Here For You | J.M
Requested? Nope (sorry I’ll do a request soon promise but this idea couldn’t wait)
Summary: Y/n starts seeing her dead boyfriend, Jonah, everywhere she goes, and eventually figures out why
Warnings? Uh it’s sad?? And swearing but what else is new, and hella long
Word Count: 4.4k
Tags: @whydontwe-fanfics @electricseavey @angelseavey @lovablebesson @averysgarl @the-headass @jjeepersnutss @adorkableavery @samithepixie @allmyloveavery @jonahmaraismakesmyday @ishouldtakeyoutothemoon @ijustreallylovethem @corbynscabbitch @lovableherron @superseavey @dailydoseofherron @faithinwdw @blueeyedbesson @heyowdw @jackaverybabe
A/n: So this is the most excited I’ve been for an imagine in a LONG time, I’ve worked so so hard on this because I wanted to be perfect and it’s one of my favorites. I love it a lot and I hope you guys love it as much as I do and I apologize in advance!!
Work. It seemed to be the same routine every day, or so you thought. Give coffee and pastries to customers, smile and tell them to have a nice day. It was like routine, always the same.
A young couple walked in, probably about 18 years old, and gave you warm smiles as they walked up to order. When they ordered, your heart sank a little, recognizing the boy’s order as what Jonah used to get every time he came.
You forced a smile onto your face and went to make the drinks, your exhale shaky as you grabbed the coffee cups, your hand warming up and tingling as the hot drinks poured in.
Once you handed them their drinks and they paid, you watched them walk off, making their way to the corner table right by the window.
The one you and Jonah used to always sit at.
The small hairs on your arms stood up, your body shuddering despite the fact that you couldn’t peel your eyes away from the couple who sat at a table that held so many memories.
The way her eyes lit up as she threw her head laughing at a joke he made caused your heart to sink to the bottom of your stomach, remembering all the times that you laughed just as hard with Jonah. The sun made their faces glow, his hand holding hers from across the table.
The love the two shared radiated throughout the entire café, a blanket of nostalgia and heartbreak wrapping around you, weighing you down.
You took in a slow, deep breath, trying to push the memories from years ago out of your mind, but the brightness of their eyes had you almost entranced.
You felt relieved when your coworker finally came out from the back room, allowing you to rush back to take a break and collect your rapid thoughts.
You sat on the black folded chair placed on the wall, your elbows resting on your legs with your head in your hands.
“Stop,” you whispered to yourself, fighting the tears threatening to pour down your cheeks.
When you finally calmed down your breathing, you told yourself you were fine, that you’ve been fine, and that it was time to go out and finish your shift. Don’t make it harder than it has to be.
The sight before you when you opened your eyes took your breath away, making you gasp loudly as you grabbed onto the wall as if that was of any use.
Jonah stood before you, standing against the opposite wall, his brown hair perfectly placed as his blue green eyes stared into yours.
You instinctively squeezed your eyes shut, shaking your head to get the image away as you dragged your feet across the floor, leaving the back room to get back to work.
As you scanned the room at the tables, focusing on the door hoping for new customers and the ringing of the bell to break you from your thoughts and distract you, you saw him. Again.
His plain black t shirt hung perfectly on his body, the jean jacket with roses on the sleeves placed over it. As you stared at him and the blue jeans that covered his legs, you remembered that it was the last thing you saw him in. 3 years prior. The last time you saw him alive. Before the blood, the cuts, the discoloration.
You didn’t even realize someone was in front of you until you felt a nudge at your side, your coworker lifting her eyebrows at you, non verbally telling you to get out of your own world.
“Sorry, bit of a weird day,” you said. That was an understatement.
As you took the customer’s order, your gaze kept going back to Jonah, who stood at the back of the café, no movement other than the blinking of his lively eyes, never breaking contact from yours.
“Go away go away,” you muttered under your breath as you turned around to make the coffee, hoping he would be gone in a few seconds. He needed to be gone.
Your breath hitched in your throat when you turned back around, Jonah having not moved from where he stood moments before. Once your customer was gone, you shut your eyes again, rubbing them with your fists and hitting the front of your forehead with the lam of your hand. What was happening?
Seeing as your boss was on vacation, you told your coworker, who also happened to be your friend, that you weren’t feeling well. She told you she would cover for you and that you looked like you needed to go home.
