guide to troubled birds … sentence starters
“I feel witchcraft upon me.”
“I disembowel. It’s what I do.”
“I’m addicted to shiny things.”
“i am 100% organic gangster.”
“This jackassery will not stand!”
“I’m three ounces of whoop-ass.”
“Mother Nature wants you whacked.”
“My mating dance is mostly seizures.”
“I love you despite the warning signs.”
“I’d sell you to Satan for one corn chip.”
“I have a natural talent for being irrational.”
“I’ve been through hell and come out singing.”
“My only crime was that I was down to clown.”
“I’ve never been one to half-ass shenanigans.”
“I fancy myself a woke-ass citizen of the world.”
“A profound thinker, but I cannot stick my mental landings.”
“The risk I took was calculated but, man, am I bad at math.”
“I am looking for trouble, and if I cannot find it, I will create it.”
“He gave them the heebie-jeebies. He had nothing else to give.”
“I do not go to my happy place. I go to my high, lonesome place.”
“My emotions have three outlets: haughty silence, tears, and rage.”
“This was a topsy-turvy world of anguish, shame, and self-torment.”
“Snacking between meals is the least, but tastiest, of my problems.”
“I meditate mostly for a 15 minute break from this ongoing shitshow.”
“My modus operandi is dial up the awesome and break the knob off.”
“The drinks came. I wasn’t about to be sobered by anything like regret.”
“A financially unstable mess, but at the liquor store they call me ma’am.”
“I am often seized by the fatal American need to have a pretty good time.”
“They might have passed a very pleasant evening, had shit not gotten real.”
“I hope you’ll excuse my cheap wit, but the hour is late and it’s all I have left.”
“‘This is wonderful!! This is going to be fine! I love this’!’ I was soon to change my mind, however.”
“He had a violent, uncontrolled temper which sent him literally insane when he was annoyed, but he was good-looking.”