WHISKEY / MISERY @whiskeyiisms - Tumblr Blog

jess has been moved over to @musingmultitudes ! all threads will be carried over unless someone asks me otherwise!

lexpxrdus‌:

“i never claimed that i’ve never done a bad thing in my life, jess! i’m just saying that i didn’t do anything to him!” how has it come to this? how does it always come down to this? he’s getting frustrated with it - enough to dip out for his own sanity. “he’s made no bones about wanting me gone for good, jess. all you have to do is listen to him sometimes. if trying to stop him from saying that shit to people makes me an asshole, then i guess i’m an asshole.” the kid could spit poison with the words that come out of his mouth - that, or daggers. he shifts his bag in his hands, determined to walk despite his heart aching to just put his shit down and apologise to jess on his knees ( he loves her more than he can say, but if those two choices she’s giving him are the only choices, there’s only one possible option for him ). “i would gladly be a fucking parent! you think i don’t see everybody else with their damn kids all over the street and wish i had a chance at that? i’d love to be able to take joey to baseball games and his school things, but he won’t fucking let me! it’s not giving up if you never have a goddamn chance to start with, it’s common fucking sense.” her telling him to go is the last straw; he shifts his bag onto his shoulder with just a little more conviction and heads for the door, hesitating for a second before opening it and disappearing.

something about his words makes jess feel even more like she’s been hit hard in the chest with a fucking battering ram. there’s anguish in his tone, and it’s breaking her heart. steve wants to be a parent. he wants all of it, yet somehow, here they are, in the same trainwreck they always end up in. jess finds that the most upsetting. she wants to say something to stop him, but all she can do is watch him disappear and feel him take a part of her with him.

---

the roof has become a solace for just about everyone in the household, and tonight, jess has staked her claim. she watches the sunset with her knees drawn to her chest and tries not to think of how despondent she feels. she doesn’t know if steve is coming back - she tries to convince herself that she doesn’t care either way. jess hears someone climbing up and turns her head. “joey, i don’t wanna talk right now.” but it’s steve. her heart plummets and her breath catches in her throat for only a moment. “don’t really wanna talk t’ you either.” she says half-heartedly.

#lexpxrdus #BITING THE BULLET ( au. )#SEATED AT THE BAR ( threads. )

lexpxrdus‌:

“i didn’t do anything to him, not even with he hit both of us!” if he sounds a little too indignant, that’s because being accused of tearing the boy apart is a blow to who steve is as a person. he’s steaming in his own anger too, the perception of the injustice of it all almost unbearable. things are never going to even come close to being perfect - there’s just too much history between the two of them to get over. he doesn’t hate the kid, but he has his days where he doesn’t like josef - but he keeps that to himself because otherwise, it’d be like pouring gasoline on an already out-of-control fire. “those are the choices you’re giving me right now? be a parent to a kid who’d rather see me dead or get out?” he can’t see anything past the ridiculousness of the situation for the moment, but when he does, he moves, grabbing his work bag ( which is filled with his cap costume, his workout clothes and a couple of bottles of water ) on his way to the door. “then i guess i’m out. see you around, jess.”

“oh please, steve, spare me your fuckin’ holier than thou, i’ve never done a bad thing in my life bullshit. i know you better.” she shakes her head. to her credit, her voice is remaining surprisingly level. jess is trying at least a little bit to contain whatever disaster this is shaping up to be. “he doesn’t want you dead, steve, he wants you to be less of an asshole. and honestly, so do i.” jess watches him pick up his things and the rage coils again - perhaps a reflexive response to realizing she’s about to be abandoned. “watch out, folks, here comes captain america, the symbol of courage to a whole fuckin’ nation, who doesn’t have the balls to be a goddamn parent! you don’t get to give up on family just because shit gets difficult!” she knows she’ll regret her words in the morning. she always does - and truthfully, hurting him like this makes her chest ache. but jess can’t stop herself from saying the things that cross her mind, especially when it’s all she can do to protect herself from the hurt she knows is coming her way. “if you’re gonna go, then go-” her voice catches on the last word. “don’ let me see your face again if you’re not gonna be a part o’ this with me.”

#lexpxrdus #SEATED AT THE BAR ( threads. )#BITING THE BULLET ( au. )

lexpxrdus‌:

josef has never known when to stop pushing things, and he’s pretty sure that’s what’s going to get him killed one day. he grits his teeth, holds onto his anger and stubbornness with both hands, and gets into the car when told to. he wants to argue - wants to tell jess that he’d rather walk back home - but he’s skating on ice so thin, the water’s lapping at his ankles and he’s two seconds away from going under. “you’re not gonna change my mind.”

