november prompt even if it's a month late: thanks
mentioning @knightguilt
trigger warnings: religious guilt, self-deprecation, mentions of miscarriage
"you're a very special girl, sooha," her father said with a warm smile, his eyes formed into crescents with wrinkles appearing near his eyes. "and i mean that literallly, too. you are a very special child."
"i am?" the eight-year-old asked with a big grin on her face, turning away from the television to stare at her father. "do i have super powers? like jesus?"
the older korean man laughed and shaked his head. "no, sweetheart. unfortunately, your only superpower is the amount of joy you bring to both your mother and i. have you ever heard of the term 'rainbow baby'?"
curious, the girl scooted herself so that she faced her father in front of her. she looked at him intently, her eyes probably brimming with childlike wonder. "what's a rainbow baby? is that like... a baby with rainbow powers?"
the man smiled and shook his head. "no, sweetie. do you remember how, in the bible, god made a rainbow in the sky after the flood?"
the little girl nodded her head.
"well, you were our rainbow," he explained, his smile softening. "you came after... a very difficult time for your mom and i. you see, before you, we had another baby... but he left for heaven before we could even get to meet him."
the child frowned. "oh no... i wish i could've met him! i could've had an older brother!"
the man nodded. "your mother and i... when we learnt that your mother had you, we were petrified. after your brother passed away, your aunts and uncles... they told us that, to avoid any health complications, it'd be best to just...." he pauses, wondering how he was going to phrase the next set of words in the most gentle way possible. "... let god keep his precious angels. that it could bring your mother a lot of pain, should you come to our life."
sooha pouts. "aw... i don't want to hurt you or eomma," she commented.
"so, your mother and i prayed every day. we went up to the nabawi catholic church. the church in iksan?" he smiles. "it's... not a very short drive." he says with a nervous laugh. "but, your mother and i didn't mind it. we took time out of our days. we would leave work early so that we can go up together and pray to god, pleading with him to give us our special daughter. we prayed to him, telling him that we'd treat his special angel with the most care. we begged and begged, telling him that his angel would be in good hands with us... and he listened." he reached over to ruffle her hair. "do you know why you're named sooha?"
her eyes sparkled from the story, feeling truly... very special, knowing that she essentially came as a miracle to her family. when he asked her the question behind her name, she shook her head, excited to hear how he'd explain it.
"well, a rainbow forms usually after a period of storm. like a flood or a lot of rain," he began. "in chinese, the character for '수' can either mean 'beautiful' or 'water'. and then '하' can mean 'mist' or 'rosy cloud'." he smiles. "so, you were named after a period of sadness for your mother and i. like a rainbow at the end of a storm.... our beautiful sooha."
"i love you, appa!" the girl stood up from the floor to pull her father into a hug. she hugged him tightly, feeling overjoyed over being loved so much by her family. the couple went through so much to have her. they endured such hardships and god rewarded them with her.
she was a miracle given by god. and at such a young age, she knew how precious she was.
so all she can do now... is live to show her gratitude.
————————————————————————————
cho sooha hasn't gone to church in the last few weeks. it's not that she didn't want to. she knew many people, online and offline, who stopped going to church by personal choice because of time constraints or because of a lack of belief. but she was fully devoted, and she had plenty of time on her sundays to go...
the main reason why she couldn't get herself to go... was guilt.
it's strange. in the past, she would be able to go to church despite having to face the fact that she was a sinner any time she was there. but perhaps it's different now because she had her parents back then, who were able to shield her. with her parents, who still saw her as a good child, she was able to go to church with no issues and no guilt whatsoever. is it different now because she'd have to face the guilt on her own? her parents no longer could shield her from jesus's intense gaze upon her?
regardless, she hasn't exactly been the most active churchgoer. she'd still attend meetings of the bravehearts, but even then, it's more so her pushing herself to go. she feels compelled to go to student council because of how high it was prioritized compared to other clubs on campus... besides ophiuchus, of course.
anime club and bravehearts were the only clubs that she's been avoiding this past week. and, yes, it did have to do with the fact that going to either or filled her with immense guilt. one club was dedicated to praising the god she betrayed, and the other club was a form of glorifying escapism... at least, to her, it felt that way.
due to her skipping out of church a lot more as of recently, she's been using that time in the morning to get work done... and by work done, it's the fanfiction. perhaps that's another reason why she feels guilt. because while she does her homework on the weekdays—sometimes saturday, she saves the lord's day to indulge in her guilty pleasure. isn't that ironic? for her to willingly be selfish on the day she should dedicate herself to the lord? how dare she disrespect him in such a way?
but rather than writing productively on her document, she stares at her screen blankly, her fingertips hovering over the keyboard as if... WAITING to move. WAITING to see something extraordinary happen. with the advice she was given last time about the last chapter, she was sure she had a plan to work on next. but any time she tried to type out ANY word, she'd second-guess herself and press the backspace hurriedly, watching as the word undoes itself.
she's had moments where she's stuck in a creative block before, but she didn't think she'd encounter it with this fanfic in particular. what's there to get a creative block about? it's a university au. SHE HERSELF is in university, so she should be able to write it with no issues...
but with the thoughts that plague her mind... about her faith, her family, and what her future would be like... a future for the god that she essentially owed her life to. a god who blessed her parents with her birth, only for her to become a sinner in the end. and here, she's at the school where she's supposed to be focusing on her textbooks and notes on religious texts in different countries... unable to continue the story that other people are waiting on her for. no matter how she looked at it, she was ultimately disappointing people.
isn't that depressing? just to be trapped in the middle of what is morally right and wrong?
an idea pops into her head that pulls her to put aside both her laptop and her textbooks, pulling out the middle drawer from her desk to grab a journal. its appearance suits a person who comes off as polite, innocent, yet also cute like her: a white faux-fur book with a small strap that has a button to click it shut, a small phone charm with green and pink beads, hanging on a white string. to tie in the cuteness of this book is a small, pink patch on the bottom right titled "little atelier: with a happy-faced house and three flowers surrounding it.
with her thumb, she unclicks the button on the strap to unlock the book, flipping open to a blank page for her to write in the thoughts that fill her head in this moment and time. in her head, she believes that if she frees herself of these thoughts, then she'll be able to focus on her work... whether that be the fanfic or her actual schoolwork. with an inhale, she clears her desk to give her notebook space to lie flat before she grabs an ink pen to mark the pages with her thoughts... and grievances.
why is this the life that i'm given?
to live surrounded by others who praise me so much, not knowing how rotten of a person i am on the inside?
i feel as though the person who shows herself around yeonhwa university is just a mask. an impression that i've had and perfected for the last few years so that everyone around me could admire me. praise me. look to my parents and tell them that i'm destined for great things.
