A.Soleil

Whispers of the mind, heart & soul

[whispersofasoleil]

Rivers of the Heart

My heart broke -

I don't know if it was my fault, or the motions of this earth.

A part of me stripped away, yet I keep walking,

blocking the pain in fleeting moments, only to feel it surge back, hugging my soul with its weight.

Tears pour like rivers, my breath shatters, and I cry out to Jesus,

searching for comfort in the storm of me.

Why do I feel so deeply?

Because I loved fully,

because I remember what was sacred, because my soul refuses to forget.

I miss you.

I'm sorry.

1 am still here - heart raw,

yet unbroken in the One who holds me.

-A.Soleil

[whispersofasoleil]

Longing to Hold You Both

I saw our baby in a picture today,
And my heart ached with a quiet longing.
How I wish I could be there—
To play with her, to walk her,
To just be with her.

Regret washed over me like a tide.
I should have spent more moments,
More laughter, more gentle touches.

And then I thought of you.
Perhaps you’re living freely now,
Enjoying a life without me in it.
And still, oh how I wish
I could relive those fleeting moments
With you both.

Seeing her reminded me of you,
And memories of that last day
Came rushing back—
Bright, aching, impossible to hold.

- A.Soleil

[whispersofasoleil]

You

You are a flame,

soft enough to warm,

yet strong enough to burn through storms.

You carry the weight of love

in a heart that has been broken,

but never destroyed.

Your laughter is a lantern,

your tears—

a prayer heaven collects like jewels.

You walk with courage

even when your knees shake,

and in your silence,

God still hears your song.

You are becoming,

always unfolding,

a story written in starlight

and sealed in grace.

- CGPT

[whispersofasoleil]

Heaven’s Court

Dear God,

I wonder how You see us from above,

How angels lift their voices in endless song,

How angels rise in battle, fierce and bright,

Defending Your name when darkness stirs.

I wonder how the heavenly court unfolds—

Thrones of light, a sea of glass,

Justice flowing like rivers of fire,

Mercy shining like morning sun.

And when the enemy dares to speak,

I wonder how his words are shattered,

How his schemes dissolve to dust,

Before the power of Your Word.

Dear God,

Let me glimpse that holy sight,

Not with eyes of flesh, but with faith,

To know that heaven fights for me—

And that victory already belongs to You.

- A.Soleil

[whispersofasoleil]

After Us

You said I’ll always be your best friend,
that you ride for me,
no matter the past, no matter the pain.
But we were more than friends,
and last week… last week we broke.

Hearing it now
feels like losing someone I’ve loved
as if they’ve died,
as if the world has hollowed itself out.

I am drained.
Our story, our love,
gone like smoke in the wind,
yet I clutch it secretly,
my chest aching with each thought,
mourning what may never return.

It feels like losing two best friends at once —
my love and my laughter,
my safe place and my adventure.

I don’t want friendship.
I want us,
grabbing coffee, stealing moments,
running wild like kids in love,
taking over the city,
our hearts inseparable.

Now you’re far away,
healing,
as I always wanted.
But I had wanted to be there,
to hold your hand through it,
to walk with you, not behind you.

And I ache.
So deeply,
so unbearably,
for what we had,
for what we lost,
for what I cannot have…
yet cannot let go.

- A.Soleil

[whispersofasoleil]

A New Spark

He wasn’t tall, but not too small,
About five-seven, yet he stood tall in my thoughts.
Glasses framed eyes that seemed to see the world,
Smart, gentle, bilingual—Spanish, English.

An EMT, a helper, a heart that cares,
Not his face, not his build, but the soul behind his work
Drew me in like sunlight through a window
I hadn’t noticed I’d been closing.

I smiled at him, a spark, a flutter,
“What was that?” I wondered—flirting? curiosity? hope?
It felt good, yet different,
A pull I hadn’t felt in years.

Then my mind whispered—my ex still lingers,
Love still alive in quiet corners of my heart.
Am I ready? Am I open?
Or am I shutting the world out,
Holding on to a ghost?

Still, I notice this new feeling,
A gentle reminder that hearts can heal,
That desire can coexist with memory,
And perhaps, one day, love can too.

- A.Soleil

[whispersofasoleil]

When Longing Meets Belief

I think of a future where you and I may no longer be.
At times it feels like a sentence —
as if God has closed His hand against us,
a punishment for the wrongs we cannot erase.
But then another voice whispers
that it is only my fear,
a shadow my mind casts on the light.

I long for a life that stretches wide and forever with you.
Yet I question — is that desire mine alone?
Am I holding tighter to my own dream
than to the will of the One who writes eternity?

I’ve been learning of Adam,
how through him the door was opened,
how humanity began to add their words
to the Word that was already enough.
And I wonder:
am I guilty of the same?
Do I add my own longing
to the hope of what God has spoken?

No wonder my spirit feels torn —
caught between faith and desire,
between what I want
and what I do not yet understand.

- A.Soliel