the monster's mouth is yawning @whatwinterleftbehind-blog - Tumblr Blog

I want to travel forever. (by Allison Farrand)

I just found out my internet friend killed herself.

the pills are helping. thank you God, I can see through my own eyes again. it's been a black-hole sort of month, I am finding things I have no recollection of. I don't know the girl who has been standing in my shoes. I am relearning to claim my body as my own. I'm so sorry to my own mind, I pushed myself off a cliff in the dark and the fall affected my memory. I am still in pieces. But I'm here, I'm here and I'm starting to feel it. these are my hands on the keys, these words are coming from me. the pills are working,

oh God I am so relieved

sometimes I still don't think I was sick enough (a high from the bones cutting through my skin)

#I got better didn't I

I don't want to survive/I want the cure.

"I'd rather not remember." when I watched and did not live. tattooing my own skin with 'something's wrong'. my eyes should not stutter, the room should not change, I am forever closing my fists around yesterday's mirage. I'm left staring at gaping holes in my memories, like the moths cared more than I did. face pressed against the glass,

I am here but I cannot feel it.

Something's wrong.

I hate how you stop in the hallway, step back against the wall and turn your head away when you see me coming, as though I were the queen and you were a beggar on the street. pull me off the damn pedestal, I cannot stand your heights. you watch me and breathe apologies, like your life is nothing in the light of mine. I can't, I can't I can't. every time you say you're sorry, an angry beast inside my chest rears his head. if you think you are nothing, I will start to believe it. I have no time for someone who slips a needle in my skin while I sleep, you are forever on your deathbed and I am your depleting I.V. let go of me.

#this is not pretty

it took one year to hit rock bottom, and another year to keep from falling any further. I didn't believe in too-late, until I wanted to wash my hands clean of this and there wasn't enough iron in my body to stop my knuckles from blackening. I stopped wanting to hurt right when the pain hit. I can't even get off the floor, so riddled with what I'm trying to forget.

#I'm not coming home. you said.

somethingwillstayforever

Visit Original Link

New acoustic version of Yellow (2012) - Coldplay,

recorded for the campaign Every mother counts.

#music

three times. three times today, my eyes welled up and my heart whispered 'what am I going to do', and my head said,

'stop eating.'

#no no no

I want to run away

in a way I have not felt in ages

sometimes I forget

that I am caged.

heartsick

I'm am not losing you to time, or space. it is not the miles, or our ages or the way you haven't been around lately. it is that I crave you; and you've become someone else entirely.

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the monster's mouth is yawning