but in this pristine-looking, rounded person is a liar. an ugly, twisted liar that is worse than satan himself. how can i be surrounded by students who are honest in what they do and what they work for? how can i compare myself to people who are not afraid to be themselves and speak for themselves?
my parents have raised a monster. an ugly, rotten monster that is beyond saving.
choosing a degree that i have no passion in will serve me no purpose. if anything, it's just another reminder of the miserable life that i live, trying to convince myself that it's the right choice.
why must i endure this pain for other people's happiness?
why must i suffer to make peace?
how selfish are they to continue enforcing this torture that i put on myself?
mayhaps this monster came from the expectations.
perhaps this is god punishing me for being so disgusting. so... despicable. for lying to others all this time.
should i disobey him, then? go against him for the pain he has caused me?
what am i even saying?
is this genuinely who i am?
she doesn't realize that tears are escaping her eyes until the sound of a knock on the door wakes her up out of her thoughts, putting the pen to a stop after making a point for the question mark. fuck. that's right. she invited hwaryun over to watch an anime together. how did she get so carried away with the time and her thoughts that she barely even noticed what was going on around her?
quickly, she closes the book and shoves it back in the open drawer it came from before slamming it shut. she throws the pen to the side of her desk, quickly sniffing to erase the evidence that she was tearing up, wiping at her cheeks with the back of her hands. "gimme a second!" she calls out, pulling out her phone to the camera app to look at herself from the front camera. her eyes aren't red and she looks perfectly fine. perfectly normal.
with a deep breath, she stands up from her chair and walks over to the door, greeted by the sight of the taller brunette who has a warm smile on his face. usually, when others smile at her, she forces herself to mirror it to be polite. but the look he gives to her feels as though he is smiling at not only the person he sees in front of him, but also... the person she is within. and it feels warm... to be acknowledged by such bright and warm rays.
perhaps she's being silly. maybe she's being hopeful. but either way, she's compelled to give him a genuine smile as well.
"sorry for the wait. hope i didn't keep you too long," she starts. "let me get my laptop and then we can head our way to the common room... i'll even pay for the food to make it up to you."
she’ll push it aside for now. it'll be an issue she'll deal with later.
046 — scaredy cats
a halloween starter for @wickedblxss
jiahn's not quite sure how she had ended up in this situation that she's currently in, if she's so honest right now. she's never been the best with scary things so she doesn't know why she and sooah have decided to attempt to brave the haunted house.
especially considering that sooah is also not a fan of scary things?
(are they both crazy?)
(probably to be so honest.)
just the music changing a little had all the hairs on the back of her neck standing straight up, as well as all the hairs along the backs of her arms. anywhere there was exposed skin, and there was a lot considering it was still pushing twenty degrees at the end of october, and she had worn shorts with a hoodie for this. honestly, she probably should've worn pants considering that she's feeling like someone is going to grab her ankles. (despite knowing that the scare actors wouldn't be touching them.)
"did you see—?" she lets out a shriek when there's just a whisper of a presence appearing, the sound of footsteps being heard over the creepy music playing. maybe all her senses were on high alert because she was so ready to be jumpscared? "oh my god."
realistically, she knew it was a bad idea to even go to a haunted house. sooha herself has never been one for anything related to horror. growing up in the little community she grew up, even celebrating halloween was frowned upon.
but... she told herself it's always good to try new things! even if she doesn't want to do them! so, with a lot of courage, she decided to persuade jiahn into coming into the haunted house with her...
granted, maybe it's not a good idea considering the two of them were scaredy cats.
hopefully this doesn't make jiahn rip up her satosugu commission.
she tried her best to keep her calm, offering to go first into the house so that she could look brave and protect her lovely unnie. but she cannot lie. the moment she entered the house and began walking into the darkness with creepy music and a laughing soundtrack playing... she knew it was internally over for her.
"jiahn-unnie-ssi, i-it's okay! we're gonna be okay!" she says as a way to reassure the other with a forced, nervous laugh. "we're gonna go through this house! and i'll protect you— AH!" she yelps as soon as she turns the corner to see... a skeleton robot waving at her.
"oh! haha! that was just a small thing!" she says with more nervous laughter. "haha! okay! let's go deeper!"
changing majors isn’t something hwaryun often pondered about, considering how dead set he’s been on pursuing medicine since he was in middle school. he had thoughts of being a policeman, a firefighter—but ultimately, especially when reminded of his late mother’s condition, he decided to become a doctor. he’s never thought about anything else.
there were times when he’s tired, though. he’s only in his second year, but oftentimes the textbooks after textbooks, notes after notes… it’s so tiring. hwaryun’s already learnt how to drink americano by now to keep himself going, he wasn’t always the biggest fan of it. being stuck studying sure sucks, doesn’t it? so he pushes himself to participate in other activities: student government, clubs, hanging out with his friends… to let a little light into his life, and to remember how grateful he is, to have all these opportunities by his side.
“you can be great at everything, but at the end of the day… if what you are pursuing isn’t your happiness, isn’t it normal to push for that?” hwaryun scrolls through the previous chapters of sooha’s fanfiction on his phone. “i don’t really think it’s unnecessary y’know. if anything, he could be like… ‘haha i’m going to change my major and ace it~’, having confidence that he could easily adapt to another major — that sorta vibe?”
when it comes to sooha, hwaryun makes sure to place his phone aside as he listens to her, nodding every now and then when she speaks.
so it was related to sooha’s own worries, his hunch was right.
“by ‘everyone’… do you mean your family?” he asks. it’s usually a problem shared by a lot of students, perhaps forced to pursue something they did not truly have the heart to chase because of their parents. it wouldn’t be a surprise if it was true for the girl. “i don’t really believe in ‘it’s too late to change’,” hwaryun shakes his head. “you have a longer life up ahead of you. so in that way, you’re actually just starting something for your future. it’s kinda cruel how the education system forces young people like us to decide our careers when we haven’t lived enough to know what’s the best for ourselves.”
his eyebrows furrows lightly, seemingly distraught. “it’s what you like, sooha. and of course, it’s gonna get the people around you impressed—but is it something you love? something you see yourself doing until you’re old? something you won’t regret?”
it takes her a while to realize all of what came out of her mouth, specifically with how they came out. she told him way too much info than what he needed to know. an inconvenience to everyone... too late to change majors now... maybe if she had worded it another way, he wouldn't have asked about it. the moment she saw him put his phone to the side and turn his full attention on her, she knew that said the wrong thing.
was she getting too comfortable? usually, her filter for what she says about her major would not show any sort of doubt in it at all. did she say anything off? she most likely did, didn't she? that's why he looked so worried about her. as though he pitied her.
