I’m Getting Too Old For This Shit

28f, If I could be anywhere I'd be in bed, yet somehow still chaos personified

[frawgs]

putting ketchup on fries is too permanent for me … i have to dip . i control the sauce

[kinktendo-shamecube-is-dead]

[ca314159bara]

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

if they're gonna remake The Princess Bride, it should open with a kid sick in bed scrolling on his phone. his grandpa arrives with a gift--it's a DVD player with a disc already inside. grandpa hooks it up to the TV and presses play. and we all just watch the original 1987 film again.

[memescomedy]

[spiletta42]

This is not an exaggeration.  Your download speed would slow down to the point where Windows would make this kind of absurd estimate, and you’d sigh and leave the room for a while (because you couldn’t use the computer while it was doing this for fear it would crash and lose all your progress) and then you’d come back in 40 minutes and maybe it would now say 52 years or maybe it would say 3 minutes, who knew, not Windows.

[pingo1387]

having a headache while hydrated is so unfair. you were supposed to protect me.

[shower-thoughts-last-responder]

Waking up from a nap and still having a headache is so unfair. You were supposed to save me.

[viralfrog]

[skinoutqueen]

I really cannot believe how nasty I can be when provoked by the right person. It’s sensational.

[fairycosmos]

my dead wife. the ad free internet

[valend]

Yahhh I have to build Rome. Yup it’s due tomorrow.. noo I haven’t started yet haha is that bad?

[biglawbear]

This might be a hot take but I think if I click the button that says "unsubscribe from emails" then I should fucking be unsubscribed from the emails

[the-sweaty-toothed-mad-woman]

today’s the only day you can reblog this

“There Will Come Soft Rains”, Ray Bradbury

[drops-of-universe]

*genuinely absorbed zero information* got it

[nomedelblog-1]

[innerchildabortionclinic]

your cat was an honor to see in the window

[manaphy]

thank u for being a cooler blog than me and not unfollowing me yet

[sigmaleph]

every day i am thankful to ancient humans for the domestication of the cat. fucking genius idea. agriculture was a good one too btw but you really outdid yourselves with the cat thing

[i-am-the-oyster]