After thanking her, you put your uniform away and grabbed your phone and yours purse, stopping dead in your tracks when you walked back out, Jonah standing in front of the glass door you were about to leave from, a stoic expression across his face.
You took a deep breath and walked past him, swearing you could smell him as the breeze passed between you. You shook your head and began walking to your apartment that was only a few minutes away.
When you heard footsteps beside you, you saw the all too familiar side profile in your peripheral vision. You continued walking, your steps and his becoming synchronized, somehow.
“You’re not real, you’re not real. Go away,” you whispered to yourself, looking down at your feet as an attempt to avoid the glimpses you caught of your dead boyfriend from the corner of your eye. “I’m walking alone. Straight ahead, by myself.”
Your shaky hands fumbled with your keys, rattling as you shoved it in the door, throwing it open and slamming it behind you the second you entered the apartment, leaning against it with your body.
“I need to sleep. This has to be sleep deprivation. I’m going crazy,” you whispered, realizing how weird it was in itself that you stood there talking to yourself.
You walked into your bedroom, jumping into bed and pulling the covers over your head, praying that this was all a really, really weird dream.
On your day off the following day, you decided to go see the boys at their house since you lived nearby. After losing Jonah, you didn’t see them as often as you were used to. Your grief had originally pushed you away, and years later life just got in the way of how often you saw each other.
You grabbed your shoes and sat on the small bench by your front door to lace them up, suddenly feeling a presence beside you. You lifted your head up, looking straight ahead at the blank cream colored wall, your breathing shallow as you refused to look beside you.
“You can’t be here,” you whispered, closing your eyes. “I’ve been moving on. I have a job, I go to school, I have a life. You can’t be here, you need to go because I need to continue moving on.”
When you opened your eyes again, there was no one beside you. A sigh of relief left your body as you found yourself looking around. Just you and your empty apartment, the deafening silence driving you to rush out to your car, craving the interaction with your friends to pull you out of whatever funk you had found yourself in the midst of.
The boys were excited to see you again, and you were excited to see them, but you couldn’t help but notice the silent presence of Jonah on the couch next to you, his arm draped over the top of the couch.
How am I seeing this. He’s dead. He’s gone. He’s not here.
As you talked with the boys, Jonah began adding comments as you spoke, making your heart race. His soft voice filling the room, as if he was still here. As if you were hanging out like you all did years ago.
“Shut up,” you said out loud accidentally.
“What?” Zach asked, looking over at you as he furrowed his brows.
“Nothing, just talking to myself,” you chuckled, rolling your eyes at yourself and waving it off it hopes that no one would pay attention to the fact that you told your dead boyfriend to shut up. You were crazy.
You pulled Daniel aside, feeling like you needed to tell him about what was happening. After you lost Jonah, you had become extremely close with Daniel. He was the only person who understood how much it hurt you to lose him, and the two of you spent countless nights talking, crying and grieving together.
“Are you okay? You seem a bit off,” Daniel inquired, sitting next to you on the edge of his bed, feeling it sink down.
“Do you ever….see Jonah?” you asked, realizing how insane you sounded when the words left your mouth.
“I mean, I’ve seen him in dreams,” Daniel shrugged, acting more nonchalant than you expected, his reaction calm and collected.
“But have you ever seen him when you’re awake. Perfectly conscious?” I repeated.
“No, I don’t think so. Why?” he wondered, turning to face me, his blue eyes looking into mine, a look of worry mixed with sympathy filling the ocean patterns.
“I can see him. I’ve been seeing him for two days. He spoke today. He was talking and he stands there and I can see him, Daniel, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I panicked, running my hand through my hair as I put my head in my hands.
“It’s okay, Y/n. I mean, when you lose someone sometimes you get really messed up about it. I’m sure it will go away,” he replied calmly, his hand running up and down your back.
“Why is he touching you like that?” you heard Jonah say, your head shooting up to see him standing in the corner, a smirk playing across his face jokingly.
“I-I hope so. I feel crazy, Danny,” you mumbled.
“You’re okay, Y/n, you’re probably just tired,” he explained, standing up and putting his hand out for you to take, leading you back downstairs where the boys remained.
“Hands off my girl, Seavey,” Jonah called from behind you, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut once again, even though by now you realized that he wasn’t going away that easily.
