Streaming Stars

Where stars fall and die out... Another useless fairy tale to be forgotten.

[whispering--darkness-blog]

im such a fucking hypocrite

"tell me what's wrong"

"i want to help"

"please confide in me"

but when it comes to me

talking about it i never can

"im okay"

"it's nothing lol"

"haha yeah"

"u w u"

yeah

haha

nothing is wrong.

[whispering--darkness-blog]

i realize that i gave up being 'me'

a long time ago.

what's the point of trying again anyway

[whispering--darkness-blog]

im tired of pretending to be someone im not

but i can't stop.

[whispering--darkness-blog]

if it never sticks and i just end up feelinge mpty in the end

it's dumb because every time i am alone -

maybe not completely alone but with enough secrecy to conceal -

i scratch at my skin and watch as it slowly turns into the familiar red and aching thing i have been accustomed to seeing

and every time it gets worse because every day i have to urges

mostly in my latin class, for some goddamn reason

and i just dig my nails in. there are imprints as well and

each time i think to myself that i am a huge failure. i am a failure and what is the p;oint in tryhing because you will never be good enough. thank you for remindinbg me that i am a terrible person and i can't ever be good enough

i am alays worthlessa nd no action i will try will cahnge it

i alm awful

and i am a burden. no one really wants to talk to me because i am just an annoyance. sorryu for bothering you

i won't bother you anymore 'every day has become a pain and anothe rmark becomes imprinted in my skin

and i hate

everything about mnyself

at ths point.

[whispering--darkness-blog]

i hate you i hate you i hate you

don't you dare tell me that you are justified doing what you want

you can't tell my friend to die

you caused her to have two panic attacks and told her you wouldn't care if she died and that you'd be happy

you are the worst

i hate you and

i wish i had never met you.

go fuck off please because you are the most annoying thing

i have encountered by far.

[whispering--darkness-blog]

why won't you

take a bite out of me

and see how bitter &

resentful the 'love'

you have given me

tastes like?

only hollow laughs, 

idiotic smiles,

& careless lies flow through me

mirroring the life in you.

why don't you

come here and eat

the core of despair?

[whispering--darkness-blog]

It's funny really Everything. Everything about life, as its laced together by a fragile thread. I hope you understand that once it has been cut, it's hard to put it back together. One can guess over and over, their attempts fruitless. Whatever. I do not care anymore.

[whispering--darkness-blog]

Do you simply talk to me because it is convenient for you? Or do I actually matter? I do not know anymore, but there is a slight withering sensation where something beautiful once grew. I suppose I won't bother you with my pathetic talking. I'll shut up, then, and wait for you to address me once more. Until then I shall be counting the days- Oh wait. That will be of no use because I am nothing anymore. Nothing of your concern, that is. I hope you do not mind if I lie to your face, then. <3 Even if you once meant something to me... But, then again, it might be my monopolizing counterpart talking.

[whispering--darkness-blog]

i want to forget everyone and everything.

[whispering--darkness-blog]

rambling from me again

because really

who cares

be happy

because that would be selfish if i wasn't

i can see it again

the slight red on my neck reflected upon

a mirror

showing my futile attempts to

tell myself i am not worthless

how can one

release myself from this addiction -

if it can be called such a thing

i want to breath out everything terrible about myself

but that would be 

my very existence, wouldn't it?

[whispering--darkness-blog]

s t u p i d

silly.

thundering in my mind and wishing one could

upchuck all the emotions so you can feel

paralyzed &

ignorant to the world. I am really

dead on the inside.

[whispering--darkness-blog]

my ability to write is deteriorating.

aha.

i can feel it - the way i write now

i can't describe anything anymore.

[whispering--darkness-blog]

am i your last resort

to curing your boredom?

[whispering--darkness-blog]

do you even feel like you actually meant something

i dunno... special to a person and then you find out

oh no i'm actually not and even though

im not that close to that person i feel like 

im really disappointed

there's something in me that haha

maybe it's that aching jealousy again im so tired of it sometimes

ugh.

im so monopolizing it's sick.

haha.

im an idiot.

[whispering--darkness-blog]

[whispering--darkness-blog]

i feel an aching in my chest

and pulsing in my throat

i think to myself

how much i want to die

[whispering--darkness-blog]

i hate the summer

i look forward to it and then i realize the only thing i liked about summer was the point that school doesn't take place

and i realize that the only moments i actually enjoy in life are probably when im at school because then i can actually see my friends and its so infuriating. everyone i know cant come because of where i live and now i think about it i don't even have close enough friends id feel comfortable with

and i feel jealous with all this and its stupid ugh i feel as if im the worse

because i probably am i have all this ncie stuff and its just

haha look im the one complaining even though i live a gr8 life.

even my mother says that and she said so today about

how i don't listen well maybe if you took the time to see i don't listen adn i  don't talk to you because how you treat me

you treat me like i have to give you something because you gave birth to me

well im sorry maybe i would act better or something if i didn't hate

i should be thankful that i was born is what she says

but how can i be thankful for my life

when i hate most of it.

she doesn't even treat most people like actual goddamn humans

when something bad happens to them shes just like ooh yeah this happened aww look at that poor person

oh well okay and that seems great and all but then shes a huge gosspier

about thigns its just like look at this persont hey got killed or raped and she's just always spreading it around and if you think

for a moment that i should learn something from this 

i guess that maybe i should stop and listen -

but that isn't the point really

because im just tired of everything at this point trying to hide it

maybe im tired and sick of taking your shit because

why would i listen

to someone who's racist

and sexist about everything

and thinks everything revolves around them

but goddamn complains when i want to think about myself for once

oh yeah maybe i am selfish then

or maybe i don't fucking want you deciding my life for me.