perhaps this is her fault for getting too comfortable. she should've figured that her personality was beginning to change around him. she couldn't exactly pretend anymore around him. not to mention, she assumed he wouldn't really let this off anyways. jeong hwaryun was one of the most genuine and friendliest person she's met. his actions and personality explain how kind he is and how he has a good heart. he was compassionate and most definitely very loyal... like a golden retriever.
she laughs slightly. "wow. you sound... very wise. that's the president talking," she attempts to joke before she only sighs. "and... it's not like i'm doing it entirely for my family. i'm doing it for myself too! i promise!"
she's about to say something else when she hesitates, really sitting with the question he asked her. is it something you love? something you won't regret? when those questions come into her head, specific images and thoughts come up in her mind. for the longest time, she's told everyone about her ideal future: how she would be a good catholic growing up, study in theology, and then graduate to then later become a nun. when she was telling people that specific ideal future, she always saw smiles, nods of approval.
but now that he brought up that question, she stops to think about the moments where she felt the most... joy. besides... boy kissing, there were moments where she'd stay up later at night so that she could stay on call with friends she met online who have read her fanfiction or who met her through her own tweets... the comments on her stories, telling her how they loved her writing and how she wrote the characters in her fanfiction....
the joy of a community and the overwhelming inspiration that she has to put down on a document quickly before it leaves her head... experiencing such joy isn't possible with the path she's on... is it?
she quickly realizes she was spiraling into her thoughts when she feels the warmth of one tear rolling down her cheek. fuck... is she crying right now? she knew she was the type to get emotional easily, but she thought that she was able to hide such frustrations down within her. not only that, but there was a guest in front of her, watching her face as she finds herself getting emotional. "ah! sorry. i guess my heart is feeling a little sensitive today," she forces out another small laugh before wiping that away. thankfully, she didn't feel as though her eyes were going to flood and pour out.
still, those words he said... they needed to be addressed. after all, she couldn't exactly deny them anymore.
"well... sometimes, you have to make sacrifices for the best future possible, right?" she says with a bright smile. "sure, the future i want for myself has some flaws. and sure, there are plenty of other paths i can explore. but... i've already come so far, so it feels like a waste to give it up now, no?" the smile slightly falters. "i have a lot of people counting on me. i don't exactly want their support to be wasted."
hi everyone <3 happy spooky event YAYAY! this is a plot call for sooha because i will always have overflowing muse for her. this is a post just going over things that she will doing for the event! i'll make a dj post soon as well and that'll come up shortly! pls like this post if you'd like to plot and i'll find my way to your dms or on discord (if i have u added!)
friday:
IN HER CUTE LIL COSTUME <3 if u talk to her about wuthering waves she will be apologetic and honest and say she doesn't know ... much about the game TwT but if you wanna tell her about it, u may be able to convince her to play it mention any hot men she can ship with a pretty man and she'll be sold
additionally if ur cosplaying any hot fictional men she'll compliment u!!! but normally... she won't fujo out or anything.
maybe u go trick or treating with her? or since she's in three clubs, you'll see her handing out candy! she'll probably be handing out candy for bravehearts ngl bc shes the only member
THE PARTYYY AT THE NIGHT CLUB! she's not a party person at ALL and this will be like her first ever college party. tbh she doesn't REALLY wanna be there but she feels like she's required to bc she's in student body T_T
maybe she sees that ur taking too many shots and before u are able to get one more and ultimately make her stressed out and worried, she takes the shot from u . and then she realizes it's good. so then she takes another one.
sooha's polite and sweet catholic girl exterior SLIGHTLY melts so while she's not talking about her gay men and how she fantasizes them boning each other, she WILL be hootin and hollerin in general . you go from hearing her gentle giggle to hearing her LAUGH SO HARD SHE SNORTS??? GIRL 😭
she'll sober up eventually but maybe you won't. and she realizes she's gotta take care of your drunk ass . who knows where that'll go.
she may or may not be convinced to go to the student thrown party.... who knows...
saturday
won't be in costume on this day and sunday but she'll probably wear a little witch hat! u and her can walk around at the art building to see all the cool pumpkins the students made
the haunted house would be so funny bc she's a scaredy cat you'll probably hear her just screaming and be all awkward like "oh!!! haha! hello!!!" at a scare actor who jumped out from the corner. but you will get her screaming and jumping a lot.
sunday:
let's go to the bake sale and autumn market!!! what cool trinkets will they have !!! SO MUCH TO EXPLORE
while she's planning to crash and go home atp, u can also convince her to watch coraline. she's never watched it!!! so it'd be fun!!! maybe she'll think about her aus as she watches it.
these are just a few ideas and lowk i think i added so much LOL, so brainstorming is also always an option <3 so excited to be in my first event w the rp YAYAYAYY
"held aloft by the rapids, i saw a golden glow... your wisdom and grace have become gospel which i shall forever hold dear."
CHO SOOHA as... PHOEBE MARINO from WUTHERING WAVES!
...mentioning @lovehighways (nara) and @prodbyzinnia
if she had to be honest, she was honestly... stuck with what to dress up as for halloween. she didn't exactly want to be not creative. as much as cho sooha is trying to hide her alter ego, she didn't want everyone to think that the girl was incapable of putting in effort... even if it's for silly things like this.
the blonde hair was not apart of the costume thing—wouldn't it be funny if she went through all that effort and money to get her hair bleached just for a costume? besides joining the anime club, sooha wanted to take baby steps in branching out and getting out of her comfort zone! and perhaps she was inspired by all the fanart she saw of gojo and nanami, but something in her... wanted to go from black to something a lot lighter.
she made sure to thank nara a bajillion times for accompanying her to the salon and waiting for her because... going from virgin black to this color... holy god. she'll thank her for the suggestions on getting olaplex, purple shampoo, and coconut oil, too.
with her new hair, she quickly went on her social media for her fandoms to look at cute anime girls with bangs and blonde hair and that's when she remembered... HER. sooha herself isn't the biggest fan of wuthering waves—she was more of a casual player (there was a lack of yaoi in there, as much as she thought brant was handsome). but she remembered reading somewhere that the girl was a religious disciple of their god in the universe...
it was perfect! a religious blonde anime girl! plus she really did look like sooha.
she quickly went to the one person in anime club that knew a good thing or two about cosplay... SHIN JIAHN. she's seen the girl pop up in events for the anime club in cosplay, hearing stories about the girl working her hardest on styling wigs, printing props, hot-gluing pieces onto a hoyo cosplay... etc. so she quickly asked her on where she could be able to get good, affordable cosplays from video games...
with the idea in mind, all she needed was to get the fit together. she didn't exactly want to "closet cosplay" it. she could take a picture of her costume so that she could get her moots to say something nice about her costu—cosplay? YEAH! plus, if she has fun in this fit, she might even be able to enjoy cosplaying other characters! MAYBE SHE CAN COSPLAY A FEMME NANAMI OR A FEMME GOJO
and now, she was standing in front of her full-body mirror, looking over at her outfit.