“not tryin’ to.” she says bluntly. “you wanna get yourself killed? be my guest. don’t come cryin’ to me when coulson tosses your ass in interrogation.” jess mutters as she starts the car, quiet obscenities pouring from her mouth as the engine refuses to turn over. “piece o’ shit!” she smacks the steering wheel hard with the heel of her palm and blows out a harsh sigh before trying the keys again. “hope whatever’s in those fuckin’ files is worth losin’ everythin’ over.”

#lexpxrdus #BITING THE BULLET ( au. )#SEATED AT THE BAR ( threads. )

lexpxrdus‌:

josef waits for an answer, curious as ever but a little distracted by everything that was going on around the pair of them. what she says, however, captures his attention more than the spaceship-shaped things flying around over their heads. “you have a secret snack cupboard?” okay, so he was hungry and his focus was on the slightest mention of food. “and you work on a shooting range? that’s so cool.” he couldn’t imagine much that would be cooler for a job. "nobody else wanted me?” it hurt, like a punch in the chest.

“i do have a secret snack cupboard.” jess laughs. “it’s full of lots of your favourite snacks, actually. though i dunno if you actually like ‘em when you’re this little.” she shrugs. she pauses when he speaks again and slowly kneels down beside him. “no, no, no-” she says quickly. she can’t have him thinking that. “it’s not that nobody wanted you, kiddo, it’s just that - well, when your parents died, no one knew what to do. everyone was real scared. so i got you away from that scary part, and i gave you somewhere to stay and someone to hold on to.”

#lexpxrdus #BITING THE BULLET ( au. )#SEATED AT THE BAR ( threads. )

lexpxrdus‌:

“i just want to punch him.” josef shrugs - there’s no most of the time about his statement. he remains where he is, standing as if he’s still ready to walk out on the conversation if everything goes south. his middle finger is slowly picking strips of skin off the side of his thumb, though, and that’s potentially the biggest tell of the jitters he has right now.

you’re my kid, joey. somehow, that eases the anxieties he’s been harbouring since steve came on the scene. he’d been holding onto the worry that she wouldn’t want him around with a new man in her life, especially since he’d already had a reputation for being difficult. he couldn’t help it - a small smile of relief broke over his face at her statement ( steve be damned - it resonated in his mind ). “i love you too, ma.”

“i know you do.” a short, bitten off laugh bubbles from her chest. all joey has done in the last few years has been punch him or consider punching him. jess isn’t sure how much more of it she can take. but then joey smiles at her, and all of the tension she’s been holding in her chest releases like a broken guitar string.

“c’mere, birdy.” she holds her arms out to him, no longer needing to hold her own ribcage together, now instead needing to hold him and reassure him that she’s not going to abandon him. “promise me you won’t forget that no matter how things go with steve and i, you’re still my priority.” jess squeezes his forearm gently. “because i don’t think i could live with myself if i knew you thought i was givin’ up on you.”

#lexpxrdus #BITING THE BULLET ( au. )#SEATED AT THE BAR ( threads. )

“It’s two AM! You better be here for a booty call.” - Sam 👀 from the angry sexual tension ones from foggy’s page

A MEME FROM BLOGS ABROAD! | not accepting | @acercontego

“yeah, yeah - in your dreams, malone.” jess rolls her eyes, but a grin filled with mirth paints her lips. “if i was here for a booty call, you’d know. i’d be dressed a hell of a lot nicer, and i wouldn’t be talkin’.” she winks before crossing her arms and getting down to the real reason why she’d arrived. “closed the bar. the cash won’t balance, it’s short almost fifty bucks. thought you’d be the one to tell.”

#acercontego #WHISKEY NEAT ( asks. )

lexpxrdus‌:

“i’m always on my toes, you just like being insufferable.” he tells her, leaning his head back to look at her with a grin of his own. “old-timer. you sound like you’ve been spending too much time with tony - or josef.” both of them like to drag his age into things. he shifts his arms beneath her legs, shifting his centre of gravity to adjust to the extra weight on his back. “not much. cleaning up some loose ends - what about you?”

“i mean, yeah, haven’t you figured that out by now?” jess grins at him. his arms brace beneath her legs and she feels much more secure. “maybe i have been. whatcha gonna do about it, huh? someone as old as you, you gotta be careful. might break a hip.” she finds joy in gently antagonizing him - how many people get to say they can pester captain america with no fear of repercussions? “i’m just here to bug you, really. i’m bored.”

