[wildrosestreet]

In 2022, I’m seeking discomfort

I was a very, very shy kid growing up. I would be scared whenever I had to meet new people, go to birthday parties etc. I would avoid social gatherings and stay in my comfort zone, just because it 'felt better'. That never really changed, until 2015, when I was 23 years old. I had the opportunity to study abroad in Granada and do an internship in Salamanca. So I took the chance. During these months abroad, I was kind of forced to go outside my comfort zone and meet new people. It still was very scary sometimes to go and meet people I had never met, but I no longer avoided those situations. Simply because I had no other choice.

What I realized was that, despite the fact I was scared and uncomfortable in those situations, they always led to very fun and adventurous experiences. There were a lot of unexpected things happening, I was doing things I'd never done before, I learned so much ... And all of that made me feel alive.

I haven't felt as alive as I did back in 2015. A while ago, however, I discovered the Youtube channel Yes Theory and they have inspired me so much. I realize now that I don't really need to live abroad to create meaningful experiences, to meet new people or to have real connections. I just have to go outside my comfort zone more often. I have to let go of my control and do unexpected things every now and then.

I have been trying to do this more often, and although it's not easy to choose the uncomfortable path, it's very rewarding. I'm planning to do this more often, step by step. This way I will create an interesting life full of fun and unexpected moments. I want to express myself more, do more things that make me proud and go for my dreams. 

In other words: my goal this year is to be a little bit more like the 23 year old version of myself: when nothing felt too big and life was one big adventure. I want to be more spontaneous, adventurous and brave. I want to seek discomfort (thanks Yes Theory!), meet new people, have real connections, do what makes me feel alive and learn a lot. I will let go of control. 

[wildrosestreet]

The beauty of self confidence

For the first time in a really long time, I could see a very beautiful, worthy, sweet person when I was looking in the mirror. I was moved by my self confidence, as it had never been more present.

It was true what I had been reading and hearing: your self confidence comes from within. It doesn’t depend on your appearance or on how you were born. You can control it! I had always been very insecure about my appearance, and for the first time ever, I could see that I was beautiful, no matter what.

When I realized that I (and nobody else) have control over my self confidence, I felt very strong. It’s a relief that I no longer have to seek validation from other people. I no longer need to keep in mind other people’s opinions. I can live the life I want to, attract the people I want to and work towards my goals and dreams. Because I’m worth it.

I can say for myself that I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am everything I want to be. And nothing else matters. I really hope that I can maintain this self confidence. I’m sure there will be ups and downs, but I feel like I’m growing and becoming more confident every day. 

I really hope that everybody else can experience what I felt, how happy I felt with myself. I hope there will be a time in which we support each other and help each other with our self confidence. Let’s help the another when we notice they can’t yet see their own beauty. Because if you are happy, then I will be happy and the world will be one happy place. It’s contagious. 

I hope there will be a time in which everybody will know that we are all equal, that we all have the same beauty. Instead of working against each other and tearing ourselves down, we can support each other and show love for ourselves and everyone else. The love we really need in this world right now.

[wildrosestreet]

Do what you dream of

A few months ago, these words popped up inside my head:

“Melodies are dancing inside my mind. I can do everything I’m dreaming of.”

And these words stuck to me for quite some time. I really liked it, because it told me to believe in my dreams, but I wasn’t quite sure what my dreams were exactly. So I tried to figure it out. However, I think I was thinking too much about how others perceive me and I kept in mind all of the things I’m good or bad at or ‘should’ be doing. 

But yesterday, I kind of had a revelation. It was the first time that the meaning of those words really came to me. Dreams aren’t about finding things I will succeed at, because I can do everything, as long as I put effort and dedication into it. And this insight gives a lot of freedom. 

When I think of my dreams, of what I really want to accomplish in my life, I shouldn’t be considering things that I ‘ought to’ do. My dreams should not be influenced by what I perceive as possible or not. I can do whatever I’m dreaming of. Life isn’t about talents or expectations from others. Life is about making a difference to the world. It’s about doing the things you absolutely love and live for. I can do whatever I want to do, whether I’m good at it or not. Because when I like what I do, I will do it more often and I will become better at it. It’s not the talent that makes a person succeed, it’s the experience and the dedication. It’s about believing in yourself and the intention you put behind your work. 

