As Wes began to stir, she relaxed for a moment, there was no yelling, or him telling her to leave, there was a silver lining after all. The moment his eyes opened and her brown eyes found his, she slowly traced her thumb under his eyes, leaning downward to place a small chaste kiss to his lips. “Morning,” she uttered softly, sitting back up she slowly moved her gaze from his, staring at the wall for a moment, before crossing her arms, her heart was racing so fast, but she figured it was best to get it off her chest. “I’m not cheating on you, if I had, I would of told you instantly,” she uttered softly, “I did cheat though, on my first boyfriend, Gabe,” she muttered softly, “I kissed another guy while Gabe and I were still together,” she stated, swallowing hard. “It was a shitty thing to do, and I regret it daily, but there are things that happened, that led up too it, it was only a few month’s after I lost the baby, and I was still hell bent on believing it was my fault, that I killed him,” she chewed her lip thinking for a moment. “Gabe was there, you know? He was there and he was real and he was this big anchor holding me in place when I was losing myself, I was so high all the time, drunk every night, on every drug I could get my hands on, and he put up with that, while he was dealing with his own shit, he was– he had an eating disorder,” she stated softly. Running a hand through her hair she she looked down. “He started to pull away, we both did in some ways, the relationship was toxic, and not in anyway of fighting or us every hating each other, we just weren’t taking care of ourselves, or loving ourselves and it was a mess, and when he started to pull away I started to feel so alone,” she felt her lip quiver as she looked down. “Sin, you know– the one whose dad own’s the restaurant and he works there, manages it and cooks? He– he took me in when I needed someone, as Gabe started to pull away Sin became like this warm blanket keeping me sane, and I had a really bad night, I was so fucking high,” she muttered. “I was crashing hard with the come-down this bad one and I was so lost, and he drew me a bath, and sat beside me as I crashed, and I asked– why I couldn’t get Gabe to stay, like I was certain it was me at the time all the pulling away and I just couldn’t feel loved and I desperately wanted what Gabe and I had at the beginning, I was so scared, certain no one could ever love me because there was something so wrong with me. Sin told me I’d find it one day, there was someone out there that would love me like I needed, and I kissed him, I just wanted that void filled, and in that moment he filled it,” she sniffled and looked down. “I hated myself, so much, I told Gabe a couple days later, we both realized on our own we weren’t a good thing, there was too much that needed to be fixed for us to think of a relationship, and we ended it. I loved him so much but love couldn’t keep that relationship together, we needed to love ourselves first and neither of us were able to do that, but that didn’t change who we were and how much we cared for each other, and he became one of my closest friends, even took Belle and I to London,” she didn’t look up, fear settling in her stomach as she stared at her hands in her lap. “I’m sorry I never told you, you wanted to past to be the past and that was in the past, I’m not that girl, the eighteen year old girl who hates every part of herself,” she rubbed her eyes. “I’m sorry you’re scared, but this– pulling away thing, that’s what Gabe did, what Easton did, I can’t do that again Wes,” she bit her lip. “I love you so fucking much, more than I ever loved anyone– so please don’t pull away, there’s no one else for me, and hasn’t been for a very long time.”
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