I fear I'm thinking about talking to a friend about how you want to fuck Lip sooooo bad. like you want that man crazy style. you're maybe a little shy about it, but it's the truth and it's been plaguing you for days.
somehow someway this conversation gets back to the him. and if he's being honest,,,, he wouldn't say no if you asked him yourself. he'd be a liar if he said he hadn't thought about it once or twice. usually just in passing whenever he went by Patsy's for something.
which i guess would be more than once or twice but it's not his fault the dress code is what it is and he might have timed a few glances just right when you leaned across the expo to grab plates.
and well,,,,, it's been a little bit since hes,,,, fucked someone. if hes being honest. so he's back to feeling like a perverted teen, stealing glances at your ass or chest.
in other words. he wouldnt say no if you asked him to hook up.
in fact he kind of wants you to. is almost hoping and even praying that you ask him to hook up.
you had meant it in passing. something just to be said because you didn't think he'd find out. it wasn't serious.
but now it's very serious.
because now, he's in front of you asking if you were serious about what you said.
and you're choking on an answer, trying to figure out if it was better to lie or tell the truth. it doesn't matter, because he's speaking again.
"cause I'll fuck you. what's your definition of crazy though?"
it takes you a second to find your voice. "I- umm- can we talk about this later? when im not on the clock?"
"you still get off at 9?" he asks like hes sure of it and it makes your skin prickle that he might have thought about you more than just a passing glance.
"yeah." you tell him, already coming up with a way to weasel out half an hour early. it's easier to beg someone to cover an extra half hour, you have found.
"be here at 8 then." he knocks his knuckles against the counter before he turns and leaves. and just like that your meager attempt of an escape plan breaks in front of your eyes. no one will come in an hour early. you don't even have to ask to know.
you spend the rest of your shift simultaneously trying not to think about it and thinking about it so much. you'd forget until you remember and then you think about it too much before getting distracted and forgetting again.
True to his word, Lip's back at Patsy's at 8:01. He takes up the spot closest to the kitchen, putting him right in view whenever you need to go to the back of house or come back to the front.
it makes the knot in your stomach worse and your tongue heavy, like you can't speak. you avoid meeting his gaze which is really hard because he's unabashedly staring at you.
it's all too soon that you're cashing out your last customer and punching out. you don't say anything when you walk to front of house, passing Lip and slightly hoping he wouldn't follow.
but you've always been God's least favorite child because of course there's the sound of Lip getting out of his seat and following a few steps behind you.
"you never answered me." you've at least crossed the street when he says this, a comfortable distance from Patsy's to have this conversation.
"I didn't think you'd find out." you admit.
"so you weren't serious?" he starts to slow down his pace.
"which option makes things not weird?"
"like if you're not into me then no I wasn't serious. but if you want me to be serious then... yeah I was serious."
"good cause I was also being serious." he brings a hand to your lower back, urging you forward with him.
that somehow makes things worse. because now theres an expectation. you feel like you have to perform in a way that will make you more attractive, put on a show.
"you on somethin'?" he asks and it's such an odd question
"what?" turning to see lip pull out a pack of cigarettes.
"the pill, somethin' inside you? id prefer if I didnt have to wear a condom." he takes one out and brings it to your mouth. he's such a fucking asshole because you're looking at his lips and well.. it's not looking good for your resolve.
"how do I know you're clean?" you drag your eyes up to meet his gaze. you have to distract yourself from watching him actually light the damn thing. how is this working as foreplay for you?
"you really think I got something?" hes torn between thinking it's a joke and that you're being serious.
"invisible diseases or whatever. how do I know you don't have crabs or like siph or something?"
"why do you want to fuck me so bad if you think I have AIDs?" he takes the cigarette from his mouth and gestures at you.
"i didnt say I think you have AIDs!" you exclaim a little too loud, earning a few side glances from people you pass.
you quiet down as you reach the stairs up to the L platform. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm just,,,, trying to cover all my bases. I've never done this before."
"you're a virgin?" he's hoping this ones a joke.
"I've had sex before but that was like in high school. no one gave a shit about STDs then."
"what, do you want me to fuckin' pinky promise or something?" he brings his cigarette back to his lips, taking a short drag. you need to stall just a little longer. hold your resolve until a train comes up and you can end this conversation.
"if you pinky promise you're clean and that ends up being a lie, I'll kill you Gallagher." you tell him, tone very serious as you eye the wait times.
"i pinky promise I'm clean. I'll even let you kill me cause I'll be fucked either way." he raises the hand not holding his cigarette, offering his pinky to you.
and now you have to think about the weight of this pinky promise. this is the exact opposite direction of not sleeping with him. the exact opposite of do not entertain this conversation further.
you bring your pinky up to his, watching as they link. it feels like a final nail in the coffin.
and of course a train finally fucking comes in. but he's giving you that stupid smirk that is as charming as it is mischievous.
and he is following you as you step onto the train, standing like he's trying to shield you from the rest of the car. maybe it's just his frame that makes it seem like that. it feels like you're brain is running wild now that it's allowed to want this. want him. to be into him because he is too.
