euphoric dream

Selective Multi-Muse Indie RP. 24. This RPer took the Roleplay Anti-Hate Pledge

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empathists‌:

“I think you should stay.” He protested as he looked at her. “It would save you money and..I’m really not in the mood to listen to Max whine all night.” He knew his dog would be upset when she left again. In his mind, she must have been back for good. A sigh fell from his lips as he gestured around. “I have to go downstairs tonight and help bartend so you don’t have to worry about me being in your way.” He explained. “Just.. stay for the night.”

“Okay...” She spoke lowly, nodding. She felt guilty for staying. But, she would’ve been lying to herself if she’d claimed it wouldn’t be more comfortable than a hotel. At least, she’d have a chance to be close to him for a bit longer. She’d missed this apartment. “Oh... do you need help? Bartending, I mean... I know it’s been a few years. But, I still remember how to make your drinks. If you need the help... I’d.. be willing to. You don’t need to pay me.” She shook her head assuringly. 

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empathists‌:

“Oh, well, that’s good. You help people get their smile back.” He beamed as he took a sip of his drink, his stomach starting to ache with how much water he had been consuming. “I’m a marketer for this new tech company.” He nodded. “They design apps and stuff.” He clarified before clearing his throat. “So, Europe? Wow.”

“I guess.” She giggled. “I’ve never thought of it that way, actually.” She shook her head. “Wow! That’s really impressive.” She smiled. “That sounds fun.” She nodded, shrugging. “It was wonderful. Scotland was my favorite place. The landscapes there were beautiful.” 

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empathists‌:

“I don’t know about that.” He whispered with a sigh before glancing over at her. She really was a beauty. “Lelia..what have you been up to since high school?” He curiously asked. “Where do you work now? Are you a model?”

“Why not?” She shrugged. “I’m not seeing anyone.” She shook her head, sighing. “I backpacked around Europe for a few weeks after graduation. That was the best time of my life. Since I got back, I’ve just been living here and trying to fix this place up.” She giggled. “Unfortunately, my modeling career never took off.” She teased. “I’m a secretary at a dental office.” She hated how that sounded. It was lame. It sounded like she hadn’t succeeded in anything since graduation. But, she guessed she hadn’t. “What about you? What do you do?”

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empathists‌:

“Oh..” He whispered as he heard her explanation. “So while I was heartbroken you were traveling the world..” Ryder nodded, unable to contain his scoff. How was that fair? How could she walk out of his life and go on a grand adventure and then just come back? And still have some sort of power over him. 

“Well, there’s no need for you to stay at a hotel. You can sleep here. I’ll take the couch.” He shrugged, realizing at one point in time, this was her place as well. “It’s probably good you’re back anyway. We have to sign divorce papers and stuff.”

She felt sick. She wanted to explain that traveling hadn’t felt the way he probably expected. It felt disgusting. She hadn’t enjoyed it as much as she’d hoped. But, she knew that was pointless. He was still right. She’d done something absolutely terrible. 

Nodding, she sniffled, feeling a familiar and yet final pain in her chest as he spoke. “Yeah...” She whispered. “I don’t mind going, if that would make you more comfortable.. I can meet you back here in the morning.. to... sign the...” She trailed off, not wanting to think that they were officially ending their marriage. There was no way she could fix this. 

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empathists‌:

“Are you kidding me?” He scoffed. “Look at you. You don’t even have to ask. If I thought you were out of my league in high school, how do you think I feel about you now?” Mason questioned. “You’re.. stunning and nice and you have this whole place to yourself.”

“Thank you..” She blushed intensely, nervously playing with her hair. “You’re very kind.” She nodded. “You’re very handsome, Mason. Any girl would be lucky to have you.” She took a bit of her dinner, excited by what he was saying but a bit heartbroken that it would all go away in a few hours.

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empathists‌:

“You don’t have to apologize for that.” He assured her, praying that she would actually seek help like he suggested. As he let out a heavy sigh, he took a few steps back and looked around his loft before looking back at her. He never thought she’d actually be here again. “Do you have a place to stay?” Ryder asked as he tilted his head. 