she's not sure if the waist ornament will stay, so she made sure to come prepared with safety pins. her hat might fly off, so she had to make sure she brought bobby pins to set it down on her natural hair she can only imagine how much more difficult it'd be for someone with an actual wig. as she stared at herself, she couldn't help but feel as though she's looking at a completely different person... she already had to adjust to looking at herself in the mirror with a lighter shade of hair than what she's had in her last twenty two years of living, but now she's wearing such a fancy outfit! much more fancier than the things she'd even wear to mass!
but she takes a picture on her phone, taking off one glove so she can actually press the buttons on her screen. When she looks back at her gallery, she smiles at the sight she sees in front of her. she was... cute! she was very very pretty!
getting out of her comfot zone... isn't as scary anymore.
contrary to popular belief, hyunwoo doesn’t live under a rock. he knows enough people to know a thing or two about interests outside his own. he tilts his head as he tries to remember the word someone had used to describe this before — fujo… fujo-ing out? whatever that meant. he’d come across it a few months ago at a party when his two male friends were made to kiss during a game of spin the bottle, and a few girls were screaming. “they’re fujoing out!” his friend had said.
so when he’d noticed sooha’s reaction to his kiss with sungha, something in his brain told him that she was… fujoing out. though to be fair, it wasn’t so much so as a kiss, and more so hyunwoo practically eating sungha’s face in an attempt to make him his. but that’s neither here nor there.
if it weren’t for sooha’s piercing loud scream, hyunwoo would’ve perhaps been too engrossed in this notebook. in the absolute filth it’s filled with. he raises his eyes away from the notebook and they land on sooha.
sweet, small, sooha.
how could such a small person have so much filth in their head? “oh! this is yours?” he laughs — he doesn’t even have to force her to admit it. sooha, poor sooha, it’s entertaining. “sure. sorry, i almost mistook it for mine,” he closes the notebook and makes a show to pass it back to sooha, before pulling away and lifting it up with his hands, so that she can’t reach it. “especially because i kept seeing my name inside.”
he turns to a page, and continues reading. this time, aloud. “passionate kiss… hyunwoo topping… sungha…” he reads, before shaking his head. “sooha…” he begins, as though about to nag at her. “i’m going to get jealous, you mentioned sungha too many times. i don’t like it when someone else pays such close attention to him, you know? i can be a little possessive.”
really, all of this was an accident. and it most definitely could've been prevented. and usually, cho sooha is one to be careful! maybe she had too much faith in her fellow peers to think that no one would go through snooping through her stuff. as far as she knew, her mother and father never did it. the kids who she grew up with knew better than to do that. hell, even the people closest to her on campus wouldn't go through her stuff!
maybe she's naive for thinking that there are good people in the world.
then again, maybe it was a mistake. sooha wasn't personally close to hyunwoo. with him being an upperclassman, she was most certainly intimidated by him though to be fair, she's intimidated by everyone in student council, save for hwaryun. there was certainly no way he had any malicious intent! with the way he quickly apologized for taking the notebook and then was handing it back to her for her to grab, the feeling of relief is about to overcome her as she concludes that she may just be overreactin—
her face drops when he lifted the book way above her reach. okay. it's confirmed he's an asshole, now. god, she had to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt.
pathetically, she continues to try and reach for it, mentally cursing at herself for being against the tallest member in the organization. as she goes on her toes to try and reach for it in the more calmer way, the words that leave his mouth leave her utterly... embarrassed. humiliated. hearing him say her own dirty writing loudly even if it was one of the more tamer sentences in her notes made her feel... rotten. and she was sputtering, trying to come up with an excuse to say as she continued to pathetically reach—
JEALOUSY?! POSSESSIVENESS? OVER AHN SUNGHA?!?!?!!?? WHAT THE HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS KISSING JUDAS FUCK?!?!?!?
she doesn't realize that there's a weird smile that crept on her face upon hearing that... until she realizes she stopped reaching for the notebook. she gasps, quickly shaking her head. "N-NO! NO! I WASN'T PAYING CLOSE ATTENTION TO HIM AT ALL! I SWEAR! I'D NEVER GET IN BETWEEN YOU TWO!!!" she quickly stammers as though to reassure him.... before slapping a hand over her mouth.
groaning as he scratches his head and holds the pencil in his mouth, yichen nearly slams the book he's studying out of shut. thankfully, he was alone in the study room and he'd lost track of time. most of it was spent drifted away in distant daydreams though, he wasn't that productive all the time.
while he liked literature, sometimes he wishes he doesn't have to study it. the basketball player removes the pencil from his mouth and taps it along the desk a long moment. it was still early enough in the night to find a party to attend. maybe he could find a few willing candidates to tag along in the library.
it's then he places his forehead on the desk momentarily and shuts his eyes to ponder his options: get more sleep or have more fun?
exiting the studying room, he's trying to make a steady pace for the exit and is passing by bookcase after bookcase. until he randomly glances over and sees one of his favorite people on campus standing right there, just all alone.
silently, yichen drops his bag to the floor and gradually paces up behind the woman in question. "boo," he announces his presence. "sooooooha." yichen lets her name drawl off his lips longer than necessary, intentionally. it's almost stated playfully yet he's hoping to rile her up all the same, knows how much she tries to avoid him.
"whatcha reading?" he questions, peeking over at the book in question while deliberately remaining in her personal bubble.
cho sooha tried her best to not get into trouble. from when she was a child up until this moment, she tried her best to keep her record pristine and flawless. sure, at some point, it ended up just being a show that she puts on for everyone...
but that didn't matter! what did matter was the fact that she was going to make sure that besides... specific hobbies... she was going to remain the sweet, good-mannered cho sooha that everyone knows her as. the attentive second year representative in the student body. the the sweet, christian girl from gwangju. the angel who worked diligently and always did her best...
she was keeping that in mind when looking through a book for one of her classes when she hears... him. none other than her (one-sided) worst nightmare... lim yichen.
she's no idiot. even if he didn't make an impression of himself from the second year reports she's made in the past, she would be able to tell from a mile away that he was bad news. he was someone that could in the way of her clean record! he was, in a way, the demons that the bible told her to avoid. he didn't even need to be a snake tempting her to eat an apple—she knows he's bad news.
and if she didn't already have her own guilty pleasure that was going to send her straight to hell, she wasn't going to add more weight onto that crime by being remotely involved with him.
she flinches from the surprise appearance, but tries her best to not even look at him. she inhales through her nostrils, trying her best to not at all even acknowledge him. when she feels his eyes peering over her shoulders, she closes her eyes, as though sending a quick prayer to god to get her out of this situation... before, like a fool, replying...
