I Wish You Would @whothatb - Tumblr Blog

notvoid

milf-adjacent

Love how she was all carefree then skipped right over angry and went all the way to Dark Souls miniboss

agoddamnrayofsunshine

Nightmare image

erupted

lamignonette

tlabel

radicalgraff

‘Who do you call when the police murders?’

Seen in Hong Kong

kitchentable

Heartbreaks Anonymous

I’ve dated throughout my teens and early 20′s and had a couple of serious relationships. However, I mostly sought validation through sex. I believed, “well if they want to fuck me then I must be attractive”. That type of toxic ass shit. My first serious boyfriend was much older than me he was 27 and I was 19. A MESS. My last serious boyfriend was abusive and got his ass kicked by my brother. NEEDLESS TO SAY my track record was men was/is trash af.

I’ve been single A LOT. Usually for years at a time. Its not easy being the single friend all the time, it gets lonely. Its hard to watch your friends get engaged and be happy with their partners and all you can think about is “whats wrong with me”. No one wants to be a pick me ass bitch either.

In the beginning of my journey of self acceptance, I met a boy. I was 25 and he was.... well much younger than me. He was VERY attractive. Sweet and funny. He was the first guy to ever ask me straight out the gate if he could eat me out. I. WAS. SHOOK. I should never have become so infatuated with him. The thought of him still brings me so much pain. We’ve been “friends” for 4 years now. On and off fucking and I never admitted to him how I felt truly. To be fair the feelings scare me. I cant explain why I liked him so intensely. He really did not give me that much time or attention, but what he did give me I held on to for dear life.

It feels sick now that I think about it and as I type this out I just don’t understand why I can’t get over it. I just want to forget him and forget how he made me feel. We’ve both dated other people and have seen each other between those relationships. I don't understand why he would fuck me. I can only assume he knew I wouldn't reject him. All I know is when the opportunity to visit him in the city he was attending college in presented itself, I took it.

Keep in mind, I was getting out of a toxic relationship with a man who verbally abused me, but thats for another post.

I had never been to this city and I had one friend there who could keep me busy. When it came down to the first night of me being there, he completely shattered my heart. I could have killed myself, God only knew how much I wanted to die. I was forced to deal with it head on. There was no escape, there was no avoiding it. He never liked me the way I liked him. He would never love me. There was no future for us. This was my reality. I spent valentines day alone in an unfamiliar city. I could write a movie about how fucked up the whole situation was and I couldn’t tell you who was the protagonist.

All I know is, the pain runs deep. I feel it in my chest and it burns a hole through my soul.

#no love #dear diary #dear tumblr #mental health #mental heath support #heartache #heart break

2-day mental breakdown

I completely broke down this week. Cried myself to sleep for two days. Spent an entire day in bed. I couldn’t control it. I lost my shit. I’ve never broke down like that before.

This year has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I got my best friend back, however her presence has stirred up a lot of unresolved issues within myself. It was the cause of the breakdown to be honest. Theres so much to say and I don’t even know where to start.

I need an outlet to get these thoughts out. I pretty sure no one checks my tumblr. But if you do then here it is. A series. And it starts today.

#dear diary #journal #log #thoughts #a process #mental health

dailychloesevigny

Chloë Sevigny, 2020

exhaustedborderline

text from @especialty

whothatb

I was recently forced to face this part of myself. In a city that was not my own, alone, with a person who didn’t love me how I loved them. It was a painful experience, but a learning one nevertheless.