“I mean, I guess the better question would be..where did you even come from?” He asked as he looked back at her. “I mean, where did you go when you left me? Did you settle down somewhere?”

“Umm.. I was gonna stay at a hotel.” She shrugged, brushing her hair out of her face. “There’s a place a few blocks away. I was just gonna walk there.” She nodded. 

“I just got back from South America.” She swallowed, knowing she probably sounded insane. “I just travelled a lot when I left.. I stayed in the UK for a while, and then I travelled around other parts of Europe. I went to the Middle East and spent some time there.” She chewed her lip nervously. “I met some extended family in England. I stayed with them for almost a year.”

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empathists‌:

“Oh, no, Leila..I could never think badly of you.” Mason laughed softly. “I just hate myself for not taking the shot when I had the chance.” He sighed deeply before hiccuping. “Sorry.” He chuckled. 

“Well, what makes you think you don’t still have that chance?” She giggled, still sure he’d have no memory of this later on. She smiled as she handed him the glass, again full of ice cold water.

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empathists‌:

As she began to calm down, he felt his own breathing return to normal as he nodded his head. “It’s okay.” He whispered as he rubbed her arm and moved to grab her a water bottle anyway. As he handed it to her, he gave her a weak smile. “Harper, you need to see someone.” Ryder confessed. “I think you need help from a professional. Help that I can’t give you.” No matter how badly he wanted to. 

He could only hope she wouldn’t take offense to his words, but he knew it was the only way she could be happy. “You have a lot in your head and your heart and I think you’d find a lot of healing from seeing a professional.” Ryder originally wanted to be a therapist, but being a bartender was close. Just minus the school and the actual help aspect. But he hears a lot of people with a lot of problems come into his bar every night. “I just want you to feel better..”

Harper listened closely as he spoke. She knew he was right. She needed professional help. A lot of it. She wasn’t sure she believed it would help her. But, she knew she needed to try something. Sniffling, she wiped a few more tears as they rolled down her cheeks before finally nodding. “Okay...” She whispered. 

She figured that was the end of it. He was going to ask her to leave. She really hadn’t expected anything different. Especially now that she’d thrown a fit in front of him, she was sure he wasn’t going to want anything to do with her. She pulled her hands away from his gently before shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drag you into that with me... I didn’t think that was going to happen. I wouldn’t have come and bothered you, if I did.”

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empathists‌:

“So, I really should have taken a chance, huh?” He sighed as he guzzled down his water, desperate to help the sudden pain he felt in his heart. If only the high school him would have known she liked him back. Setting down the glass, he ran his hands through his hair and leaned back in the couch. “I think you’re always going to be my biggest regret.”

“I don’t like that.” She giggled, moving to refill his glass again. “I don’t want to be your biggest regret.” She shook her head. “I want you to have a good connotation when you think of me.”

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empathists‌:

“It’s okay..it okay.” He assured her with a sigh as he took her hand in his and began giving them bilateral squeezes. “You’re okay. Just focus on me, okay? Focus. Breathe. You’re okay.” Ryder whispered, trying his best to coach her through whatever episode she was having. Truthfully, he was hoping he could help. But he had never had to deal with this before. 

“We’ll figure it out, okay? We’ll figure it out but you have to relax. You can’t let this control you.” He explained. “Do you want water? Will water help?” Ryder offered, thinking of anything he could do to calm her down. 

Harper nodded, closing her eyes as she focused on his voice and on controlling her breath. She could feel herself shaking in his hands. She could only assume that being without him was what was causing such severe anxiety. Clearly, she thought, she needed him. She wasn’t sure how she’d cope, if he did reject her. But, she wasn’t sure she deserved to cope. She deserved the panic, the discomfort, the stress. If that was her penance for how she’d hurt him, she’d take it. 

“I’ll b-be okay.” She whispered as she began calming down, still focusing on her breath. After a few minutes, she pulled her hands away from his and wiped her eyes, sniffling. “Sorry.. I don’t know.. what happened.”