"it's a book for a class. that's all," she says in a slightly curt way. "i don't think it will be of any interest to you."
a year ago if anyone told hwaryun he started reading fanfiction, he would believe it. but boys love fanfiction? it’s not that he’s unfamiliar with it, it’s just… a surprise. it also further cements his thoughts of: wow, boys can like boys after all? and i’m a boy… huh. he doesn’t thinks further than that, though. he’s never been one to think about his own romances.
maybe he did a little, when he watched round 6 of alien stage. but ever the usual, hwaryun shakes it off his head. the storytelling was just that good that it erupted some strange feelings from his chest!
what started out as hwaryun simply wanting to extend some help towards his friend, to curb sooha’s apparent addiction to the world of boys love—he’s now here, sitting with her, listening to satosugu fanfiction in her dorm. like what the hell, sure. though of course, he’s aware enough to not get too close, giving her some personal space while listening to this university alternate universe of the pairing.
otherwise it’s interesting, really! hwaryun is invested. he’s drinking his cold roasted barley tea while nodding every once in a while, making sure he doesn’t misses a beat of it. seeing smiles on his friends’ faces would make him smile too. he’s a simple person who’s easily satisfied by the happiness of the people around him.
when the chapter comes to an end inevitably, the first thing he does is to of course, praise his friend with a thumbs up! “so i’m left on a cliffhanger now? sheesh, now i’ll have to wait?” a lighthearted laugh comes after before he starts to think deeply about her words. it doesn’t slips past him when sooha mentions about potentially projecting her university problems on satoru.
he’s had a slight feeling about that ever since they’ve gotten closer; religious studies and yaoi, he’s no devoted christian but he does has braincells to connect them ( he’s underestimating himself, really ). though hwaryun’s never dared to ask. he wanted sooha to feel comfortable enough to bring it up to him if she wanted to.
“what’s cheesy about wanting to chase your dreams, sooha?” the boy tells her with a clear and gentle voice. “if it’s not too late to chase them, then i’d say changing your majors to pursue something you love is always worth it.” and he stops here, waiting to see what would sooha say to that.
the whole situation itself is a bit peculiar, sure. but in her defense, she didn't really expect hwaryun to go along with it. within the first few weeks, he was open to helping her figure out how she could put an end to her yaoi addiction. but along the way up until this exact moment, it was less about helping her with being somewhat normal... and somehow him just sort of being there watching her become a fan? it does feel nice to have someone else on campus to relax around, considering she feels like she has to put up a front to everyone around her. but it makes her wonder...
is this operation really going anywhere now? or is he just hanging out with her?? ... maybe she should ask this whenever she remembers to, because it is quite confusing.
she couldn't help but smile slightly at his comment about the cliffhanger. really, she doesn't think it's that much. this fic compard to her others in the past seems more... tame in terms of plot. granted, she's tried her best to avoid going into some of them because some of them were a little too explicit and she only read... one that was slightly angsty. even then, it does feel... nice to have someone actually interested in her hobbies, men kissing aside.
the smile slightly falters when he asks her the question. chasing your dreams... changing your majors... something you love. if she has to be honest, she's been thinking a lot about her future at yunhwa more recently. with the call she got from her mom about her dad working harder because of her to the same nightmares that she's had for a couple of years when the interest in BL continued to persist...
rather, it's not cheesy for her. it's more... complicated.
she shakes her head. "i mean, it's cheesy for gojo. because i feel like he's so good at everything and comes off super confident that creating this small problem would be kinda unnecessary. plus... i think i'm like. the polar opposite of him. in a way that...."
she hesitates, wondering if the words she's about to say even need to be said. it's not like hwaryun wants to listen about her whole dilemma right now—if there even is one. maybe she's just making this all up in her head. maybe she does have her life figured out. maybe she can tough it out through this... could she?
she lets out a sigh. "it's... weird. but either way, it's too late to change majors now. it'd just be a whole inconvenience to everyone," she forces out a laugh. "i mean, i like my major. i like learning about religions around the world and about the afterlife in different cultures. i feel like people will really be impressed with the knowledge i'm getting from this degree and all. my parents are already super proud of me for even getting here for my faith..."
she trails off, knowing that there's a "but" that wants to escape her lips. but she won't give such selfish desires that power.
sera wonders how long it will take for her to actually know where she’s going. she’d managed to find her class that morning, and was only five minutes late, having arrived at the wrong building initially. she’d even managed to find the cafeteria for lunch, though that had been less challenging — it’d been as simple as following the crowd of hungry-looking students.
now, however? she’s embarrassed to even admit it to herself, but she’s gotten so turned around that she can’t remember which way her dorm is. which she probably should know by now, having spent a week here already, but hey— it’s not her fault there’s too many buildings! she might be a city girl, but she’s not used to attending a campus that’s anywhere near this huge.
her steps are aimlessly going in circles around the plaza at this point, a sour expression on her face as she’s about to admit defeat and ask for directions, however embarrassing that might be. before she gets the chance to look for someone who might know (like a senior. god, they probably know so much by now. or even better, a grad student), sera hears a voice coming from behind, causing her to whirl around in surprise.
“oh. hi!” her eyes slightly widen, though she’s sporting a grin as she studies the unfamiliar girl in front of her. her eyes go even wider at the girl’s compliment, and sera can barely contain her own excitement — she almost wants to jump up and down like some toddler who just got promised candy for dinner.
“oh my god, really?!” stepping forward, she envelops the girl in a hug — without stopping to think about if it’s a bit too much, to just hug a stranger like that. well, in sera’s opinion, they’re practically best friends now, because so far, no one else on campus had recognized her stickers.
(assuming the girl even recognized them, or just thought the art style was neat. she didn’t exactly specify, but sera will let herself get her hopes up.)
“thank you so much!” she exclaims as she lets the girl go, grinning widely. “so do you know ace attorney then? it’s like, my favorite thing ever. well, that and legally blonde! but phoenix and miles are definitely my favorite fictional couple.” sera doesn’t care that it’s not technically canon — to her, it is, and that’s more than enough.
truthfully, she wasn't expecting much out of this interaction. she was already getting slightly anxious over the fact that she might weird the girl out. but... when there's merch from a franchise she's familiar about, sooha has to note it somehow. back in her old home, there were rarely any people who talked about anything outside of their personal lives. the few friends she had that liked anime... only liked it casually.
she's surprised she even had the guts to say anything to this girl. but at the same time, she needs to become more social, right? that way, she can get friends from this university and familiarize herself with all aspects of life. that's the thing about seoul— there's more people there. that meant more perspectives and more voices.
when the girl turns behind and greets sooha with wide eyes and a smile that only gets brighter after registering what she said, sooha feels a sort of ease. good! this girl clearly received the compliment well! it feels good to know that she's made another person feel good.... but then the girl wraps her arms around her and gives her a hug.
that, sooha wasn't expecting.
she's frozen in place, though not in a scared way. moreso in an awkward way because she's never really been in this situation before. it's not bad by all means! sooha was just surprised to have met someone so... affectionate? passionate? whatever you call it? she's about to hug the girl back even if it was going to come off stiff to thank her, but then the girl pulls back and begins to go on. and that's when she realizes that... yes. yes. this is the interaction that sooha has longed for.