So I should not be scared and only go for the things I’m really dreaming of. Because I will succeed if I go for it and make it a goal in my life. The universe will do everything to make my dream a reality. 

So don’t ever stop dreaming and make your own dreams a reality. And make a difference to the world with your dedication and authenticity. 

I would like to end with a beautiful quote from Paulo Coelho, that really resonates with me.

When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it. - Paulo Coelho

[wildrosestreet]

I want to experience life

I’m so afraid to be 80 years old and regret all the things I didn’t do. But it’s so so difficult to live your true life and be your true self. To live your life creatively and with vulnerability. This is a life for the brave. And being brave, that’s not easy...

I feel like the majority of the people live inside a cloud. A cloud of pretending, one of not thinking life through. As if life just happens and we have to get through it. A life without summits, neither good nor bad. And that frightens me.

I don’t want to go ‘through’ life. I want to experience it. Every. Single. Day. I want to experience things, experience one another. Meet new people, see new places, be creative. I want to feel alive.

But living with people who clearly don’t share the same mindset, doesn’t really make it easy. Sometimes, it makes you feel like you’re weird, like you ask too much of life. Like your goals are unrealistic. It’s not easy to find someone who supports you in that and there doesn’t seem to be a clear roadmap to follow, just because every authentic life lived is so different.

It’s my goal to open up to new things more often. Draw or paint something and share it. Make a video and share it. Go to new places and share it. Go outside my comfort zone and share it. Because I no longer want to keep all the things that make me feel alive just to myself. I want to share it. And I want to meet people with the same mindset and share memories together. Because there’s a whole life ahead of us and there’s so much left to explore.

Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. - Brené Brown

[wildrosestreet]

The real Me

The most beautiful gift you can give yourself, is the permission to be yourself, to express yourself freely and without judgment.

That’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to convince myself that the best version of myself is the version in which I don’t really care about what others are thinking of me. Or what I think they are thinking. I know that I hold myself back way too often. And that I don’t express myself the way I really want to, despite the fact that I know others would prefer to see who I really am. What I really stand for, what I’m passionate about. Not the stripped down version of that.

I know that when I’m expressing myself, I feel so strong and happy. I feel like I can take on the world. That’s when I feel most valuable, for myself, but also for the people around me. And I want more of that.

I’m gonna try to keep this in my mind and come back to these thoughts when I’m about to minimize or downgrade myself. I’ll try to be less hard on myself. I’ll try to treat myself like I treat others or how I want others to treat me. 

I’ll end this with a quote from my favorite Youtuber In Hindzsight:

Your presence has purpose - Hindz

[wildrosestreet]

On Being Beautiful

When I was barely 10 years old, I was made to believe that my nose was not how it was supposed to be. Every day I would get reminders of that. I was bullied for something I could not change. At that time, I always felt nervous around the bully, I was always looking to avoid him and his presence. Oddly enough, I never talked about this to my parents or my teachers. I was lucky to be surrounded by friends who accepted me for who I was and I tried to draw attention to other things instead. Little did I know the impact this all would have on my life.

I’m still very insecure when it comes to my appearance, partly because of the bully, partly because of society. We are being told some things are beautiful and others aren’t. Some things are normal, other things aren’t. This person is too fat, the other too skinny. Tall is better than small, but small is better than large. We are being judged by everybody, it has become some sort of habit. Society learns us to do this. Society learns us to hate our bodies. 

We forget that everybody owns a wonder, is a wonder. A body is easily taken for granted, health is considered normal. But we forget how extraordinary all of this is. 

Next time you are about to criticize your own or someone else’s body, stop and remember that you are judging something that is way bigger than yourself. It’s a wonder and it should never be taken for granted. Also, if you know what kind of impact one remark can have, please let it be a positive one. Everyone should feel loved.

I hope there will be a world in the future, in which everybody loves her/himself and all the others. A world in which self love and love for the other are the norm. Because each and everyone of us needs it. We shouldn’t have to worry about our bodies and our appearance. What we should worry about, is the impact we have on the world and the people around us. Imagine a world in which everyone supports the other, how beautiful would that be?

[wildrosestreet]

Authenticity wins

I have been thinking a lot about this...