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empathists‌:

“Oh, that’s neat. You should try and take your time fixing it up though. Stay for free even longer.” He laughed softly before clearing his throat. His mind overthinking about her words. “I wanted you.” He shrugged. “I know I wasn’t your type and I know I didn’t stand a chance but I wish I would have at least tried, you know?”

“I should, shouldn’t I?” She giggled, nodding. “That’s a good idea.” She blushed, taking a sip of her juice as she considered her response. She decided to be completely honest with him. He wouldn’t remember this conversation in the morning, and it wasn’t like he really meant what he was saying, anyway. “You absolutely would’ve had a chance with me, Mason. I had a huge crush on you.” She nodded. “I would’ve been on Cloud 9, if you’d even spoken to me.”

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empathists‌:

Ryder stayed silently as he listened to her cry. It broke his heart to see her like this. She looked like a mess. She looked hopeless, and it made him want to wrap his arms around her and tell her it was okay. But he couldn’t. He knew he had to protect himself. He had no other option. But Ryder wasn’t a monster. He didn’t want to turn her away like this. 

Standing up, he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. “Shh..” He whispered as he rubbed her back. The feelings he had for her were too strong to ever just disappear. He loved her too. He always had. But sometimes fear was a greater emotion. “You’re not your mother, okay?” He whispered to her as he cupped her face and searched her eyes. “Take a deep breath for me.” 

Harper tried to calm her sobs. But, her emotion had already taken over and she was nearly hyperventilating. Nodding as she tried to take a deep breath, she closed her eyes as she failed, desperate gasps for air getting in the way of her breathing. She shook her head, looking down at the ground in shame. “I-I-I c-ca-can’t.” 

Harper never would’ve cried like this in front of anyone in a million years. But, ever since she’d left, it seemed that crying this hard was a typical occurrence. It was only now that she realized she could trust Ryder with those emotions, even if he rejected her. He was a good person. She would’ve argued he was one of the only genuinely good people she’d ever known. “I-I-I’m s-so-sor-ry.” She choked out her words, hoping he wouldn’t think she was trying to manipulate his decision.

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empathists‌:

“Oh.” Inherited usually means someone died, right? “I’m sorry for your loss.” He whispered before clearing his throat and looking down at the full glass of water in his hand. “I knew you existed. You were the prettiest girl in school. I had the biggest crush on you.” He wondered how she was so blind to it. But he supposed he wasn’t very good at expressing himself when it came to women. “I’m sure I wasn’t the only one.”

“Oh! No!” She giggled, shaking her head. “Not like that. I mean... well, my foster parents got new housing after I graduated, and since I was already eighteen, I couldn’t stay at their house anyway.” She shrugged. “So, the owner of this house is letting me stay in it for free until I finish fixing it up. Then, she’s gonna sell it.” She blushed, shaking her head. “You could’ve had any girl in school. You wouldn’t have settled for the weird girl with fluorescent hair and her nose in a book.” 

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empathists‌:

Her explanation was fair. For her. But it didn’t make the pain any easier. He wanted to be the guy that welcomed her home with open arms, but instead, he just found himself hurt. How could they possibly move past this? “It wasn’t selfish. You were scared.” He corrected. “But you should have told me that. You should have..said something.” Maybe then what they had could have been saved. “But now..Harper, how do I know you’re not just going to get up and run away in six months?” He questioned with a scoff. “Shit, I can’t put myself through any more pain than I’ve already been through with you.”

She nodded, tears falling as he spoke. He was right. She could do it again. She wasn’t sure she completely trusted herself not to do it again. But, she wanted to try. If he’d give her the chance, she would try. “I know.” She whispered, sniffling. “I’m sorry..” She shook her head. “You don’t know I’m not going to do it again. But... I’m willing to do the work. I’m willing to work until you could know that I’d never leave again. I want to do the work. I want to figure out what’s wrong with me, and why I’m so shitty all the time.” She sobbed, her true feelings towards herself finally being exposed. 

