Lost Cause

[willtogrow]

The more people I meet the lonelier I get .. because it’s not like just because I meet someone where friends. People make me feel like I’m in object not a person and I’ll never be able to explain that properly

[willtogrow]

I’m afraid I’m going to go down again

[willtogrow]

Can u get ptsd from chronic illness because my ptsd symptoms are back and it’s not from the old things... I know that for sure. I wake up every single morning shaking/tremoring with my heart rate really really high. It’s like almost if I’ve gotten terrified of waking up. I’m so scared to go to bed at night, because I’m too scared to wake up and then I’m so scared about waking up that I wake up in panic because I’m too terrified to face another day. The loneliness.... the isolation .... the unpredictable hour by hour symptoms. I don’t do online support groups anymore because they got too triggering, and my counsellor is gone until September and I got new friends but we’re not at the level where I think I can trust them like that. I’ve just been so down, so defeated, so scared of each day. For a while I had a good distraction because this guy is been crushing for 2 years was talking to me every day so I was busy in la la land freaking out 24/7 because he would ask me how I was feeling etc and it was a #dream!!! But then i heard from someone that he just felt sorry for me

[willtogrow]

I have this problem where I get too excited over the smallest things and then I just get sad. I’m still trying to learn how to not be so optimistic

[willtogrow]

Not doing too well and it doesn’t matter too much so I’m just gonna go away for a while until I’m a little well

[willtogrow]

It sucks missing someone that u like a lot and miss alot but never here from them or talk with them anymore really 😔 really missing my one friend but oh well.

[greatpretending]

Making friends on tumblr is weird. It’s like “Hi, I don’t know where you’re from but I know your kinks and exactly how depressed you were last Tuesday.”

[inanotherunivrse]

in another universe I’m easier to love

[willtogrow]

All my dreams have been revolving around deafth lately and it o ly makes it harder to get up in the morning

[willtogrow]

All this time I thought my house had air conditioning because I’m always cold 😂 but when my friend came over yesterday I found out that we didn’t lol. I was like “oh yeah there’s air conditioning” and she asked me to turn it up so I asked my roommate if she knew how to turn the air conditioning up and well first she gave me a dirty look then said we don’t have air conditioning lol . The control on the wall was only for heat 😂😂😂

[willtogrow]

Hanged out with my friend from class today !!! It was great! So happy I met her. I had a great evening. I was just going for a walk listening to music knee braces and ankle braces on just to get out of the house and get moving for a few minutes and I bumped into Cindy .. she asked me if I was doing anything, I said no and she just came over and we just talked and we’re on our phones then I played some uke . It was hilarious.?Ugh I haven’t had a night like this in so long. Also laughed a lot and I love laughing. Feeling happy and grateful

[willtogrow]

I found my journal from while I was on alinia .

[willtogrow]

My aunt Sylvia from Uganda’s side of the family is so much like me

[willtogrow]

A good talk if anyone is bored

[willtogrow]

I've found no place for my self where i can feel like i belong or a place that i can call a home. so i just want to go back to uganda

[willtogrow]

finally got out of bed at 7pm, i showered, put my knee braces on then went to buy dinner. I'm back and so tired I'm going to bed. at least i got outside

[willtogrow]

I’ll never understand how a single person can cause you to feel so much. I mean I kinda do understand because we learned about it in my cognitive science class. We have specific neurons for every single person we know and they fire at different rates depending on how strong our connection is to them. So scientifically we can really examine if someone hates you or loves you etc by measuring brain waves on how the neurons respond to a picture of the person. It’s very interesting actually. No matter how hard you try to not feel that way, you still will. If someone has hurt you their neurons will fire either really low or really high with anxiety depending on the situation. If you really love someone and you’re shown a picture or name that reminds you of them, then they fire really high at a fast rate.