So I suppose I should formally introduce myself and tell you some of my history.
My name is Stacy. I’m the only child of a bad marriage, though my parents never separated. My mom was only 23 when they got married. A month shy of 25 when she had me.
My father was a verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abusive alcoholic. He never hit us, but he did a lot of damage. I clearly remember him calling me a worthless piece of shit when I was six years old.
I am quite smart and always got great grades. But if I so much as got one A-, I was called stupid and told “do better”. Doing your best and continuing to be told to do better is extremely difficult. It makes you question everything. It makes you feel inferior and insecure. I never felt good enough. I just wanted my father to say something positive. Maybe to even make him proud enough that he wouldn’t hate me. It took a very long time before I was able to get past that need.
I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and (mild) OCD as an adult. I suspect I also have BPD. It’s not easy, but meds and therapy have helped.
My experiences obviously shaped me as a person. I empathize with anyone who has felt similar.
I’m a cat mom to 3 kitties and a “stepmom” to a 12 year old girl. I put that in quotes because she’s my roommate/best friend’s daughter. I’m not in a romantic relationship with her father. But she and I are extremely close and she’s been calling me mom since she was four.
I love the Red Sox and baseball in general. Hockey and football too. I’m definitely a sports nut.
I’m slowly working on covering myself in tattoos. I think I have 27. I honestly don’t remember. American trad is my favorite.
Feel free to ask me anything. I will try to answer honestly.
summary: Jarren has a very public anxiety attack that you are able to get him through. The experience bonds you.
warnings: anxiety attack, emotional distress, no use of y/n
a/n: I’m honestly surprised this hasn’t happened, or maybe it did and that’s why he’s not signing as much. I’ve been through many anxiety attacks: mine and others. Please feel free to reach out if you want to talk. If it’s urgent, call or text 988.
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The sidewalk on Van Ness Street was packed with people trying to connect with the players. Since the Sox had gone on the win streak, the amount of people out there had quadrupled. The crowd was made up of kids with parents, autograph collectors, people who sell autographs, and groups of 20 something’s hoping to become wags.
The guys trickle out of the clubhouse. Some ignore the crowd and go straight to their vehicles. Others sign a dozen things and make the excuse they need to leave. A few stay longer. Wilson Contreras and Payton Tolle both try their best to sign for all the kids and regular fans while avoiding the collectors. Most of the team has left as well as a good portion of the crowd, but many remain hoping Jarren Duran will sign.
He’s been different this season. The last few years he’d be out there for hours after every game. You got lucky last year and patience paid off. You had a couple of memorable interactions with Jarren. He’d fast become your favorite player, for both his on and off field exploits. When he admitted he attempted suicide and spoke publicly about his struggle you instantly understood. You’d been diagnosed with depression and anxiety years before. Suicide had nearly become a reality for you as well. And you had several friends you’ve supported through tough times.
The crowd came alive when Jarren walked onto the street. The team had won, but he had a bad night at the plate. You saw him take a deep breath and put a smile on his face before walking over to the crowd. If it wasn’t for the barricade, he’d have been mobbed. As it was, the crowd was rabid. Dozens of people were vying for his attention. He was trying to focus on the kids, but people kept shouting. Some were getting downright rude. Security shifted closer. You could see Jarren starting to shift from foot to foot. His eyes were darting around and he looked very overwhelmed.
Suddenly, he dropped the pen he was holding and kind of shoved a baseball into a small hand. He stumbled back a bit, but the crowd didn’t seem to recognize what was happening. You immediately knew what he was going through and pushed towards the barricade and the nearest security guard.
“Hey! Hey! You need to get him away from the crowd.”
The security guy looked at you but didn’t follow. You saw Jarren look at you with a pleading expression.
“Please! He’s having an anxiety attack! Please let me help!”
The guard looked at Jarren and realized what you had said. He ran over to the barricade and let you in. That caused the crowd to yell complaints, but your focus was on Jarren alone.
As gently as you could over the din you started, “Hey. It’s going to be okay. Let’s walk over here and get away from these people. Don’t worry about them, just focus on me.”