AN INTERACTION ABOUT LOVING MEDIA. AND YAOI.
she smiles as she listens to the girl and she nods her head, while also waving her hand to indicate a "so-so" reply. "i know about it a little. my mutuals online really like the game and wrote a couple fics about it. i haven't played the game myself, but i really like the dynamic the two of them have... at least from what i've read. i think phoenix is really funny but miles is very cute." she answers. she then tilts her head. "out of curiosity... are you a law student? because ace attorney and legally blonde... there's a common pattern between the two."
she wished she could've majored in something related to satosugu... though there's not really a major in expelling curses.
freeing herself from her schoolwork has always been a challenge for hayun. she easily becomes engrossed in the power of learning and knowledge. it isn't until she notices her clock reads 01:17 in the morning that she finally takes a heavy sigh and wheels her chair backwards from her desk. pondering it over, she spins slightly in said chair, wondering who else could have been awake at this hour and in need of a break as much as she was.
then, it dawns on her to message sooha. she tells the other student to meet her at their usual spot in the park -- it was hayun's favorite after all. the city polution didn't block out the stars as much from the small vantage point she'd found months prior. after her phone chirps with a response, the coding lover smiles warmly to herself.
lucky for her, her roommate is still absent. leaving at this hour and returning later on won't be much of a problem for the brunette.
[ ✉ - sooha ] i'm so glad you're still awake!
[ ✉ - sooha ] see you shortly 😉
she digs in the closet momentarily for the usual blanket and cinch bag she carries along. folding the blanket neatly, hayun goes to her desk drawer and pulls it open to find what remains of her snack stash. pulling out some strawberry pocky and some turtle chips, she figures that's enough for the pair to split. whipping around in her dorm towards the mini fridge, she then withdraws two ramune sodas -- one for herself and one for sooha. placing the items into the bag, she pulls it shut tightly and slings it on her back.
without another moment to spare, the choi twin escapes the dorm room with ease and is rapidly on her way to meet her friend.
the night breeze hits her skin as soon as she exits the dorm building, praising herself in her head for thinking to wear a hoodie just because she wanted to feel comfortable. was she getting a bit excited over this activity? she wouldn't say so. internally in her head, she knows it's wrong to procrastinate and postpone her work even more than she has to. but in her defense, she needed this break. her brain was basically about to run on negative energy if she kept it up.
her feet know their way to the specific spot on the campus park, feeling a bit secure knowing that she had brought her keys and various safety keychains on her as advised by her father. when she approaches the spot, she's slightly surprised to see that she's the first one there. she figured that she would've seen hayun first, given the fact that she was the one who sent the invitation. was she too excited or...?
she unlocks her phone to send the other a message.
[✉️ → hayunnie-ssi] i'm here!!! i think i came earlier because my body really craved that break HAHA
[✉️ → hayunnie-ssi] do take your time, though! ;w;
she stuffs her phone back in her pocket, not yet taking her spot on the grass as she wants to stand a little longer her legs needed it. she inhales through her nostrils, letting out a sigh to take in the fact that she finally gets to relax. seriously... whether it be staring at the screen or staring at the words in her textbook, she knew that if she stared at it any longer, she'd feel her brain melt.
what troubles lie in your heart?
reading to and analyzing with @knightguilt
"'the two stare, feeling a deeper sense of understanding each other than they did before,'" she reads carefully. "'for most of his time here, satoru was certain he had an idea of who suguru was. but knowing that the other student also had his reservations that he was keeping under the surface, it makes him wonder if there are more secrets that he wants to uncover. perhaps he, himself, is more interested in suguru's heart than his body.'"
sooha is used to reading aloud, but it wasn't really of... her writing. she supposes it's because she's more accustomed to reciting scriptures written by the prophets and apostles. even in her writing workshop classes, she found herself stuttering out of fear of judgment from her peers before they gave her their feedback. so to be reading her own fanfiction aloud... to the student body president, even, was a situation she would've never imagined herself in.
but the situation is a bit more complicated than that. one may think that she's absolutely intimidated by hwaryun, given his popularity and also his role as... her leader, essentially. and of course, she was a bit intimidated at first, even if he was very kind. but given his responsible record and also generous heart, she came to him with a favor of helping her get rid of her addiction to yaoi. and it was working, at first... but there was a shift somewhere that made her wonder if he was genuinely trying to help her get rid of it, or if she was just wasting his time without him complaining.
maybe it was when they were bingewatching alien stage in the 6th floor common area and he was crying his eyes out. who knows?
so, she is a bit alarmed over the fact that she's reading her uni au satosugu fic (not an explicit chapter, mind you! she has decency!) to him in her dorm. the concept of a boy in her dorm is already crazy enough, but reading fanfiction to anyone in her dorm was crazier. nonetheless, she doesn't want to do her worst when it comes to her favorite pairing. and so...
she closes her laptop, lets out a relieved sigh for being able to get through it, and looks down at him from her bed. "thoughts? prayers?" she asks. "to be honest, i don't know if i want to keep it at the fact that satoru is thinking of changing his major because of his conflicting thoughts with people expecting something from him. i feel like it'd be too... cheesy?" she scrunches her face as she says that. "i don't know. maybe i was just giving him the problem i'm facing so that i could actually finish the chapter instead of being more creative and thinking of something else."
october prompt; fears
trigger warning: religious trauma (i'm sorry unfortunately her religious guilt is just apart of who she is now)
wc: 2.5k+
with the holidays that happen during the school year, sooha always takes those opportunities to visit gwangju. while she does miss her home, a part of her does feel... conflicted over whether or not she should be there. with her being back at home, she internally tells herself that she has to keep in mind that NO ONE here knows about her secrets. she needed to take moments to calm her brain down if she found herself getting too excited. she's already humiliated enough as it is over the entire student body knowing she's a freak, but in this religious part of jeolla-do? oh she'd die.
she arrives at the front of the house, taking a big inhale through her nose and exhaling through her mouth before she presses on the doorbell next to it. after the muffled sound from inside her house, she watches as the door opens to reveal her shorter mother, who looks up at her with a big grin on her face.