You sat on your bed, staring blankly ahead of you, trying to ignore Jonah’s aching presence beside you.
“The silent treatment huh?” Jonah asked, laughing slightly as he shook his head at you like he always did, the sound of his laugh making goosebumps dance across your arms and legs. “I thought you would be happy to see me.”
You finally got the courage to look up at him, the low orange light of the room casting a shadow across the grooves in his face. His cheeks and his eyes full of life. His skin smooth, and untouched. The wounds you had seen magically closed up, gone.
“I’ve wished every day since you died that I could see you again. I’ve wanted to hear you, see you, and touch you one more time. To see you here and not be able to hold you is hurting me so bad,” you explained, shaking your head.
“You can touch me,” he told you, taking a step closer.
“You’re not real, Jonah. You died, you’re not real,” you said angrily, frustration overcoming your body.
“I’m as real as you are, Y/n. Touch me,” he whispered.
“I’m crazy. I’m sitting here talking to myself! You aren’t real!”
“Why are you here?!” you screamed once you were met by his silence once again, standing up to be closer to his face, your eyes refusing to meet his.
“I’m here for you, Y/n,” he answered.
“No,” you shook your head, pacing back and forth around the room, “you’re not real. You need to go Jonah, you need to go,” I repeated, my body shaking as I tried to shake out the anxiety.
“I’m not going anywhere, Y/n. I’m here for you.”
Your eyes glued to your laptop screen, researching extensively about ghosts and spirits, trying to find some way to get rid of the presence that was haunting you.
“Spirit clings to fabric that once belonged to them,” you whispered to yourself, standing up and walking to your closet, pulling out everything you had kept that belonged to Jonah.
“I have to get rid of it. Burn it. Something,” you muttered to yourself, shoving the clothes in a bag as you got ready to take them to Daniel, make him take everything away from you.
As you stood at the front door, Jonah stood next to you, his shadow spread across the hardwood floor as your gaze remained downward.
“I’m sorry we never got our chance, Jo,” you whispered to him, “I wanted to marry you, grow old with you, we had so much we wanted to do, and I’m sorry. I love you so much, you have a part of me and you always will, but I need to move on. I can’t spend my life drowning in the feeling of missing you. I love you so much, Jonah,” you said quietly, your stare never faltering.
“Why are you telling me this?” he wondered.
“So that I can grieve and move on properly, and your soul can be at peace and go back to wherever you came from,” you replied, looking up and facing him, his shoulders moving up and down with each breath that he took.
“I’m fine, Y/n. I’m at peace. I’m here for you,” he repeated.
“Goodbye Jonah,” you said, ignoring his comment as you walked out the front door, running to your car, needing to get rid of his stuff and be freed of whatever was happening.
From when you left your apartment all the way until you got home, you didn’t see him. Maybe you solved it. Maybe he was actually gone now.
It was just because of the memory. The memory brought him back. Getting rid of his stuff might have been the solution.
You walked back into your room, darkness taking over other than the light of your laptop that you had left open, an eerie glow filling the room. You leaned your head against the wall, closing your eyes as you took a deep breath, sadness washing over you. He was gone.
You screamed when you opened your eyes, Jonah standing in front of you.
“Why are you still here? I said goodbye, I got rid of everything!” you exclaimed, an edge growing in your voice as you spoke.
“I’m here for you,” he said, once again.
“You’re not, Jonah! What does that even mean? You died, Jonah. You left me here, you died and you left me alone. You are not here for me!” you screamed, tears finally welling up in your eyes.
“I’m sorry I died, baby, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, taking a step closer.
“No! You don’t get to apologize. Dead people don’t apologize. I killed you, Jonah, so no, you don’t get to apologize!” you screamed, falling to the floor as you began to feel dizzy and overwhelmed. “You’re not even real.”
Flashback
“Wine?” Jonah laughed as he watched you walk into the living room, swaying your hips slightly as you placed the bottle down on the wooden coffee table, the glow from the fire light turning Jonah’s skin sun kissed.
“Can’t say no to a convincing pretty face like that,” he winked, taking the bottle and opening it, sipping right from the bottle.
“Wow you’re wild,” you laughed, plopping on the couch beside him as you leaned your head on his shoulder, the fire warming your skin and his.
*
“I’ll be right back,” Jonah called as he made his way to the front door of the cottage you had rented for the weekend, his hand clutching the door handle.
