buffy had thought for a moment, that the worst of it was over. but that had been just a desperate plea, shouted into the void. now … she was grieving. all she did was grieve these days. giles had left when she had needed him most, her mom taken from her, and now tara.
there was guilt, too. guilt that wrapped itself so tightly around buffy, and she was choking on it.
it was too much. she had just been so preoccupied. taking care of dawn, working to keep food on their plates; busy with life too, trying to live it, trying not to —-- and spike. god, if she had just focused less on spike, maybe it didn’t have to be this way … maybe if willow hadn’t magic’d the bullet out of buffy’s chest, then tara would still be here. if buffy was sure of anything it was that tara deserved a second chance at life, and she’d be far better at it than buffy ever had been.
this was life now, buffy chasing her best friend around. futile attempts to make willow behave, try to get her to see things clearly. but buffy knew, this wasn’t the willow she had known for the past six years. long lost was the willow who she rolled around in the sunnydale high grass with, the willow who reassured her that they would fight evil together. that it was worth it, a good fight. thinking of it now made buffy’s chest HURT, because it meant she was alone again, fighting the evil alone.
making it a million times worse, willow was now the evil and buffy had followed her —- to no real surprise —-- a demon bar. buffy interrupted half-way through willow’s monologue, a frown permanently etched across her face. subconsciously, buffy reaches out and grasps willow’s wrist, twisting and making the empty glass bottle fall from her grasp. “ will —-- ” she let’s go quickly, the palm of her hand HOT. nervous that willow won’t let this slight go unpunished. “ this is low for you. ” buffy’s reproach is familiar now, but the taste of disappointment makes her stomach churn. “ what are you doing, will ? since when did you have any vendetta against harmless demons, who’ve done nothing to you, by the way. ” it’s no use, she knows. but she has to try, it’s willow after all. “ aren’t you tired of this ? ‘cause this whole willow bad thing, it needs to stop. you need to stop. ‘cause i just can’t … you can’t keep doing this, willow. ”
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