"oh, soohaaa~!" her mother calls out to her, her dialect sounding as thick as ever before she pulls her daughter into a hug. "i haven't seen you in so long! i didn't think you'd be coming so early!"
sooha smiles and hugs her mother warmly. "i was really surprised. the traffic was not too bad on the way here," she answers with a grin, following behind her mother when she goes deeper into their home. she makes sure to close the door from behind her, and when she turns around, her heart is filled with nostalgia. she remembers coming home to this after every sunday mass in the morning or how she'd come in, exhausted from the tiring school day, before shouting out to either her mother or father that she was home.
but mixed in with this feeling of joy and fondness... is an uncomfortable underlying feeling. has she felt it before? she was not sure. but there was an inkling of a feeling that she couldn't exactly get rid of, and she wonders why.
she walks to the living room where her mother is sat with her, a bowl of grapes on the coffee table in front of her. her mother looks up at her and motions to the couch, urging her daughter to take the seat so that they can begin their conversation while munching on the fruit.
after sooha takes a seat, she looks up at her mother with a warm smile. "how's your day so far, eomma?" she asks her, tilting her head to the side. with how frequently the two call each other, she's already aware of what's going on in both of her parents' day-to-day life. there was no need to catch up with her on that.
"it's actually been well! i was able to go on a jog with your father this morning before he went off to work," she replies. as sooha reaches over for a grape, the woman says something that stops her from eating it once she's relaxed. "the two of us? we were actually talking about you."
sooha raises her eyebrows, and she lets out a small laugh. "oh? you guys were talking about me?" she smiles. "what about?"
"how unfortunate we were to have had a heretic in our lives."
if the fallen smile and icy glare weren't enough to startle her, the drop in her mother's kind and welcoming tone as she said such puzzling words would've. a heretic? unfortunate? was she hearing those words right? she was so used to hearing her mother and father spread praises about her growing up. she shaped herself specifically so that she heard nothing from them BUT praises.
she lets out a forced laugh and tilts her head to the side. "could you say that again? i didn't catch that?"
"you are a sinner, sooha," her mother says, sternly this time. "don't act like you are so innocent. to go behind our backs and indulge in adultery for ELEVEN YEARS?! and to lie about it all this time?" she brings her hands up to cover her face, crying in them. "our daughter has sided with the devil! she's become a demon, and she's going to burn in the fires of hell!"
sooha feels as though her stomach has dropped to her stomach, seeing the sight of her mother looking grief-stricken over the loss of her daughter's innocence. she's about to reach out to her to offer comfort... when she notices that the stem of grapes in her hand is beginning to rot. the sour smell begins to fill her nostrils, and she throws the stem back into the bowl, terrified by the sudden change.
the girl sits up and walks around the table to try and get closer to her mother. "eo-eomma... what did you see?" she asks her. "how did you know that i– please, let me explain!" she touches her mother's wrist slightly, only to have the other yank her hand off violently as though her own daughter had burned her.
"don't touch me!" she screams. "i refuse to be brought down with you! i refuse to be punished for your own rotten soul!" she watches as her mother looks at her with an unrecognizable expression in her eyes. anger... disgust... hatred? was that the word? such a look from her mother feels as though a thousand knives have struck her.
"eomma," her voice quivers. "p-please! i'm sorry!"
"who else did you bring down with you? have you plagued anyone else at your school?" the mother begins to laugh maniacally. "my daughter... oh, she's a prophet of satan! she is going to bring everyone with her to hell! she will make everyone around her suffer!"
seeing her mother behave this way, she steps away from her with shock and horror. in this moment, there were not many words that could be used to describe the emotions that she was going through right now. at the same time, it feels like there were not ENOUGH words to describe her horror.
as she goes backwards, her back bumps into something firm. she looks back to see her father standing behind her, a look of disappointment on his face. "a-appa! i thought you were at work!" she gasps. that is what her mother said before, after all. was that a lie? was her mother planning for this to happen, so she asked for her father to wait upstairs so that they could have a moment alone that he could intervene in later on? it makes sooha wonder how her family even sees her in this moment. do they think she's a monster? do they think that something is wrong with her?
who is she to her family? who is she to herself?
"get away from me!" he says before pushing her to the side harshly, quick to run to his wife's side. "you are no daughter of mine! my daughter is a good girl who is honest and tells the truth. you are a stranger to me. you are NOT my daughter."
she feels as though her heart is breaking more and more as the seconds go by. she wants to go to her parents and comfort them, assuring them that she will do anything to get the sin taken out of her and that she is worth saving. she can still go to heaven! she was only going through a challenge that the devil threw in her way! she can get rid of this evil desire of hers. she was willing to do anything to get their love back... to get god's love back.
she turns around to go back out the door she came in, hoping to run away from her parents, knowing she is not loved anymore. but when she reaches the front door, her hand prepared to twist on the knob, she quickly pulls away when she feels a quick prickling sensation on her skin from the metal. questioning it, she looks outside to see a field of flames, her skin heating up as though a reaction from being too close to it.
she turns back to try and warn her family, but when she makes it to the living room, she notices that the couple has disappeared. where could they have gone? how were they able to get out of the house so quickly when just a second before, both of them were holding each other right in front of her? did they hate her that much that they abandoned her and left her to burn in this house? then again, didn't she deserve it for betraying them? for betraying their god?
her knees give out from the overwhelming emotions taking up her brain and heart. she looks all around her, noticing how the fire from outside was spreading more and more to the point that it began to push its way past the door and windows to get into her home. she watches as the white walls discolor into a ash black, the wallpaper folding before crumpling away. sweat began to form on her skin as the heat got closer and closer to her before, eventually, she begins to feel a prickling feeling starting from the skin of her ankles before moving upwards to her knees... then her thighs... to her waist.
is this hell? was this her punishment for giving in to sin and refusing to get out? worst of all... she has to burn and die alone?
smoke begins to make its way to her nostrils. her vision goes blurry as she feels the tears finally threaten to leave her eyes. there isn't much to do now at this point, really. her parents have left her. no one else she knew who supported her was there for her. is this a punishment for abandoning her savior? is this the consequence of giving in to temptation? to burn like a punished sinner while everyone you hold dear to your heart... leaves?
she closes her eyes as she sobs out from both the heartbreak and the pain of the burning sensation spreading across her body. the last thing she sees in her vision before darkness is the flames rising to take all of her before she becomes one with them.
