Thrive! @wildsunchild87-blog - Tumblr Blog

Be picky about vibes. Be picky about the energy you surround yourself with. You owe yourself that much

✊

Another sad love song

When you feel used above all things, like you were just filling in time until something else came along. That’s the worst feeling in the world. You wasted months of your life trying to inspire someone else or make someone else happy and all they did was break you down and discard you once they were done. I can’t preach honesty if I’m not honest with myself. I feel used and manipulated. I feel as if my kindness was taken advantage of so that I could be a filler. I feel my time was wasted, my money was wasted, my effort was wasted on someone who I knew would never put the same amount of effort into me as I did them. Someone who blatantly disrespected me and felt a simple “I’m sorry was enough” then wanted a friendship. That’s not a friend, theres no self respect in that soul. Friendships have loyalty, honesty, and respect. I knew once the texts stopped, the calls stopped, the lies continued. I will no longer blame myself for the lack of this persons humanity. I will no longer take part in the blame that the liar makes me feel so the guilt is no longer an issue. I believe in Karma and I believe every once of hurt and pain I’ve felt they will feel 20 times over every tear soaked pillow every corner I’ve wept in every moment I’ve felt that my heart would give out, I want them to feel it 20 times more to remotely understand the damage that’s been done. Because they promised they would be different, and even in a friendship they failed.

#i hate this

Nightmares

Forgiving but never forgetting. Forgiving by definition is to stop feeling anger or resentment towards someone. My anger is complete shock. Like complete shock in watching a scenario play out in front of me step by step and never say a word, my pride got me like “bitch you just going to let this happen?” I did and now I can’t sleep when I close my eyes I play it out I hear it. Its there everything is there embedded forever because its the first time that I’ve ever hated myself more than the person doing the wrong. I hold this hurt ALONE. Don’t know how I’ve mastered this forgiving nature but I never forget and that’s ALL I want to do. Its worse when ur alone and you think about it the shock fades and ur just weeping but silently so no one knows of your stupidity but you. This isn’t love, its not what love feels like. My silence allows them to walk without the hurt I feel the nightmares ill have or the paranoia I’ll never get rid of. It feels a lot worse than a fucking sting.

#depressing thoughts #angry

fruitsaladchewits-deactivated20

One of the Toughest Moments.

I was enlightened this weekend. I do not love myself. I do not value myself and I let others who show me attention reap what should be reserved for the person that deserves it. Its about respect. If I have none for myself, who will? I feel rejected, I feel used, I feel so stupid for the choices I made these past couple days. I don't know who I am anymore, who I've become. I'm not happy anymore. Being unhappy because of situations out of your control, they have to be the worst and to train your brain to just shut off must take skill. I have to stop letting the hurt in.

#stop it #no more love #unhappy #heartbreak #respect #honestly