my dad sees the world differently. and that’s the most gracious way of putting it. interestingly, he never seems to give up on sharing his views and trying to sway others, even though he’s never made a convert out of anyone. somehow he thinks this is a much easier task to accomplish than it is. his views are some of the most outdated and least palatable–again, putting it lightly. my family members–who are the main recipients of his views, always in the form of windy emails–can testify.
after the charlottesville terror, i received a pretty heated, racist tirade in my inbox, from guess-the heck-who. i decided to keep my cool and not get riled up about it. it’s not that i’m not ready and willing to stand up for what’s right–but it’s about as easy to convince my dad as it is for him to convince others. and believe me i have tried and wasted a lot of energy attempting this. to stay calm when my dad says the unthinkable sometimes requires not responding at all. i’m definitely in the process of numbing to him, instead of becoming angry. im dousing the inner firebrand, which is the nickname he gave me when i was in high school and i’d go off about the patriarchy or something. i love the lyrics to the closing credits song from the sopranos. “lord help the beast in me” same, nick lowe, same.
dad sent a follow up a week later, about the statues and about robert e lee whom surprise, dad reveres as some kind of hero. good god. i caved and responded to both his writings, very placidly and reasonably, though I imagined very curtly. dad doesn’t often hear me out or he’ll hear me halfway through before his own thought bubbles start popping up and he is no longer able to have a balanced or nuanced conversation. sometimes i think he just talks to hear himself talk. so i keep my responses short and if i aim to make a case and close out, i appeal to values we both hold dear. this time if you’re interested, it was imago dei.
it wasn’t long after i hit send that i got his reply–saying how sweet and level i was, and how could that be after being raised in a home where arguments equaled pointed fingers and raised voices and sometimes worse. he said that the thoughtful person i am is not what he raised me to be. that i am all those things against all odds.
i was kind of moved until i remembered how dad has on several occasions also insisted that women are more emotional and therefore less rational and at that point my eyes returned to their usual state of being rolled back in my head.
i’d like to continue in this practice of keeping my cool and not shutting him out. he is welcome to ask me of my time by sharing his opinions and writings. i may or may not answer, schedule and emotional strength permitting. end of the day, i’m just glad he doesn’t have his own column.
