What'll It Be Today

Miscellaneous writings. Bloggy things. Stuffins.

[homunculus-argument]

Random linguistic worldbuilding: A language with six sets of pronouns, which are set by one's current state of existence. There's a separate pronoun for people who are alive, people who are dead, and potential future people who are yet to be born, and the ambiguous ones of "may or may not be alive or aleady dead", "may or may not have even been born yet", and the ultimate general/ambiguous all-covering one that covers all ambiguous states.

The culture has a specific defined term for that tragic span of time when a widow keeps accidentally referring to their spouse with living pronouns. New parents-to-be dropping the happy surprise news of a pregnancy by referring to their future child with the "is yet to be born" pronoun instead of a more ambiguous one and waiting for the "wait what did you just say?" reactions.

Someone jokingly referring to themselves with the dead person pronouns just to highlight how horrible their current hangover is. A notorious aspiring ladies' man who keeps trying to pursue women in their 20s despite of approaching middle age fails to notice the insult when someone asks him when he's planning to get married, and uses the pronoun that implies that his ideal future bride may not even be born yet.

A mother whose young adult child just moved away from home for the first time, who continues to dramatically refer to their child with "may or may not be already dead" until the aforementioned child replies to her on facebook like "ma stop telling people I'm dead" and having her respond with "well how could I possibly know that when you don't even write to us? >:,C"

[homunculus-argument]

@witchofanguish it is also used in poetry and plays, ghosts talk like that. Imagine being in a folk story, staying overnight in an abandoned cabin and in the middle of the night there's a knock on the door and a bellowing voice going

LET ME IN.

and from the "me" alone you know that whoever is out there is not one among the living.

[wolveswolves]

This wolf in British Columbia took a break from eating herring roe to investigate a half-submerged object: the photographer’s camera

Photograph by Ian McAllister

[whatllitbetoday]

Nope

I really didn't think I would be getting myself into this kind of trouble at my age.

I am fifty-eight, and yeah, that's not that old, but I had one love of my life (preceded by a couple of guys who I thought could be--but weren't) and when he had a heart attack three years ago I had no interest in any other romantic relationship again. I had my great romantic adventure, and I was done. Besides, I was planning on meeting up with him on the other side and continuing as before. So I'm a sap, sue me.

Nobody bothered me about it either, for the first year. The kids and I grieved and our deep scars began to knit together enough for us to look forward towards what was next. They moved out and so did I, opting for a little two-bedroom apartment. One room for me, one my yoga things and bunk beds so the kids or maybe their kids could visit. With the saving and pension intended for two people, and the equity from the house, I had enough money as long as I lived frugally.

I started growing things in pots on my patio. I walked to the library twice a week. I volunteered at an animal sanctuary. And there I met Josh.

Josh was the volunteer in charge of the large livestock animals on Wednesdays, the day I volunteered. I had a little experience with that so I was sent to help him. He had a wry sense of humor and knew what he was doing, and it was nice to make a friend. We seemed to be in the same life stage, with adult children and no partner and navigating life alone for the first time since our college days.

I talked about wanting to have someone to walk with in the early mornings, while it was still dark, and he offered. I asked around first, and heard only good things. We got to know each other and became friends.

Somehow my kids got it in their head that I was dating this man, whenever I would talk about "my friend Josh from the sanctuary." The kids started to tease me, and tell me they were glad I was happy. I just rolled my eyes and said there was no way I was bothering to date again, it was too much work. "Riiight," they said, with knowing smiles.

Later I asked myself, do I want to date Josh? Am I attracted to him? Did I want to invite another person into my life, my tidy little apartment that for the first time I could make exactly how I liked? The attention was nice, but no. I didn't. I just enjoyed having someone to get a cup of tea with after a rainy day outdoors, or who could empathize with me about watching my adult kids make mistakes and look at one moment so grown up and at another so be so young and needy.

I decided we were together too much and told him I couldn't walk in the mornings anymore, but that wasn't enough. I decided to be subtle, to talk like *of course* I'd go sky diving before I ever did anything like dating again. I talked about how I could never do *that* again, when he brought up his friend's relationship woes. We stopped by my apartment and I let him notice my twin bed, my little world set up for one permanent resident. I described the conversation with my kids where they asked when I'd get out there again and I emphatically replied "Never! One husband is enough for me."

A couple of times I thought I saw something pass over his face, but I may have been imagining it. Then he started joining in. He talked about being so glad he'd never date again. And I felt comfortable in our friendship again.

Until he began saying things like "Good thing I've got you!" And I would think, "He means as a friend, right?" And then I'd cancel coffee the next week. But as busy as I was with my porch garden and volunteering and substitute teaching and hosting Sunday dinner, it felt so good to have a friend.

One day after we'd successfully processed in a new potbelly pig (those suckers are heavier than I am) and we were having a moment of celebration after some hard work he reached out and held my hand. For a split second it felt normal and right, and then I jerked away as Ai realized the romantic implications. Can't I just enjoy human touch without it having to *mean* something? No, not like that. I think I need a cat.

I got a cat.

He asked me to go with him to his niece's wedding. I was busy. He asked me to go to the movies, but I don't enjoy the noise. He asked me to go with him and help him drive on a short road trip to take his son's furniture to his new home, after graduating college. I had to care for my new cat.

So imagine my shock when he asked me to marry him.