—————————————————————————
sooha jolts awake from her bed, gasping from the shock of the sight she saw just before. she quickly looks around herself to assess where she is before letting out a small sigh of relief when she realizes she is in her dorm. her roommate(s) were fast asleep, thank god... but based on the fact that there was no sunshine peeking into the room just yet, she concludes that she is up much earlier than expected.
truth be told, the scene she watched behind closed eyelids was a scene she was all too familiar with. how long has it been since she's dreamed of it? burning in hell once her family realizes how she has been lying to them all these years? she can't quite remember. they certainly didn't appear when she first got into yaoi... but it's not like she got them after she got into yunhwa, either.
even if she has witnessed it before, the sight of it still does shake her to the very bone. she takes a deep breath before going down the ladder of her bunk bed to go to her desk, pulling out the first drawer to find a plastic, clear box that had a light blue and white patterned rosary in it. with the rosary box in hand, she grabs her lanyard with her school id and her car keys attached to it and walks out of the dorm room to head to the closest common room on this floor.
she's followed a specific ritual when she experiences this nightmare, mainly because she sees the dream as more of a vision than just a manifestation of her fears. there is a reason why her subconscious gave her this nightmare, after all. it's the guilt that follows in her day-to-day life; how she feels like a traitor to jesus christ and not truly appreciating the sacrifice he has made for her and others. this is her punishment for taking his sacrifice for granted. so what else is there to do besides... begging for forgiveness?
approaching the door, she places her lanyard on top of the card scanner, turning the knob quickly as soon as she hears the door unlock. when she pulls the door open and enters the common room, her feet find their way to the couch in front of the tv, and she sits down. placing the rosary case down on the coffee table, she opens it to grab the string of beads. after one more deep breath, she raises her right hand to touch her forehead, then her chest, and then her left shoulder and right shoulder before placing her hands together, the first blue bead in between her right index and thumb.
"i believe in god, the father almighty creator of heaven and earth," she begins. as she cotninues to recite the prayer, trying her best to focus solely on the words, a part of her wonders what day of the week it is... she knows it's 2 am, so it's early in the morning. was it a tuesday? if it's a tuesday, that means she had to recite the sorrowful mysteries, right? the sorrowful mysteries... that's "agony at the garden" until "the crucifixion". how ironic that she has to recite the mysteries that will make her feel the most guilt.
"our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name," she continues to pray. "thy kingdom come, thy will be done. on earth, as it is in heaven."
it's a prayer she knows by heart; a prayer that, if she wasn't expected to do the rosary every day, she'd at least say this prayer every sunday with other people at church. though she tries her best to focus on the prayers she'll have to recite she can't help but wonder... would god even want her to be at church at this point? there have been many times in the past when the girl has considered skipping services because of the underlying guilt she felt for sinning. she's debated on skipping out on some confirmation classes... times she'd call out sick so she wouldn't have to perform her altar service duties. now that she was all the way in korea, free to act by her own accord, wouldn't it make sense to hurt god less by seeing him less frequently every week?
but at the same time... would that be fair to him? either of them?
she closes her eyes tighter as she holds the rosary to her chest, finishing up the our father before moving onto the first of three hail marys before it becomes the first of fifty. doing the rosary alone is... quite the process. but she'd rather do it as often as she could to prevent a nightmare like that from happening again.
or, to put it more bluntly, to be saved sooner so she can be able to reclaim her spot in heaven once again.
hyunwoo would’ve been a fool not to notice it — it wasn’t as though sooha was particularly good at hiding either. initially, he’d thought he’d been seeing things, long hair, small figure by the door, one that quickly hid away when he’d glanced over.
in truth, hyunwoo didn’t exactly plan to think about it much; if someone had caught him basically making out with sungha in the student council meeting room then so be it, he wasn’t going to stop, and if anything he’d just remind himself to be a little more vigilant when it came to locking the doors. still, the way sooha glanced at him afterwards, how she’d react when he got particularly close to sungha (usually on purpose, he enjoyed seeing her reactions), gave hyunwoo a little bit of a hint as to who exactly caught him that fateful evening.
his suspicions are confirmed when he finds sooha’s notebook. hyunwoo’s never cared much about privacy, and while he wouldn’t have typically done this, something about sooha’s notebook just lying there for the reading… has hyunwoo picking it up, and turning to a random page.
he leans against the wall, reading it unabashedly, as though uncaring if sooha were to walk in and catch him basically invading her privacy. there isn’t much to be said about what she’s scribbled down in this notebook of hers until — oh. oh hey, that’s hyunwoo’s name. that’s hyunwoo’s name and sungha’s.
that’s.
he tilts his head and furrows his brows, leaning in closer to the notebook. “holy shit,” he says out loud. “no fucking way…?” despite the obscenity leaving his lips though, his tone is amused, flipping through the pages with widened eyes and a smile.
it's a mistake. this entire situation that she got herself into was a mistake.
she can say that about a lot of things, and somehow it'll always root to yaoi. when she came across junjo romantica as a twelve year old? that was a mistake that shifted the gears into her brain. it was a mistake to originally watch jujutsu kaisen casually, only to get addicted to gojo satoru and geto suguru. it was a mistake getting into genshin and it was a mistake getting omniscient reader's viewpoint... everything she's done feels like unfortunate accidents that somehow become a part of her life.
so when she accidentally spots the ahn sungha and the choi hyunwoo locking lips and tenderly touching each other in the student council room... and she runs away as soon as hyunwoo looks back at the creak of the open door, making sure to wipe off the drool off her face from that.
she's tried her best to avoid eye contact with either of them during meetings, only stealing glances at them whenever they weren't looking in her direction. she'd watch as they communicated with each other, every so often sharing smiles with one another as she mentally wrote down the descriptions of what they were doing and whatever could be going on in their heads. granted, there'd be times she'd scribble it somewhere as well, trying to look like she was intently taking notes on the meeting when she was actually saving a reference for when she would write about satosugu later. quite literally, after that incident, she's been writing down all sorts of things to make sure that she would get her creative juices flowing somewhere and that she'd have record of it.
realistically, she should've brought all of her belongings with her in the bathroom, given the filth that she put in there. but she figured that with her image as the sweet and responsible catholic girl, no one be interested to see what she wrote down in there... until she walks into the room and sees the upperclassman himself flipping through her notebook.
she lets out a yell, quickly clearing her throat afterwards to regain composure despite the absolute terror she felt in her body right now. "h-hyunwoo sunbaenim," she forces out with a smile that shows both apologetic and HORROR. "u-uhm... that's ... my notebook you're looking through. i hope you didn't mistake it for yours..." forced, nervous laughs. "if you... don't mind just..." she puts out her hands as though offering a peace treaty. "g...giving it back to me? please?"
in the next three months, there's only two goals that come in my mind.
one is that i wish to be free of this curse laid upon me. i wish to be free of my selfish desires and temptations so that i can go to heaven and be the good and innocent ordinary girl i am made to me.
.... my other wish, if i fail at giving up yaoi by then, is to have nice subtle jujutsu kaisen merch. bonus points if it's satosugu.
stormborns
dailybridgerton
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