Find your passion, they said. Follow your guts. The real world is exciting and scary - at the same time. Choose a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life. Suck it up. Fake it ‘till you make it. Quit if you aren’t happy anymore. You wouldn’t know unless you try. Get your shit together, they said. That’s what they said.
I’ve been so passionate about many things lately. I want to see more of the world. I want to build my own career. I want to get into entrepreneurship. I want to be a filmmaker. I want to be a storyteller. I want to make music. I want to write songs that people will be able to relate to. I want to make things happen. I want to put myself out there. I want to make a difference.
There are days I feel I am on the right track, that I am making the right choices. But there are nights when I let all the negativity in my head get the best of me. I was my own worst critic. I have felt lost. I wanted to escape, I wanted to run away.
I do have a little problem with control. If you tell me how to dress, how to talk, or how to live my life, I don’t like that. I am stubborn. The kid in me is telling me to just give it a try. I thought to myself, “It doesn’t hurt to try, right?”
It really is these past couple of months that changed me and the way I see things. I learned to be okay with the fact that I am still figuring things out. You know as you get older, you get to know more of what you like and what you don’t like. You tend to care less when you really just want to put yourself out there.
I am somewhere in between. I guess I could say that. I have ideas of what I want to be, what I want to do, and where I want to go. Baby steps. You shouldn’t be content with how good you are already, because then you’ll think you’ve already made it. There is always something to improve. Success doesn’t come overnight. Life is a never ending learning process. There’s a line in one of my all time favourite movies, Before Sunset directed by Richard Linklater, where Celine said “They enjoy the gold but not the process. But the reality of it is that the true work of improving things is the littlest achievements of the day.”
Life can be shitty at times, but then it gets better. So, it’s fine if you haven’t figured stuff out yet. Just breathe.
Hold it. Do not misunderstand. I am happy. I am hopeful.
Instead of constantly searching for who I’m supposed to be and trying to uncover everything what’s ahead of me, I chose to trust Him. Trust that God will bring you everything you need in the right time. He has the perfect plan and timing for all of us. It’s as if this year was already laid out in God’s timeline for me, just as it was meant to happen. I know that everything that’s happened to me was to teach me a lesson, to test me, and my faith.
My life choices led me to experience and do things I never thought I would. I realized that I could direct and write stories. I can write song lyrics. I can host, go up to strangers and talk to them or take their photos. I can go up to the locals and a lot more. I realized, hey, I can do this stuff too, you know? I can do anything.
These lessons and realizations were not new to me. Pursuing my love for filmmaking was my big leap of faith. It gave me the time to rediscover the things that I am good at, that I am most passionate about, and things that make me happy and feel alive. I met different kinds of people coming from different walks of life too, which is where I get most of my inspiration to write. I’d like to think inspiration is always outside the internet so I go to someplace far - most likely anywhere with saltwater.
I contemplate about life stuff a lot. It’s funny and amazing how things have turned in a span of months. With only 21 years of experience, I think I am handling life’s challenges pretty well at the moment. Clearly, I haven’t made it yet but I am putting myself out there. I am chasing after my dreams. I am taking risks. I am letting people in.
I never had so much love and respect for any other person but my sister. She is my idol. She taught me so many things in life, inspired me to dream big, and to be passionate about everything I do. Thank you for giving me the world and dreaming with me, (future) atty. I feel very lucky and blessed that a good number of people helped me find my way and supported me through each step I take towards happiness. I want to be with the same people who are with me now, helping and pushing me to be the best that I can be. I want them to be with me when I go to the next level.
Starting today, I am running. I will always be running towards something. I will never stop working at getting better. Somewhere in all of this, there is calmness, hope, and beauty. I hope you find that too.
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