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C’è Ancora Domani - 2023

how-to-be-a-tree-deactivated202

My husband?

He's dead

I can't even remember if I ever got married at all.

Doctor Cha (2023) Ep.04

For the last ten years I've just been trying to escape from myself and from the version of me that I am now and from the one I could have been, but didn't. Every time I think that it would be better just to not exist or to disappear.

The only time I talked to a therapist about this was when she said that I was just making it up and changing the subject altogether.

Well.

She's probably right. I need to take life in my hands and take responsibility for myself.

I still have problems with social connections and my boundaries. Sometimes I might be an unsocial asshole, and when unsocial beast bites me I change my decision to go out and stayed at home instead. At that time i think it better decision to stay home with my anxiety but in the long-term perspective my decisions bites my ass again because I can't tell my friend something like "oh you know today my hands shake so much because of thinking to go out so that's why i choose to stay at home and study" and i say "yesterday i get drunk with six shots of tequila sorry today i can't join you". I do that shit again at 29 of May in my friend's birthday. Adesso, in this time I I don't feel anything about birthday parties, and i didn't think she's get so offended. But she's younger than me and of course she get offended so much. In my defence, she invite me to fancy restaurant near fontan di Trevi or Panteon and that place so expensive. I literally can not buy gift and pay for my order because i have no work, my scholarship like a drop in the sea. I mean i literally spent my month's "wage" to bills, rent & transport card. I have no money for a bottle of milk.

Why I trying to defence? Strange but I also felt so bad now because she ignored me now.

#friendship

joesburrow-moved

OVERNIGHT in HAUNTED CASTLE.

It's been a time since I wrote my best stories. Sometimes I dream about writer's career - in my perfect dream I write dark fantasy academy setting book about a gang who study old german in spare time, drink dark beer, and ate pupils at breakfast. I'm joking. Or I wrote a remake Goldfinch by Donna Tartt - book, where a sad little girl stays alone after her father dies and … ah sorry, it's a summary of my own book, not Donna's. Something funny with huge fanbase and beautiful art. It's also a joke. Now, when I reread my stories I feel sad and embarrassed. Sad because I missed this time and embarrassed because few stories are terrible. At least one famous writer says you should love your story - every sentence, every letter, every stupid and un-logical side because no one can love this story more than you.

#english #italian language

Sembra ma gli italiani non sono mai stati portati a capire queste cose.