tap here to watch a crybaby whine about his wonderful late grandmother .i did not read back over this so fill in any mistakes yourself im not wanting to get sad again.
my grandma was an extremely special woman to me. she was beautiful and sweet and nothing like the dumb stereotype. she was never strict or harsh with me, i always felt so welcome in her house. it was a cozy place, but the kind that when you walked in you could tell it was old. a faint scent of mold and dust clung to the walls but it was never an issue to me.
she had lots of things. old furniture, things from my great grandparents. i’m guessing a lot of people in my family,, at least on my moms side,, had kids young. i knew my great grandparents for a couple years.
one of my favorite things to do with her used to be watching simon the cat. i’d sit with her on her bed, she’d be asleep most of the time, but we’d watch it on her computer. i remember it had an assistant on it called cortana, i though the name was the funniest thing ever.
i remember christmas at her house. it didn’t happen often, she lived a bit away from us. maybe an hour or two, i forget. i know id lie across the backseat of my moms car and sleep every drive there. the night of christmas eve, we didn’t have anything to eat. i remember she’d made toast with banana and peanut butter on the stove. i don’t remember her cooking, i don’t think i ever really had it.
she had 3 cats and a dog. loxlee, cinderella, and pie were the cats. the dog was orson. pie ran away one day. after my grandma died, we were given loxlee and cinderella. cinderella was abused i think, she wasn’t very good around people. i walked downstairs one day at my house to go play on the wii to find her on top of the extension cord. i’m not sure what happened, maybe she got electrocuted. i know cats go to secluded spots to die so maybe that was it. i didn’t understand what happened at the time, i was rushed upstairs after telling my mom and uncle and they out her in a pillowcase. buried her beside my grandparents house.
orson was a sweet dog. she found him on the street. i made a post about him before, but he .jesus christ im tearing up. ok he’s a yellow lab and beagle mix, he was super sweet. he was weird about people touching each other. i remember id hug my mom or play fight with my uncle, he’d make this wheezing, whistling sound and bark very quietly. it was funny. don’t know why but we also nicknamed him horsey. he was a nice dog. never aggressive, just awkward.
her favorite color was turquoise, like those stones with the black cracks in them that are on lots of different jewelry. she’d dye her hair burgundy every once in a while. she taught me that word, i remember. in one of my moms old apartments, we had a burgundy couch. i wasn’t sure what color it was and i was very confused. i remember liking the word when she told me about it.
she’d come to visit that apartment sometimes. still i don’t remember well, i was probably 6 years old. i remember small things. i remember she gave us loxlee for a bit in that apartment. before she died. we had to be careful when we ordered food because he’d run away if not. one time he ran out and he had a small, small patch missing from his forehead. that always creeped me out, knowing he’d gotten into a fight with a coyote. it worried me a lot. i remember it had some kind of white foam on it, it made me feel sick.
my grandma would take me out of the apartment sometimes. we’d walk along the parking areas, i remember when she bought me one of those ice creams with the bubble gum eyes. there was this big metal box she’d take me to, i’d climb on top and dance on it. i liked the sound it made on my shoes.
one of the last memories i have with her was a good one. my uncle chandler is in the army, he was returning to america after a long time. we booked a hotel in tennessee and made a long drive all together. i remember the hotel room, the day we had, my family. my uncle jacob had a really early edition of a vr, we only watched netflix on it. i think this was 2017? my grandma got me a couple of those i spy books, a where’s waldo one. it was fun. i remember her taking the cushions off of the couch in the hotel room and having a pillow fight with me. i remember making a poster for my uncle chandler covered in red and blue handprints and cartoon stickers.
i remember the day she passed. i don’t know how i was told, but i remember sitting in the back of my moms car. i was so, so sad even if i didn’t know the full extent of death. i was 7 anyways. i cried myself to sleep on the way to one of her old neighborhoods. i remember going to this body of water. there were ducks, there’s a fountain in the middle. it was pretty big. i remember feeding them spinach and sitting in a rocking chair, my mom crying on the phone. i didn’t really know what to do with myself, but i knew i missed her and i loved her a lot. she always loved swans, they were her favorite. i called those ducks swans even if i knew they weren’t. it made my mom laugh and i was proud of that.
i know the stories people tell me about her. she was the lead singer of an amazing band. i can only listen to their music on a media player in internet archive, but im so happy i have anything at all. i think there’s 6 songs. the band broke up in 2012. i know they opened and played at the same places as some huge bands. i know my mom got to meet them when she was younger. she got to meet the members of sevendust, im pretty sure.
her band is great. it reminds me of strange boutique a bit.
i’ve tried showing her songs to a couple of people, but i don’t think they care about it was much as i do. a couple girls i used to like is all. they said it was amazing, said she was so unique. but even being happy about the fact that they like the music, i knew it didn’t hold the same weight as it did to me to them. i want someone to listen with me and feel the way my heart aches at the sound of her powerful vocals. i want someone to cherish it as much as i do. i love and miss her so, so much. if she was still alive today, she’d probably be one of the only stable things i’d have in life. i miss her man. i really fucking miss her. i’m crying again bruh oh my ggod
her music is so fucking beautiful. i hear her voice, her thoughts and her laughter. she did fucking beautiful, i miss her so much. i’d give anything to get her back.
