___

I'm Carly and I like chameleons

[scatterbug]

[fuselii]

today i learnt that king tutankhamun made sure that he had a condom with him in his next life. i never want to hear a dude say he didn’t have the time to be prepared or didn’t remember to buy condoms. if king tut had the common decency of making sure someone put a condom in his resting place alongside one of the biggest treasures ever so he could practice safe sex in the afterlife no present day dude has an excuse for not wearing condoms.

[marzipanandminutiae]

here it is

it’s made of animal intestine

and they know it was his because they found residue inside that they were able to DNA-match to him

yes, that kind of residue

[nutheadgee-deactivated20190314]

My mans Tutankhamun was already busting a nut when Osiris was measuring his soul to go see his ol man Ra like imagine having such guts.

When will your fave ever?

[reservoirdogs]

My brother is in Malala’s course in oxford and he just sent me this from their groupchat

[sweet-cider]

[angelicguy]

cutie dogs- a hotdog coated in a delicious lollipop shell

[theybby-deactivated20231001]

I’m screaming??? So my cat knows I get upset when he steps on my paintings (not yelling or anything I think he just sees me spend hours trying to cover up what his paws do) in my “studio” which is a crammed small storage closet with painting all over the floor drying , so like I’m in there rn and I saw him try to get to point A to point b but it was impossible for him to jump over so like he realized the matte parts were dry and like he was stepping on the corners of the painting and every step he’d look at his paw to see if he fucked up and honestly it was the most thoughtful thing ever I don’t ever wanna hear anyone ever say that cats don’t care

[gaymerlvl-pharmercy]

I beg you, if this ever happens again, get a video

[enjoy-the-life-baby]

[sunnybot]

assflash newshole

[dennybitte]

hanging down

by Denny Bitte

[mostlyskateboarding]

[sick-intentions]

I just wanna be the girl of someone’s dreams ya know

[numahachi]

[factsinallcaps]

THE LEGENDARY STORY OF THE TROJAN HORSE DOES NOT INVOLVE THE GREEKS GIVING THE HORSE TO THE TROJANS AS A GIFT. THE GREEKS’ DECEPTION WAS ACTUALLY THAT THEY LEFT THE HORSE AS AN OFFERING TO THE GODDESS ATHENA. 

IN THE LEGEND, THEY BASICALLY SENT SOMEONE TO TROY TO SAY “THIS HORSE IS FOR ATHENA, NOT YOU, SO OUR RETREAT BACK TO GREECE IS SAFE. DON’T TRY TO TAKE IT. IT WON’T FIT THROUGH THE GATES OF YOUR CITY, SO THERE’S NO WAY YOU DICKS CAN STEAL IT AND PRETEND YOU GOT IT FOR ATHENA. NOT FOR TROJANS.”

AND THEN TROY WAS LIKE “YOU’RE NOT OUR DAD. WE WON THIS WAR AND WE’RE TAKING YOUR STUPID HORSE AS A TROPHY SO WE’LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW BAD GREECE IS AT DESTROYING TROY.” 

AND A FEW TROJANS WERE LIKE “THIS IS A TRICK” AND TRIED TO EXPOSE IT AS A TRICK BUT THE REST OF THE TROJANS WOULD HAVE NONE OF IT BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS SWEPT UP IN THE THRILL OF VICTORY, AND ALSO BECAUSE THE GODS KEPT SENDING SNAKES TO STRANGLE ANYONE WHO SAID ANYTHING, BECAUSE THE GREEK GODS HAD NO WORD FOR “SUBTLETY”

THEN AT NIGHT ALL THE GREEKS JUMPED OUT OF THE HORSE LIKE “WE TOLD YOU NOT TO TAKE THE HORSE, WHY ARE YOU SUCH PRIDEFUL DICKS” AND BURNED DOWN THE WHOLE CITY

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

This makes a lot more sense

[strangeparker]

My daughter is literally a Disney princess.

[clairelandhenley]

Beautiful

[strangeparker]

<33

[doctorkong]

Visit Original Link

[deceptipup]

young adult things: washing your colors with your whites because you don’t care you JUST don’t fucking care

[browsedankmemes]

[draconic-cuddles]

OH MY GOD IT’S HIM