There’s a battle going on inside Lucy, one she couldn’t even begin to explain to anyone else. Susan had told Lucy that they should never speak to Edmund of what Aslan had done for him - that was Aslan’s to share, at his discretion. ‘It doesn’t matter that we were there, Lu.’ Susan would say to her, ‘It doesn’t matter that we saw it. It’s not our story to tell.’
But surely it was Edmund’s story to know, wasn’t it? Surely he deserved to be told of what Aslan had done for him. And Lucy wanted to tell him, she really did, but how could she handle the kind of heartbreak he would experience? How could she handle the betrayal he would feel at having this secret kept from him all these years.
She realised, all at once, that her feelings on this didn’t matter - not in the slightest. This, this was about Edmund, and about his right to the truth. Even as more tears slid down her cheeks, even as she held on to Edmund’s hands as tightly as she could, she realised that he had a right to know more than she had a right to protect her own comfort.
“It was - oh, Edmund, it was the Witch’s doing. Someone had to sacrificed on the Stone Table for the debt to be repaid, and so Aslan let himself be sacrificed instead of you, but it was only because he knew the deep magic! He knew he wouldn’t stay dead, because of the ancient laws, and Narnia needed you, Edmund, it needed you as much as it needed any of us. Maybe more.”
It feels like cheating, to try and justify keeping this secret from him before he even has a chance to process it, but she can’t help it. She can’t help but grip his hands just that little bit tighter, can’t help but to plead in earnest. She needs him to understand the reasoning behind all of this. Lucy cannot lose him again - not here, not now.
He's expecting it, but nothing can prepare him for the
way his gut plummets a hundred feet in a single second
& it doesn’t keep him from feeling so utterly sick at the
idea that Aslan had once so willingly walked straight
toward death for him. He knows he’s supposed to say
or do something, react in some way but there’s a single
moment in which comprehension fails Edmund entirely.
First there’s poison in his throat that spreads like lead
& he thinks he can’t breathe ( but physically nothing
happens ) but equally he’s numb & hollow & his mind
reels with the fact.
This untouchable, unshakable, unfathomable lion that
every Narnian under the sun looks to with unwavering
faith & belief had died. He had died & it was all because
Edmund had been such a gullible idiot ready to punish
Peter for some thing he had said that now, he can’t even
remember.
He becomes caught up on that fact, lets it roll over & turn
in his head & yet it never seems to catch up with him,
only drowns out Lucy’s follow up pleas. When Lucy’s
grip tightens, his becomes slack- intentional or not,
the action is entirely lost on him because Edmund’s
mind just keeps falling back to the simple fact that
Aslan had died. & then he remembers Lucy &
Susan being together that day- he remembers the
awkwardness of being alone in Peter’s presence.
It’s after a long while, the silence heavy, that he asks
slowly, softly, ❝ Did you all know about this? ❞
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