Femme-ininity

Femme: n. a lesbian, feminine in some way, who loves butches. Femme is not contained in makeup, painted nails, dresses, low necklines, heels, submission, docility, cottages, vintage aesthetics, or the color pink. Femme is contained by nothing. Rather, femme itself contains history, pride, rebellion, and—above all—a deep lesbian love for butches.

[tomboysurvivalguys]

Answer some questions to find the famous tomboy you need!

Hey y’all! I hear a lot that people struggle to find famous tomboys they identify with, so I have spent the last few days building this for you! It’s not a quiz like you’ll find on other sites because every question you answer sets you on a pathway, so you won’t ask for an author and get an athlete (unless, of course, she’s written a book). 

All the tomboys are famous, though some are more mainstream than others, ranging from household names to niche musicians. Give it a shot and give it a boost to help tomboys of all stripes find the representation they deserve!

[whatfemmeis]

hello! first off let me say i'm not a lesbian (i'm a trans guy) so please if this ask feels offensive or intrusive to you feel free to ignore and delete it, you're not in any way obligated to teach me about lesbian identities! basically from being on the periphery of lesbian spaces on the internet there is a question i've become curious about: are all lesbians either butch or femme, as in are there lesbians that do not identify as such? thank you for your time and sorry if this is a bother

Most lesbians aren’t either!

[whatfemmeis]

All our followers: 🎶I forgot that you existed🎶

[fresafemme-deactivated20191225]

What if we made those cheesy posts about Girls but about gnc girls and like. Didn’t make a big deal about it yknow. I think we should romanticize stud and AG and butch identity and presentation and behavior without it having to be a positivity post in which we call them by name because society has made it to how unless the love is explicitly for them they don’t feel it’s for them and I think when we try to love them with their community name we kinda reinforce that they’re loved as studs, as ag lesbians, as butches, but could never just be casually loved on the street or wistfully daydreamed about the way “girls” are loved for twisting our hair or wearing a scrunchie. And I know plenty of them don’t identify as women or girls but we should try to minimize the amount we as outsiders isolate them from womanhood and especially girlhood because that is their choice to make not ours as a society…basically I’m saying that I feel the same way about my masc women that they feel about soft girly women like me and I feel like I’ll never be enough on my own to communicate that so all I can do is smile at them in class and hallways and hope they know I get flustered and shy and blush when they carry their backpack on one shoulder and try to make loud footsteps with their basketball shoes and flick their hair every thirty seconds and pull their pants up every ten seconds because the teacher yells at them but they still won’t tighten their belt

[whatfemmeis]

This may have been asked before, but if one is interested in dating both butches, femmes and those unaligned could she identify as a femme because she does desire and love butches?

Not to play hardball here, but if a femme isn’t involved in the butch-femme dynamic, what makes “femme” different from any other feminine girl? And if “femme” isn’t a unique, defineable experience, what’s the point of having a word for it at all? Why bother having a community for it? The whole point of saying “this is what femme means, the end” isn’t to create a set of hoops for people to jump through in order to be members of the community: the point of setting up a clear definition is so that I don’t walk into the cheese department of the grocery store and find sixty boxes of Goldfish and one bag of shredded cheese. I’m not being selective on what I consider cheese for the sake of elitism or contempt against the crackers, I just need people to know that when I say “cheese” I don’t mean cheese crackers or Goldfish or Cheez Whiz or yogurt or pizza because I don’t want to ruin my enchiladas. Femme is just like cheese in that without a clear and definitive meaning it’s a useless *word*, but even if the word is useless, the fact of “femme” and “cheese” remain: just like someone gay is always gay, even if they don’t know about the concept of homosexuality yet. If we strip the word “femme” of its meaning, femmes will still exist, but we won’t have a home, community, or feeling of safety and belonging anywhere. It’s okay to just be a girly lesbian or a womanly lesbian or a feminine lesbian! You don’t have to use the word femme to justify or defend your femininity, regardless of what some people may pressure you into thinking. But when people relentlessly strip “femme” of its meaning, femmes are left lost, alone, and exactly where we were when we decided we needed a term for ourselves.

[tomboysurvivalguys]

Famous tomboy Lauryn Griffin!

Lauryn is a couples’ YouTuber with her girlfriend Steph! They have almost 200,000 subscribers and mainly focus on pranking each other! 

Prior to being a YouTuber, Lauryn played college basketball for DuPont!

Lauryn is a stud, and she and her girlfriend Steph live together in Houston, Texas.

Lauryn’s Instagram / Steph’s Instagram / Lauryn’s Twitter / YouTube channel

[lesbianherstorian]

a butch/femme lit list

here’s a starter list for those who have asked!

odd girls and twilight lovers by lillian faderman

the persistent desire: a butch femme reader by joan nestle

stone butch blues by leslie feinberg (here)

s/he by minnie bruce pratt

crybaby butch by judith frank

boots of leather, slippers of gold by elizabeth lapovsky kennedy and madeline davis

keep in mind there may be terms we consider to be outdated in our current understandings of gender and sexuality, but these works still hold cultural and historical significance.

[honeysweetie-love]

Lesbians are not, and have never been, for men. Lesbians sexuality isnt for mens pleasure, and we dont always have to be soft and cute and innocent to prove that

[the-bright-path-deactivated2021]

Respect lesbian and bi identities

I tried to type this 3 times on my phone earlier today, but the Tumblr app sucks. I’m home now, so I can vent all this frustration.