“Where are you going?” you asked, walking over to him, your arms crossed over your chest.
“I just need some air,” he replied, nodding his head quickly.
“Want me to come?” you asked as a yawn took over your body, making him laugh.
“Get some sleep, I’ll join you in a few minutes,” he smiled, earning a nod from you as you walked into the bedroom, crawling under the duvet, sleep washing over you.
*
You woke up to an empty bed, looking at the red numbers on the digital clock beside you, showing that it had been hours that you’ve been sleeping.
“Jonah?” you called, flipping the covers off your body as you stepped onto the floor, a shock shooting up your body as the cold from the floor hit your bare feet.
Jonah wasn’t in the cottage. Where was he?
You threw a hoodie over your body, running out barefoot, calling Jonah’s name into the open air, the trees surrounding you casting shadows under the moonlight.
You walked down the path a few feet away from the cottage, your feet hurting from the sticks and rocks hitting them with every step, but you didn’t care.
“Jonah!” you called again, looking around you for any sign of him, listening for any noise.
When you looked to your right, you saw the most horrific sight you had ever seen.
“Jonah!” you screamed as you looked down into ravine, Jonah’s body spread across the dark grey rock, red liquid pooling around him.
You grabbed onto tree branches, carefully making your way down to him as fast as you could, almost falling many times.
When you reached his body you placed your hands on his face, the blood staining your skin, shaking him slightly.
“Jonah? Baby, wake up,” you screamed, shaking him slightly harder, earning nothing but his head bobbing in response, his eyes shut, his body heavy.
“You can’t leave me.”
“I’m real, Y/n. I’m here, I’m real. Just touch me,” he urged again. You stood up, your hand shaking as it reached towards him, hovering over his chest. He lifted his hand, placing it over yours as he brought it to his chest, the warmth of his body radiating through the fabric of his shirt onto your hand, his heart beating against it.
You breathed rapidly, a smile breaking out onto your face as tears joined and steamed from your irritated eyes.
“See? I’m real,” he smiled, squeezing your hand gently.
“But, how? What are you? A ghost? A dream? I don’t understand,” I whispered.
“Figure it out, Y/n, you’re a smart girl,” he replied.
You took a step closer, placing your hands on either side of his face as you brought your lips to his, the feeling of his familiar mouth against yours making the butterflies in your stomach erupt. This has to be a dream. You couldn’t be kissing him.
“Come lie in bed with me,” he insisted, lying down with his arms open, waiting for you to join him just as you lay in bed waiting for him a few years ago.
You lay next to him, his arms wrapping around you as he kissed the top of your head, memories of a few years ago rushing back like a tidal wave. The late nights up talking as you cuddled, the giggle fits at 3am, everything.
You didn’t want to wake up from this dream, but you knew, eventually, you had to.
You woke up to the warm sun tingling your skin, the bed empty beside you.
“Jonah?” you called, standing up quickly, rushing as you opened your bedroom door, revealing him standing there.
“You can’t do that!” you exclaimed, “I thought you left me again, I-I thought you were gone,” you breathed.
“I’m here,” he answered, leaning against the door frame.
“This doesn’t make sense. I can feel your heartbeat, I can kiss you, smell you, feel your breath against my skin. It’s not possible,” you shook your head.
“It’s possible,” he answered simply.
“I’m crazy, I have to be crazy. Or maybe you’re not dead, maybe that’s the part of me that’s crazy and you’re still here,” you laughed, touching the side of his face as you smiled at him.
“I’m sorry baby,” he whispered, kissing your cheek, “I’m not alive.”
“How can I smell your skin and feel your heart if you’re not alive?” I asked again, my voice shaky. “Your lips and your cheeks are pink, your hair is full, you’re alive.”
“Because I’m real to you,” he replied solemnly.
“There’s a world out there Jonah, a world I need to live in. I’m alive, Jonah. I can’t stay stuck in here with you. I’ve been in here, talking to myself! So you gave me one last good night together for me to properly move on and grieve and stop blaming myself for you dying and when I get home from work you’ll be gone,” I explained, more for myself than for him.
“I’m not going anywhere, Y/n, I’m here for you,” he said, once again.
“What does that even mean?” I asked, frustrated as I rubbed my eyes, pinching my skin to wake myself up from whatever it was that was happening.