You guided him to the other side of his car, blocked from the crowd. “Let’s just sit down. Eyes on me.” You waited for him to settle and took his hands in yours. “Jarren, keep looking at me. You’re having an anxiety attack. We’re going to breathe through it until you’re calm, okay?”
He nodded and looked at you like you were the only thing keeping him tethered to earth.
“Good. Now we’re going to build a box. Breath in for the count of four. Hold for the count of four. Out for the count of four. Hold for the count of four. And we’re going to keep doing that until you have control again. Okay? Just keep looking at me and focus on breathing.”
He nodded again and followed your lead. Breathing in a pattern until you didn’t have to count it out anymore. After about five minutes, his breathing has returned to normal and he seems calm again.
“How are you feeling now? A bit better?”
He lets out a breath, “yes. Much better. How did you know what that was? I thought I was having a fucking heart attack!”
You chuckle, “Been through it a few times myself. That crowd was crazy so it’s not surprising they could trigger that reaction.”
“I can’t thank you enough. I don’t think anyone else knew what was happening. Hell, I didn’t know what was happening. I’ve never felt like that before!”
“Really? You have anxiety, right? Never had a panic attack before?”
“Not that I remember. At least not that bad. Jesus.” He shakes his head.
“You’re lucky. Thankfully it doesn’t happen to me often, but I’ve had such severe ones I’ve nearly gone to the hospital. I have meds now in case I get bad. Usually box breathing does the trick.”
“Is that what you call it? Crazy that it works. Again, thank you so much…”
You can tell he’s asking for your name so you reply. “No thanks needed. I’m just glad I could help.”
“We talked a couple of times last year, right? Though it’s hard to forget being accused of stealing,” he smirks.
“Oh my god. Of course you remember that,” you roll your eyes. “I actually didn’t accuse you of stealing my pen, you just have a guilty conscience!”
He laughs. A real laugh. “Fair enough. You usually have a kid with you…your daughter?”
“My niece. She’s essentially my stepdaughter. I’m just not in a romantic relationship with her dad. He’s my best friend and roommate, but that’s it. She’s been calling me her second mom since she was four.”
“That’s awesome! I’d love to have you both as guests for a game soon to thank you. I’ll get field passes.”
“Really?! She’d love that! I know she’s dying to ask you for some advice. She started playing softball last year and really wants to get better.”
“Well then, make sure she brings her glove. She can shag fly balls with me too!” You can hear the excitement in his voice and it’s adorable.
“Oh my god. She’s going to freak,” you beam.
“Perfect. Give me your number and we can coordinate a day.”
You give him your number and you both get off the ground. “Thank you again. You’re a lifesaver,” he reaches out and envelopes you in a bear hug.
“You’re very welcome. And feel free to reach out anytime if you need to, not just for planning the game. I’m here if you need me.”
He gives you a smile, “you might regret saying that. I’m always anxious. I might need to talk all the time.”
You can’t help but hope that’s exactly what happens.
They already tossed Riveira back to AAA, I actually feel bad because that’s crazy pressure for a new guy who’s barely played in the majors. Bello had a good game after but his problems are still a detriment to this team and he straight just looks like he’s tweaking every time he’s on screen they gotta do something to chill him out or something
I’m sure Riveira to AAA is just for Suarez to come off the IL.
I’d be happy if Bello was traded. You can’t continue to start a game in the 2nd inning. Using a bullpen arm that early will absolutely come back to bite you in the ass
Since the game is postponed, I have some time. I mentioned setting up a Discord. I know we’re all JD fans, but I want to be inclusive of other players as well.
I’m trying to think of a good name. ChatGPT came up with some interesting suggestions.
Who even is this team lately, what a turnaround???
I think they were here all year. A change of coaching was needed. They were and are a team built to play small ball. For whatever reason, Cora didn’t run the team that way. Tracy has embraced it and the boys have taken off. I love this brand of baseball. Home runs are fun, but the Sox have always been dirt dogs. This team epitomizes that. I love it.
Since the game is postponed, I have some time. I mentioned setting up a Discord. I know we’re all JD fans, but I want to be inclusive of other players as well.
I’m trying to think of a good name. ChatGPT came up with some interesting suggestions.
