seen from her. and i feel like before i was more on the inside of it and now im on the outskirts and like damn it really is some bullshit like holy fuck. and i have this perverse need to like be right and like be there when they realize how fucked up they’re acting like “see what i meant??” but i just actually need to let it go for my own sake. not for theirs or for the sake of keeping the peace. i’m just genuinely cool off that shit dude like do whatever you want. cause the pattern recognition is kicking my ass and i just like KNOW dude. like i already fucking know and i’m trying to like help you and you simply cannot be helped, which sucks for you but also sucks for everyone else having to pick up your slack because you just wanna go do whatever the fuck you wanna go do. and now i’m finding this space where i have to allow myself to step in and do shit but also know when i’ve done enough and it’s time to sit out and like brace for the impact of what happens when i take that step back for myself to recharge and recenter. like idk the vibe is sooooo beyond fucked up

the thing i’m currently learning is that if i think something is right then like that’s just what i have to operate off of. like the shit that’s genuinely bothering me rn is my right vs wrong mindset. am i right ? yes i am. but i cant keep expecting the other person to know that they’re wrong. like i cant keep trying to help them and hold their hand and tell them the same things until im blue in the face because its been almost a year of this and im exhausted and i just genuinely am going to have to learn to detach and let it be. like do whatever you want, i dont care, it has nothing to do with me. whether or not you regret it later is entirely on you. imma just keep doing my shit and doing what i think (and know tbh) is right and keep it moving because the resentment is becoming too much to bear and if you want to continue being ignorant and acting oblivious then by all means go ahead.

it doesn’t have to be perfect JUST DO IT (nike ad tease)

april-june lowk kicking my ass but i’m coming out the other side and ready to be hot and sexy again :p

me waiting for myself to put my phone down and stop wishing i could do things and just like idk go do them or something girl

i miss my pseudo teenage dirtbag era

my knowledge and confidence that i’ve gained in my 20s with the confidence that i had from 18-20 with a dash of the attitude i had from 15-18

like that’s so tea

i’m realizing that all of the elder service industry baddies started doing this shit in their fucking prime when they were hot and young and turnt (not that being older means they can’t still be all of those things! obvi) and that’s why it just oozes out of them so naturally. like i don’t wanna be an elder device industry baddie but i am in fact in one of my many primes that i will experience throughout my life and i should use that to my advantage and have fun and wear cute outfits to work and do my hair and maybe a little makeup if i want and flounce around the fucking floor and bar and be cute and make money. like bartending for me is like what stripping is for lexi. like sell the fantasy. except since i have a problem with strange men, or any men really, touching me, i have an entire bar between us. like. and it’s not even just men like i can be girlies with the divas that come in and like talk shit like. i don’t have fun anymore. i don’t do my makeup for fun or sit and sunbathe in the driveway or post for fun or make videos for fun. like i’m soo trench-coat buttoned to the mf top with the fuck ass ballet slippers and it’s miserable. and now i’m in a place where i can like be responsible and take care of my shit but i also need to be having fun because what’s the fucking point if not. like pay ur bills, be buss down eldest daughter core, take care of ur responsibilities. but like also have fun and turn up sometimes and do shit and take care of urself. dye ur hair, get the mf piercing, do whatever makes u feel hot and happy. 17-21 year old me was on to something !!! she knew her shit, might’ve gotten a little lost in the sauce occasionally but she knew everything and nothing !!!

it’s really amazing that you can love someone so much and they can have an impact on you without ever knowing it. like he actually exists in so many little spaces in my heart and literally has no idea

being in denial about the boy i met at 19 canon event because i thought i knew who it was. but it was actually someone else and i just didn’t realize because it’s been 19,20,21,22,23 and 24 and so many things have changed. i’m a completely different person and he has been a near constant in my heart throughout almost all of that. i had a period of time where i didn’t see him and honestly never thought i would again. and then i did and it just clicked back into place so fast and i didn’t even think it would. i thought it might maybe even hoped it would but wasn’t betting on it. but it’s kind of always been there and might always be there. throughout all of the firsts i’ve had in that time he will forever and always be the first boy i ever loved. and i’m actually so grateful for that.

i’m not sure where i fall on the “this is all a simulation” spectrum. i do believe we’re just the universe experiencing itself and expanding, and with that being said i feel like i have so much time to decode everything and explore the secrets of life but my current goal is just just experience and love freely. live, dance, eat good food, laugh, laugh with friends and family, create, travel, love, learn, cry, grieve, etc. just experience it all

adela’s career is proof that everything happens for a reason bc being in katseye would’ve dimmed her shine and artistry soooo bad

working on acknowledging and observing the thoughts and feelings without getting sucked into them and spiraling fr. like it’s there, let it be there. you don’t have to respond or solve it or anything. just observe it, don’t get sucked into the thought spiral

i can’t ever truly be upset with myself for like fucking up sometimes bc i genuinely didn’t have a good solid role model for anything growing up, no healthy relationships. like with themselves or others. no nothing! i’m figuring this shit the fuck out and i’m taking it day by day and i fuck up sometimes but that’s ok! i’ve built such a beautiful life for myself compared to where i was then, and it’s ok to want more but it’s also important to honor what came before and like letting myself enjoy the fruits of my labor and allowing myself to have the fuck ups that i do have bc i recover and i have people there for me to help and it’s sooo tea. like its been a long fucking 5 years bitch lemme tell u…and i fucking made it. and will continue to make it.

i’m everything my 15 year old self dreamed and more and i owe it to her and my current self to keep dreaming and doing cool shit

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