She knew this was a side of herself she’d never let Ryder see before. The side he knew before she left was always fun-loving, confident, and daring. At least, that was how she made herself seem. “I want to stop being my mother. I hate her and I don’t want to be anything like her anymore. I hate myself because I do the same things she did, and I will always hate myself for what I did to you. I will never forgive myself.” She wiped her face, trying to calm herself down. “I understand if you can’t give me a chance. I wouldn’t be surprised. I don’t really expect you to give me one. But, I knew I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t try... I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

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empathists‌:

“Oh. Water is nice. I could use some of that.” He nodded as he watched her. The way she moved, the way she carried herself, it was always alluring to Mason. He could watch her all day. He used to watch her in class, but she never noticed. She always had her head down. He sighed as he took a few large gulps of the water. Within seconds it was gone. That was how Mason ate and drank though. His mother always yelled at him for inhaling his food rather than eating it. 

“That parts easy.” He smiled as he set down the empty glass. “I came here because I wanted to see if you were home. I was thinking about you. I think about you a lot. Mostly about how I messed up my chances with you.” He explained further before looking around. “This is a nice place.”

“Wow.” She giggled, grabbing his glass and returning to the kitchen to refill it. “You’re really thirsty, huh?” She teased, happily returning to hand the drink to him. “I’ll keep refilling it as long as you need.” 

“What do you mean?” She blushed, taken aback by his words. Chance with her? How could he have messed up his chance if he never even tried. “You didn’t know I existed!” She laughed. “At least, I didn’t think you did.” She looked around the perimeter of the living area and kitchen. “It’s okay.” She shrugged. “It needs a lot of work. I kind of inherited it, in a way.”

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empathists‌:

Ryder watched the golden retriever’s tail wag in excitement as he gave kisses to Harper. After she left, the two of them laid in bed for weeks. Ryder knew he wasn’t the only one that suffered from the loss. Unfortunately, Max was much more forgiving than Ryder. “Harper..” He whispered as he took a seat on his couch and sighed. “What happened?” 

Harper released a shaky breath as Ryder questioned her, her eyes stinging with tears. Letting go of Max, she sat on her knees, placing her hands in her lap. “I.. I got scared.” She shook her head, a few tears running down her cheeks. She knew her explanation seemed so pathetic. It was pathetic. She was such a child. “You know me... any time things get hard or I get nervous, I run away.” She sniffled, tucking her golden curls behind her ear. “It wasn’t your fault... It wasn’t because of you.”

She shook her head again, smiling weakly. “You were so perfect. You always have been. I just got scared that you’d fall out of love with me or you would want someone else or that you’d leave me.” She scoffed. “So, I did the cowardly thing and I tried to beat you at it. I was so convinced you’d hurt me, I wasn’t willing to give you the chance to. I was selfish. So selfish... I’m so sorry.”

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empathists‌:

So she worked. Where did she work? He eyed her up and down for a quick moment. She must have been a model. That would make sense. Or maybe something smart. She always seemed smart. His eyes lit up at her offer as he nodded his head and walked inside. “Thank you. Thank you.” He smiled as he looked around and then back at her. He practically toward over her. But, it seemed sometimes like he toward over everyone. “I hope I’m not interrupting your dinner.” 

The place looked so empty and bare. There was no one else there. He wanted to ask what happened, but he figured he’d save himself more of the embarrassment. He had already had enough for one night. “I usually don’t drink..” He assured her with a friendly smile. “I just.. went out with some friends and accidentally got carried away. It’s not good, I know.”

“You’re not.” She giggled, helping him in and walking him to the couch. “Would you like something to eat? You probably need it. I’m definitely getting you some water.” She smiled, making sure he was okay before walking into her kitchen, grateful the house had an open floor plan so that they could still see each other and speak. 

“It’s okay.” She smirked as she brought him a glass of ice water and sat her meal down on the coffee table before returning to the kitchen to grab herself a glass of apple juice. “You don’t have to explain yourself. You’re an adult. You have the right to fun nights with your friends.” She nodded, sitting down beside him. “I’m curious as to what brought you to my house, though.”