“Figure it out. Now go, you have work,” he said, nudging you and giving you and encouraging smile to go get ready for your day.
He’s gonna be gone. He has to be gone now. It was one last night, and now he’ll leave. I needed it to move on. I needed the closure.
You walked through your front door, gasping again as Jonah stood there, the sun shining through the bay window reflecting off his bright eyes.
“You really won’t leave,” you muttered to yourself.
“I’m here for you.”
“I love you, Jonah. So much, I always will. I loved you more than anything in the world. I want to go out for dinner with you and not look like a crazy person talking to myself. I want to walk down the street holding your hand, take you home to my parents on holidays. I-I want you alive, Jo, not like this,” you said, shaking your head as tears leaked from your eyes and down your hot cheeks.
“Are you-are you breaking up with me?” he asked, lifting an eyebrow.
“I think I am, Jonah. I have to. I have to move on. You’re dead, and I have to keep living without you, as hard as it is. I want you alive, and I hate that we can’t have that. You have to go, Jonah, please. Don’t you want me to be happy?” you asked.
“I want nothing more than for you to be happy, Y/n. I can’t leave though, I’m here for you,” he said.
“I don’t want you here Jonah, I can’t date a ghost! You can’t be here so go back to heaven or wherever you came from and just let me move on!” you screamed.
“Do you believe in heaven, Y/n?” Jonah asked, pulling your hand into his.
“I don’t know. I want to,” you answered, exhaling loudly.
“When I got to come back here, come back and see you, I thought this must be heaven. Heaven is wherever you are, Y/n. You are my heaven, but maybe I’m your hell,” he said.
“Shut up! Shut up! I don’t even know what that means, I don’t know what you are! I don’t know what’s happening to me!” you said, running your hands through your hair and tugging slightly, a loud sob escaping your lips as you sat on the couch, tears free falling, no words coming out of your mouth despite it being wide open, the only sound loud gasps and shrieks as you let out everything you had been trying so hard to hold in.
“I want you to be happy, more than anything. It hurts me to be here too, it really does, but I can’t leave, I can’t,” he said sternly. “Think, Y/n. You need to figure it out yourself. Think, you’re smart.”
“I can see you, feel you, smell you, hear you. It’s not possible. I have to be crazy it doesn’t make sense,” I shook my head.
“Figure it out, Y/n. I’m here for you,” he muttered as he ran his hand through your hair, wiping the tears that were streaming down your face, tinted black from the mascara you had put on that morning.
You sat with Daniel on your balcony, explaining him everything that had been happening, knowing he was the only person in the world who wouldn’t attempt to immediately send you to the psych ward for what you had been saying.
“He just keeps saying he’s here for me. I’m his heaven but he’s my hell. He’s here for me,” you explained, feeling confused for a moment before it hit you, your eyes widening as your entire body stiffened.
Daniel finally went home and you ran into your bedroom, hunched over to catch your breath as you felt Jonah’s presence beside you once again.
“Heaven and Hell,” you muttered.
“Yes,” Jonah said softly, standing at a wider distance from you than he had previously.
“You’re not here for me, Jonah. You’re here for me. You’re here for me. You came to get me,” you whispered.
“I’m sorry baby,” he whispered back, meeting your volume and tone. “I thought you were my heaven. I love you so much, Y/n. I’m not your heaven, though.”
“I’m dying. I’m sick. And instead of telling me, you just stood there for days instead of saving me! Screw you, Jonah! I hate you, I fucking hate you! You selfish son of a bitch! Leave!” you screamed, running over to him and shoving him backwards, his arms reaching out to stabilize both of you as you attempted to push him again.
“I can go now, because you know,” he muttered. “I don’t know if I can ever come back if I leave. You get to choose.”
“Between heaven and hell, I choose heaven. I choose life, Jonah. So go. Get out of here! I’m not going with you, I’m not. I might be your heaven but I choose life!” I explained.
“Y/n,” he said calmly, reaching out to touch your face.
“Go. What are you waiting for?” you asked rhetorically, not looking at him as tears stung your eyes and your skin.
He pressed his lips against yours one last time, telling you he loved you before walking away, leaving you alone and shaking in his wake.
“I’m gonna die,” you whispered to yourself as your knees wobbled.
i’m literally in tears. someone help