There was going to be a meteor shower, and a local astronomy group was having a viewing party with telescopes the public was invited to. I'd mentioned I was going and he got excited about it. When he arrives he was wearing a peacoat and dress shoes. I was in an oversized sweater, sweatpants, and a beanie. "Did you just come from a work dinner?" I asked. "You'll see," he grinned at me. I didn't care enough to pursue it.

Everyone took turns on the telescopes, and there was someone who talked about the shower and the astronomy club. A couple of kids recognizes me from teaching. It wasn't quite wrapping up, but getting towards that way, when Josh began,

"Hey Jennifer?"

"Uh-huh."

"You know, I've really appreciated our friendship this last year."

Umm..

"It was really hard being single after the divorce and living alone again and I was really lonely."

Ok, ok. "Oh I know," I smiled.

"It really made me feel like life could go on, to have something to look forward to every week. Talking to you."

This is getting kinda sappy, I thought.

"You're so smart and compassionate and always want to help people. I think being around you has made me a better person."

I opened my mouth to protest, not even sure what to say, but he gestured to me to wait.

"I know you have an absolute dread of dating ever again, you made that really clear," Whew ok that was about to get weird...

"So, because I want to spend every day with you, and so you never have to date again,"

Wait

What

No

Nonononono...

"will you marry me?" He went down on one knee, and held my hand, and looked up into my face underneath the falling stars, and there were gasps around us, and a few claps.

My mouth was stuck in an O of horror. Finally I found my voice.

"Nope," I said, and turning on my heel I booked it to my car and drove home.

I locked the door.

I made some tea.

I blocked him on my phone.

I emailed the sanctuary that I'd have to quit.

I drank the tea and had a piece of chocolate cake I'd been saving for guests and railed at the world and watched West Wing and went to bed mad.

In the morning I decided to volunteer as homework help at the library instead. And then I called my best friend, who lived two states away, and told her the whole story. After she was adequately shocked at appalled, I felt much better. Then there was a knock on my door.

I checked the peephole. It was Josh.

Well. I guess it would be responsible and mature to talk to him once, at least. He looked sad.

I opened the door and before a single thought entered my brain, the words "Why the HELL did you think that someone who doesn't want to date was just waiting for a MARRIAGE proposal?! What happened to being friends?! You are a stupid JERK!" spilled out of me. So I closed the door, just as I noticed the sad and shocked look on his face.

I locked it.

Well. Um. Whatever, that was good enough.

I went to bed and watched an entire season of West Wing with my cat lying on my chest. I had vegan ice cream for dinner and a salad for dessert and ignored my plants because I was afraid that Josh would come back to my porch.

I only saw Josh a couple of times since then, at community events, and he avoids me. I told my kids that we aren't friends anymore because he wanted to date me, and they looked surprised but didn't say much. I made a new friend at the library, Jay. She's doing a lot for the local LGBT youth. She's got some very different life experiences than me and that is refreshing. But she's got a girlfriend, so I should be safe from unwanted proposals. For now.

[whatllitbetoday]

Mab's Magic Bookshelf Part 1

There is a woman with a magic bookshelf. It was given to her when she was young. At 20 Savanna found herself pregnant with no support, and a friend's aunt took her in. Sure, Aunt Mab was a little witchy, but what mattered was that she was compassionate.

The aunt ran a strange lending library out of her house. The entire downstairs was a big library, with a kitchen hung with herbs and ringed with jars and a large kitchen table taking up what was left. Even what used to be a bedroom was full of books. Researchers who couldn't find obscure works came to her home. Heartbroken people with no answers came to beg a balm for their soul. Musicians and writers who couldn't find their creative spark came for inspiration.

They had a cup of tea in her kitchen and chat about what they needed. Then they browsed among the shelves and shelves downstairs, with some guidance by Aunt Mab. If they couldn't find what they needed the Aunt would go upstairs and come back with just the right thing.

Savanna finished her degree and raised her baby surrounded by the magic of books and Aunt Mab. Mab would sing to the baby while Savanna studied, and gave her tea to help with the postpartum bleeding, and frozen cabbage leaves for her aching breasts. Savanna, when she was healed, helped with all the things Aunt Mab was too short for, or couldn't be bothered to do. She scrubbed floors and trimmed roses and hung up Christmas lights, because Aunt Mab believed Christmas lights were neighborly.

Savanna had been studying Anthropology when she got pregnant, and had considered switching majors to something more obviously practical, but Aunt Mab encouraged her to finish her degree, as she would graduate the fastest that way. Baby Frances was 2 months old when, sleep-deprived and leaking through her bra, Savanna took her last finals of the year. She walked at graduation with her two biggest cheerleaders at home, because Savanna was afraid to bring the baby around crowds, but she came home to a feast spread for herself and the couple of friends, including June, Mabs niece and the one who had introduced them in the first place.

At Mab's urging, Savanna worked part time at the college library and while she pursued a degree in library sciences. While Savanna worked Frances was watched by June, and Mab, and the low-income daycare. She took Frances to the park to play with other babies while she studied.

All this time she was too busy, too caught up in her struggle to survive, to wonder too much about Aunt Mab and her mysterious library that operates right under her nose. It wasn't until she caught her breath, and her toddler was sleeping through the night, it was summer break from grad school, and she had begun helping Mab with the library again, that she began to wonder. Wonder why these people came here. How Aunt Mab had books that the local library and museum system didn't have. How she knew what people needed.

And that is when she leaves that Mab wasn't just compassionate and empathetic and wise. She was magic.

[whatllitbetoday]

Hi

This is where I'll try to write a little something most days. So like you know. A blog.