#lexpxrdus #BITING THE BULLET ( au. )#SEATED AT THE BAR ( threads. )

cthlicdevil‌:

“ hi, ” it comes upon a breathless pant as matthew swings open his front door with an exhausted but no less charming smile and a wailing baby jack in his arms, soaking the shoulder of matthew’s shirt. “ please come in, sorry for the noise, thought i’d have them both asleep by now —— s’like they knew i was having company tonight, ” he talks over the impeccable power of his son’s lungs as he kicks his front door shut again. he resumes bouncing jack on his shoulder as he wanders into the living room after the other, murmuring into the baby’s bicep, “ hey, buddy, c’mon, whatcha cryin’ for, huh ? ” it’s at that precise moment that emily decides pipe up from her crib, joining in with her brother’s wails in some kind of twisted chorus. matthew throws his head back, sighing heavily, “ i am so sorry for this —— ” / open to mutuals !

“s’okay, matty.” jess smiles and enters the apartment, immediately frowning at the cacophony of sound that greets her. “hey, jack, you givin’ your daddy trouble?” she coos softly. as soon as emily kicks up her screaming match, jess smiles good-naturedly and shrugs off her jacket. “i got her. don’t worry.” she immediately moves into the babies’ room and picks emily up from her crib, bouncing her gently. “hey, pretty girl. you gonna stop cryin’ for me, huh? you’re okay.” she murmurs as she returns to the living room. jess has never been one for kids, but she’s more than happy to help matt with his. she loves them like they’re her own, anyways.

#cthlicdevil #wow im soft #DEVIL'S DUE ( au. )#SEATED AT THE BAR ( threads. )

lexpxrdus‌:

@whiskeyiisms from here! -

it’s a surprise, the way jess leaps onto his back and tangles her legs around his waist - his hands go back automatically to sit under her thighs to support her weight. “if you don’t want to be dropped, maybe give a guy some warning next time?” he suggests, but the amusement lacing his tone effectively negates the annoyance his words could hold.

“nah, not a chance.” she grins. “gotta keep you on your toes, right? gotta keep you spry and limber, old-timer.” jess cranes her neck forward and presses a kiss to his cheek. she rests her cheek against his head and tightens her grip on him, if only to reassure herself that she’s not going to fall. “whatcha doin’?”

#lexpxrdus #this is so soft im cry #BITING THE BULLET ( au. )#SEATED AT THE BAR ( threads. )

lexpxrdus‌:

it’s taken a while for the news to filter through to steve; because the s.h.i.e.l.d facility is still on lock-down, because the threat is still classed as ongoing, information is scarce. hell, he hadn’t even realised just how bad the extent of the damage is until he’s there, waving his security clearance in somebody’s face when they try to stop him. his first thought on seeing the debris is - as it had been when he’d first heard - of jess. he’d run all the way, not trusting the traffic enough to drive himself, to take a cab or accept the offer of somebody to drive him down, and now he’s glad he has - the exertion has focused him on what matters ( her ) rather than the chaos reigning around him.

he follows the noises of distress down to the med-bay, asking with a heavy tongue for jess’ room number as he hopes ( prays ) for her sake that she isn’t one of those screaming about their legs or their arms. he opens the door to the room he’d been told - opens it quickly, like ripping off a band-aid, before he can psych himself out. “jess. oh, god — are you alright? i heard bits of what happened, came straight over to see if you were okay…”

“steve-” she repeats, slowly standing on wobbly legs to rush over to him and cling. every bone in her body feels like jello, and she can’t focus her thoughts long enough to be clear-headed - but steve is here. that’s all she’s wanted. “i’m-” truthfully, she’s not sure what to say. jess is okay in the conventional sense. sure, she’s concussed and has more than a few external wounds, but she’s not one of the ones who are missing parts of themselves. at least she’s alive.

“i’m okay.” it’s a flat out lie. she stands on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck and does her best not to cry or smear blood on his shirt. “joey’s - he’s alive,” her voice sounds distant in her own ringing ears. “only a few are. steve - oh god.” jess squeezes her eyes shut and hugs him harder.