A lot of very talented people share their work on Instagram and other social media. Everyday we are loaded with new pictures, new works of art, new musical pieces. We can enjoy them, admire them, share them, devour them. 

It’s really nice that everyone has access to this. However, there is a downside to all of this. Just because everything is shown so perfectly, or at least it seems perfect, it takes away the joy of play. 

With all the very talented people on these social media, a lot of people don’t consider their work good enough. They don’t post or share it, because ‘there is better work to be found’. A lot of people don’t play, don’t take pictures because they just like it, don’t pick up the brush because what they want to paint seems unattainable, don’t sing songs on their guitar because their voice is not trained enough.

But I feel like we’re missing a lot this way. So many spontaneous moments, so many creative outlets, so many enjoyable moments do not take place because of that. 

Of course I’m glad I get to see the work of very talented artists, but I don’t necessarily think their work is more valuable than the work of less experienced people. Nothing beats the vibes that can come with spontaneous encounters with creative people who dare to sing in the street, dare to show the work they do as a hobby or as a way to escape the daily grind.

I think it’s the authenticity that counts. The creative sparks that come with it. The way it makes people feel. 

Life is all about sharing, connecting with one another. I don’t think there is a more honest and valuable way than doing it in a creative way. And that counts for everybody, because everybody is creative.

[wildrosestreet]

Who am I?

Lately, I have been feeling the urge to get to know myself better. It’s so easy to be in the grind of life without pausing and thinking about what really matters and what makes you happy in life. I’ve gotten to the point now that I’m really stuck in life and something must change, because I’m far from being fulfilled and proud of what I’m doing.

I feel this strange contrast inside of me: on the one hand, I feel like I need a way to express myself and be creative, but on the other hand, I’m also scared to open up and be vulnerable. 

I think I have been neglecting my creative side for far too long and I don’t know where to start to pick it up again. However, I feel like this is the only way I’m gonna be satisfied with my life, because it’s very important for me. I really want to create meaningful things and help to make the world a better and more beautiful place.

It takes a lot of courage to show your work today, because people are always gonna give their opinion. Creative work is very personal, so the feedback is going to be hard sometimes. However, this cannot be a reason to stop expressing what you’re feeling. It’s my life and I’ve already cared too much about other people’s opinions. It has been holding me back for years now and it really isn’t worth it. 

I want an authentic life. I want a creative life. I want to share my passion and work with others and connect with others who share the same interests, values and passions in life. I want to open up to others, because that’s what life is all about for me. Being in my own world all the time, not sharing anything of what I’m feeling or making, is not how I want to live my life. 

I would like to end with this beautiful poem of Cleo Wade, words of which I think they are very wise and true <3

express yourself. don’t walk around with the burden of unsaid things, unlived talents, and untold stories. free yourself. live out loud. - Cleo Wade

[wildrosestreet]

Boxes

I am stuck Stuck inside all of society’s boxes Confined to made up borders and boundaries

I want to break free

I am not a race I am not a class I am not a gender I am not a work force I am not a profession I am not an appearance I am not an opinion I am not politics

Let me be Just me And I promise I will work my magic Into this world

I am me Free

[wildrosestreet]

Citizen of the world

When you’re born in a country, you’ll learn a lot of that country in school. You’ll learn about the history, you’ll read a lot of books of the authors in your country, dive deeper into the music and art of the country. That way, you can create an image of what your country is like. 

However, everything that is presented to you is selected wisely and many facts and terrible events caused by your country, will be omitted. That way, your vision of your country will be subjective and incomplete. It will create prejudices and problems. 

Apart from that, our world keeps on changing and shifting. A lot of people were not born in the country they live in, or have roots in other countries. So it’s only normal that the information about the country they live in is not enough.

I think it would be better to teach children about the world, instead of a certain country. To share facts and art of the world as a whole, instead of selecting just one country. Teach them about the different cultures with different languages, teach them about the beauty there is to be found everywhere. Teach them about the history worldwide, without omitting the terrible things that happened. Show them how talented everyone is, no matter what country or continent you’re from, no matter what skin color you have, no matter what language you speak.

There is richness to be found everywhere and I think the lessons in school are too focused on the Western world or one country in particular. But that way of living is not the only one, not the right one, not the best one. If we can show children how diverse this planet is, if we can show them that we can all learn from each other, I think we eventually will be more open to each other. We will be more inclined to learn from each other and celebrate our differences instead of letting them be an obstacle. 