"I'm on the pill. To answer you from before." you tell him quietly. his mouth quirks up when he meets your gaze and it makes your stomach dip.
"what about the one from before? your definition?" his brow quirks up a little and you have to look away from him.
"nothing like,,,, super intense. maybe like,,,, a little bit more intense then you're usual thing?" you bring your fingers up and leave a little gap between them.
"should there be a safeword or something?" he's half joking.
"i am not discussing a safeword with you on the L." you tell him in a harsh whisper.
"okay!" he brings a hand up like he's trying to placate you. calm you like you would a stray animal. and it's then you have to unscrunch your brow and relax your face.
"you're like a little gnat. absolutely incessant. it's annoying." you huff softly, meaning the words mostly for yourself.
"you don't mean that." suddenly he is much closer and his voice is much lower, making your stomach dip. the rocking of the car makes the distance smaller sometimes and your shoulder brushes against his chest.
"i do," you tell him softly, looking at the other passengers. you cant tell if your voices carry or if you're just on edge about the whole thing.
"if I'm so annoying, why are you turned on right now?" he's asks it so casually. like he's whispering a joke to you.
"shut the fuck up-!" you shove him, trying to give yourself a little more breathing room. more room to think, because it is impossible when you can smell the nicotine and bike oil on him.
he doesn't say anything, but theres a humor in his eyes that says enough. you don't look at him the rest of the ride.
"cute place." Lip says softly, taking in your living/dining room and kitchen. you try not to read into it.
you slip past him, turning into your kitchen to put your bag down. he follows after you, peeking at your room through the opening you left this morning.
he leans against your fridge as you turn to look at him. he feels out of place in your apartment, a weird collision in your mind.
"you come up with a safe word?"
"i hate you." he is ridiculous. lip thinks your words are funny, based on the way his smirk grows
"thats a bit of a long one but I mean-" he stops when he sees how hard you're glaring at him. "Okay. do you want to be less vague about your definition of crazy, then?"
"it's not that,,,, not in like a kinky way. I just meant. you always seem stressed when you come in and I said that I'd let you take it out on me. whoever used the term crazy is very dramatic." you avoid his gaze, fidgeting with your apartment keys.
"really?" lip asks softly, taking a step towards you. "you let me do whatever?"
one of his hands comes up to your elbow, thumb rubbing softly. your stomach dips, trying to ignore the way his head dips to look at your face.
"maybe,,," you whisper softly.
"need a yes from you, sweetheart." he tells you gently, hand moving up to your shoulder.
"yeah, yes." you get the words out as fast as possible, before you can regret them.
and its like he cant move quick enough. as soon as he hears the words he lurches forward, the hand on your shoulder moving up to cup your jaw as he kisses you.
it startles you, inhaling sharply. he takes that as an opportunity to kiss you harder, biting softly at your lower lip.
"you're gonna let me take out all my stress on you?" he moves to kiss your chin. "that could take a while."
"dont care. want you to use me 'til im stupid." you sigh, leaning into him.
"where's your room?" lip groans, tugging your hips against him.
you had a very different idea to how this was going to go.
one, maybe two rounds and that would be it.
lip proves you wrong. as he usually does.
"where y'goin?" he coos softly, making you whine back at him.
you're currently trying to wriggle out from under him, elevate some of the pressure. you dont get very far, hes still mostly on top of you and watching in amusement as you squirm.
"no more,, can't do another one," you whine, pushing at his shoulder.
"nooo, hey hey," he raises himself up on a forearm, bringing his other hand to your face. "you're doin' so good, you can do one more."
his words are sweet as he strokes a thumb over your cheekbone, brows slightly pinched together. "you can go a little longer, right?"
the sound that leaves your mouth is pathetic. thats the only word for it. his mouth quirks up in a small smile when you pout, bringing his thumb down to tug at it.
"don't gimme that. y'said till you're stupid, remember? can tell youre still thinkin' too much in there."
your own words are biting you in the ass. that is what you said. you both even made sure to establish a tell if it really did become too much.
"makin' y'feel good, right? you feel good?"
you nod, it feels like all you can do. the only thing you have energy for other than whining.
"just a little longer, 'kay? then I'll take care of ya." lip presses a quick kiss to your mouth, like hes trying to distract you from the way his hips start rocking again. maybe he is. you're not really sure.
"lip-" he cuts off your whining with another kiss.
"shhh, let me take care of you, yeah? Just a little longer, feelin' so good baby."
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