#lexpxrdus #blood //#BITING THE BULLET ( au. )#SEATED AT THE BAR ( threads. )

📱 to see how my muse has yours in their phone! ( for josef and steeb pls >_> )

SEND THE SYMBOL TO SEE HOW YOUR MUSE IS LISTED IN MY MUSE’S PHONE! | accepting | @lexpxrdus

josef:contact photo -

name - baby birdringtone - teenage kicks by the undertones

steve:contact photo -

name - america’s assringtone - star-spangled man by the star-spangled sisters

#lexpxrdus #WHISKEY NEAT ( asks. )#BITING THE BULLET ( au. )

piggyback : my muse jumps on your muses back, my muse gives yours a piggyback ride. ( from steeb! )

A MEME I HAVE LOST! | not accepting | @lexpxrdus

she’s not entirely sure what’s possessed her to jump up onto his back like this, but it’s such a nice day, and they’re having a good time outside with the dog, and the thought takes her before she has a chance to stop it. jess leaps up onto his back and wraps her legs tightly around his waist with a laugh, her arms loosely circling his neck. “don’t fuckin’ drop me, captain.”

#lexpxrdus #WHISKEY NEAT ( asks. )#BITING THE BULLET ( au. )

ღ — for a casual kiss ( from steeb! )

SEND A SYMBOL FOR MY MUSE TO KISS YOURS! | accepting | @lexpxrdus

“hey,” jess taps steve on the shoulder and grins up at him. she’s feeling rather domestic today - she’s been doing laundry and lounging around with the dog. it’s a welcome change from how volatile she’s felt lately. she stands up on her toes and kisses him gently as her arms slip around his waist. “stop doin’ whatever it is you’re doin’ and come be lazy with me.”

#lexpxrdus #WHISKEY NEAT ( asks. )#BITING THE BULLET ( au. )

her ears haven’t stopped ringing since the bomb had gone off. everything sounds muffled - whether that’s hearing damage or just general shock, she’s not sure. jess is caked in dirt and there’s a smattering of bloodstains on her uniform that she’s not sure belongs to her or one of the oh so many casualties. she hasn’t spoken a word, save for one name, since they’ve returned to headquarters. steve.

she sits on the edge of a bed in an exam room in the med bay, staring blankly at the wall. she can hear the frantic calls of other agents and the pained cries of the injured all around her, and all jess wants to do is to cover her ears and scream until it's over, but she stays unmoving. the door opens and she looks up suddenly as he appears in the doorway. “steve-” jess chokes out and reaches her hand out in his direction.

@lexpxrdus // plotted pain :(

#lexpxrdus #bomb tw #blood tw #death tw #BITING THE BULLET ( au. )#SEATED AT THE BAR ( threads. )

lexpxrdus‌:

he’s unashamed of just how needy he sounds as he begs jess to stay; he needs her right now, can’t think of anybody else to call to just… sit with him as they work through their shit. he clings to her when she hugs him, holding on as tightly as he dares to - and he’s crying too as jess sobs, the tears that had burnt at the backs of his eyes finally letting themselves go free. they’ve both lost so much over the years, and this most recent incident has evidently hit harder than expected.

“promise?” oh god, he feels like he’s ten years old again, reliant on pinky promises, ice cream and cuddles to make everything okay. “’s okay, mama.” his voice wavers a little, but his words are genuine as he continues to hold his mother close. “’s not your fault.” it’s not - as much shit as people are talking about it ( including coulson, whom josef will never forgive ), there was no way jess could’ve seen the ambush coming on so little warning.

“yes, baby, i promise.” jess clings desperately to him and presses her face into his shoulder. feeling him cry just as hard as she is is painful. she doesn’t want him to hurt anymore. in all of the years that jess has known him, joey has never been able to catch a break, and it seems the grand machinations of the universe still have no sympathy for the likes of the two of them.

he tells her it’s not her fault, but the words ring hollow in her ears. coulson blames her. the families of the kids who died, she’s sure they blame her too. jess blames herself. it’s hard for her to believe that she is free of guilt when her own feelings are so deeply rooted in the opposite. “i should have done better for you. for all of them.”

#lexpxrdus #BITING THE BULLET ( au. )#SEATED AT THE BAR ( threads. )

the last few years have been calm. peaceful, even. jess goes to work, she comes home, and she repeats the process the next evening. her thoughts have rarely been focused on frank castle, not like they used to be. before, jess feared every dark shadow and sudden noise, perpetually worried that he had come for her. the grim reaper. the punisher. she knows still, deep down, that it’s only a matter of time.

when the ghost himself wanders into josie’s, jess experiences a sudden rush of fear, unlike anything she’s ever felt before. her mouth goes dry and her body screams at her to run. she grips the counter tightly just to keep herself standing. there’s nowhere for her to go, nowhere to hide, she simply must wait and see if today is the day she dies. jess forces herself to speak as he sits down upon a stool and prays that her voice doesn’t come out as strangled as it feels. “what can i get you?”

@bloodshred // plotted starter!

#bloodshred #DEVIL'S DUE ( au. )#SEATED AT THE BAR ( threads. )

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