their little town doesn’t feel safe any more. emily died in the woods–– a snake bite. now, the snake’s here, it’s one of them, and… it’s her fault.
guilt wraps ‘round her ribs and crushes. if she hadn’t been so selfish, if she hadn’t been so childish, to think gettin’ her parents back wouldn’t come without consequence… she doesn’t even want them now, not any more, not if it means losing the people she’s come to call home. darby thinks back to the last conversations she had with keiran, the last texts they shared.
darby shudders and it’s like clark has a sixth sense: he’s there, pressin’ close, and god above and satan below, this universe cannot take him too. darby’s arms uncross and she turns to bury herself against clark’s chest, breathe him in.
if you take him too, i’ll kill you, she thinks, like it can possibly make a difference. if you’re so mad i asked, just take me instead.
she balls clarks shirt in her hands and screws her eyes shut as more tears run hot down her cheeks. she’s not the only one sufferin’; she’s got to stay strong. for clark. for cassandra. for keiran.
“ d-don’t you go disappearin’ on me, too, ” she barely whispers, and holds tighter. she presses her cheek against his chest and listens to the steady budum-budum of his heart. “ okay ? ”
clark felt like he was walking into a big dark cave with nothing to protect him and no one to hold onto and that all the pressure to figure out how to bring light into the cave was on him, even though he had no supplies and no idea what he was doing. not even a fire-starting for dummies book.
there was nothing he could do to comfort his friends. nothing he could do to make any of this better, or right, or go away. nothing he could do to make anyone forget this ever happened. nothing he could do to help them get out of here.
he hated feeling useless. he liked winning. he liked being part of the guard, feeling a little in-control. but the way things were looking right now brought him back to being a little kid in class, not understanding how everyone else was understanding what was going on, and not understanding why he couldn’t understand.
he still felt like that sometimes. like everyone else was running marathons and he was on a treadmill, working just as hard but not going anywhere.
and when everyone else was all fucked up, and he couldn’t do anything about it. couldn’t express himself well enough to be the right kind of sad. couldn’t say anything without wondering if he was going to make it worse.
he couldn’t make it worse. he refused. instead, he just bent his head down to touch darby’s as she cried into his chest and held her tight. so tight he might never let go.
“i won’t,” he says into her hair. “promise, i won’t.”