Since I accepted that I’m bi, I’ve received several unsolicited messages telling me that I can still call myself a femme. That any wlw can use femme and butch. As someone who previously identified as a femme, who understands butch-femme culture, this is extremely offensive and lesbophobic, because I know what it means to be femme. These identities have meaning, developed over decades as they evolved from the original lesbian bar scene of the early 20th century to the modern lesbian subculture. Being femme doesn’t just mean you’re a feminine woman. Being butch doesn’t just mean you’re masculine. It defines your relationship with other lesbians, and gives context and meaning to how you interact with society and how you perform femininity (or reject it). Others have explained all of this better and in more depth so I’m not getting into the intricacies of butch-femme culture. You wouldn’t tell a lesbian to call herself a twink or a bear, and you wouldn’t tell a trans man to call himself a lesbian (unless you’re a terf), so don’t tell people to take identities that by definition are only applicable to lesbians

And on the same note, don’t tell bi women that it’s ok to use lesbian terms out of some misguided feeling that bi identities are somehow inferior. There’s always an insinuation of “Oh, honey, it’s ok, you don’t have to use that silly ‘doe’ label, just keep calling yourself a femme” in those messages that rubs me the wrong way. I like being a doe. I think it’s a beautiful term, and just like being femme, it provides important context to how I carry myself. Yes, doe, stag, and tomcat are relatively new identities and not as widely used yet, but everything has to start somewhere, and bi women are building our own culture. I think that’s beautiful, and our identities deserve your respect whether you agree with that or not.

[birthdaylobotomy]

SHOUTOUT TO STONE FEMMES I SEE YOU I LOVE YOU!

[femmelesbianmemes]

literally i know in my heart that femme lesbians tht dont shave/wear makeup/go by pronouns other than she/her are the most fun and sexy ppl alive i LOVE gnc femmes who express their femininity mostly/exclusively w our relation to butches GOD i LUV gnc femmes !!!!!!!! we r cool goodnigjt.

[toadsrbutch]

I think something that a lot of people overlook with butch-femme relationships is that we’re both strong. it isn’t “oh butches are powerful and femmes are delicate”- we’re both strong and let me just say, never underestimate the strength of femmes

basically…. stop heaping your shitty understandings of butch-femme couples on us! 

[lakemichiganbaby-deactivated202]

butchfemme love zine (submissions needed)!!!

hello lesbians!!! are you in a butchfemme relationship??? do u like attention or would u like to share ur love?? i am compiling a butchfemme love zine with pictures, poems, and writing!!

i need submissions, tho.... so! send me photos of you and ur partner, or writings abt ur experience with love from butches or femmes, or art abt butchfemme love!... for photos, i’d prefer candids/photos taken by others rather than selfies!

you can send submissions to me on here via dm or ask for my email privately. include your name, pronouns, and age please - if you dont feel comfortable saying your real name a nickname is just fine!!

once i put this zine together i’ll sell it on my etsy!!!💖🧡💖🧡💖🧡i’m super excited to start this project yall, any submissions are greatly appreciated.

[brown-lesbian]

there’s something i really want butch lesbians to know: 

you’re allowed to want. i’ve seen so many of y’all be like, “i want to be a wife to my femme and provide for her and do whatever she wants.” y’all are so willing to bend over backwards for us femme lesbians as if you lack your own agency, as if we own you in some way. 

you’re not our servants. i love when my butch girlfriend will do things for me to make me happy, but you don’t exist to please us. we love you and we want to make you happy too. remember that you have your own voice and your own opinions. we want to hear you too. 

[unpocodemasiado]

yes, go on and steal my heart

[lakemichiganbaby-deactivated202]

hm. i think a lot of discoursing ab butch & fem/me - from both sides - misses the true definition a little. for example fem/me isnt just a feminine queer person or even just a feminine lesbian. its part of a subculture built by /working class/ lesbians & in order to truly be butch or fem/me u HAVE to recognize that history and its CRUCIAL to feel as if ur identity is connected to + shaped by the other half. if u identify as fem/me and u dont feel a strong connection to and love for butches, ur not fem/me!! even if ur a lesbian.

ive seen people say “well i dont perform femininity for men and i do it for ME and it makes ME feel good!” cool! good for u but ur not fem/me. fem/me is not just “not performing femininity for men” it is SPECIFICALLY “performing femininity for other women esp. butches”.

also, if ur not working class and u think ur butch or femme u BETTER be advocating for workers rights and uplifting working voices. u BETTER be acknowledging the history of where these labels came from. it was from laborers & sex workers & dont forget it.

[whatfemmeis]

femme 101

“Well, if femme isn’t contained in makeup, and heels, and pink, what makes a femme a femme?”

What makes a femme a femme is threefold:

First, a femme is a lesbian.

Second, a femme desires and loves butches. A femme desires butches in that she wants to partner with a butch and only a butch, and she is drawn to their masculinity as a desirable trait, not one she desires butches in spite of. A femme loves butches in the sense that she acknowledges they are sisters in womanhood and lesbianism; she sees beauty, worth, dignity, and value in butch masculinity; she is proud to be a member of their community, and proud that they are a member of hers; she respects not only butches she desires, but all butches, because she sees them as full persons; she recognizes that not all butches must be compatible with her romantically or sexually, as they are diverse, and does not feel disdain towards or pass judgement on those she does not desire; and she has a willingness and active desire to understand a butch’s unique pains not only in their struggles with society, but with themselves, and to support them through their pains as best she can.

Third, a femme is feminine in some manner with the explicit purpose of expressing herself. A femme may wear dresses, heels, pearls, and makeup; a femme may wear pants, silk blouses, and red lipstick; a femme may wear a suit, tie, and earrings; a femme may wear a jersey, kicks, and a ring—a femme may completely pass as a butch upon visual inspection, but, so long as she perceives herself as feminine, she is femme. A femme’s femininity is solely rooted in and guided by her self-perception, not the instructions or judgement of her heterosexual society.