So please, let them read books from all over the world, let them dance on music they do not know yet. Show them art that’s new to their eyes. Show them the beauty. Show them the diversity. Show them, and a world literally will open up. Planet Earth is so beautiful. It would be a shame to only learn about one country. Look further and see the beauty.

[wildrosestreet]

We need it like water

All these limitations All these restrictions

No contacts No friends No fun

No music No culture No art No distraction

Though we need it like water

[wildrosestreet]

Connection

2021 is 3 months old already, I’m still in lockdown with a lack of contacts and people to share ideas with. Sometimes I miss seeing my friends or family all together. I miss drinking a tea, chatting over a dinner in a restaurant, … But what I miss most is connection.

We live in such a weird time and I really need to share my ideas, experiences, opinions and feelings with others. But I feel we are more closed and solitary than ever. When I walk in the street, people look down or watch their phone. When I’m on the train, we listen to music. I’m also guilty of doing that. We no longer create opportunities to randomly chat with each other. There’s no opportunity left to connect with people. 

Fact is that I really love to connect with others, or to help others. A genuine smile from somebody can literally make my day. Helping a mother to carry a push chair up the stairs in the station can be the highlight of my day. Talking to a stranger on the street can make my day. Every time someone is genuinely friendly to me, or every time I experience a connection with someone or I can help someone, it fills my heart with joy and I get all warm inside.

I can’t be the only one who feels this way. Why don’t we do that more often? Why are we so afraid of socializing with each other? Why are we scared of asking for help?

We can learn so much from each other. We all live our own life with our own experiences, life goals, dreams, realizations and fears. I always get inspired when people share their experiences with me, when people share what they have been going through or have been feeling lately. When we are open, when we share this, we are so brave, because it’s not easy to open up to someone. But every time someone shares something about themselves, I immediately understand them better and often times I can connect with that person. 

That’s why I really want to learn to open up. All today’s problems in society are built on fear. If only we could communicate more with each other, share our experiences, struggles, fears, joys, we would understand that we’re all the same.

If we open up to each other, we can understand each other. We get that we’re not alone and that nobody is perfect or better than the other. If we open up to each other, we can start to build a life together instead of next to each other. This is the start of a more beautiful and fulfilling life. To me at least.

I hope I will be brave enough today to connect with someone and share a smile, a bit of happiness, a sparkle of joy or a helping hand.

[wildrosestreet]

Always late

As a child, I used to love birthdays. I always received gifts and did something really nice on that day. It was a day to feel proud and big. However, since the age of 23, I hate it to become older. Now that I’m 28, I realize why. 

People teach us to have big dreams, so that you can make it in life, make the best out of your time here on earth. When you are born, you begin with a clean slate and everything seems possible. I, too, had and still have dreams. 

But it’s not as easy as it seems. Life comes with a lot of challenges, some people experience them early on, others later in life. These challenges are hard, and although I believe everything has a reason and that eventually, we can only learn from these challenges and mistakes, the dreams we have are being thwarted and tested.

Every time something you dreamt of didn’t work out, or every time you pushed aside the dream for a while, it really wasn’t an issue, because you were still very young and you still had time. It’s easy to postpone the dreams, because you are dealing with something else or the time doesn’t seem right to pursue them. 

But once you’re 28, I feel like society expects you to be successful in life. You’re a grown up, old enough to have achieved at least a few milestones. But what if you still haven’t achieved what you wanted? Or you don’t even know what you want to dedicate your life to?

I feel like I’m always running late. And I hate that feeling. Am I too picky with my dreams, my goals? Do I expect too much in life? Can I already be a failure at the age of 28?

I don’t want my life to pass by doing something meaningless. I want to make an impact on the world and apparently, that can be hard. It’s easy to just do something you’re expected to do, even though it doesn’t give you any satisfaction or fulfillment (also, it isn’t something that you can maintain for a long time).

It’s just so scary to work on your dreams, when it feels unreachable. When you have to step out of your comfort zone. When traumas and insecurities will try to prevent you from achieving what you want. However, I will do all I can to not give up on my dreams. I still have 50+ years to live, after all.