El Deadpool

Hot, thick, 9 inches long, firm, moist on the outside. Easy to grip and less than 8 dollars. Next question. (Closed rp account w/ mhrpg)

[48hoursagain]

Visit Original Link

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

Not just a prattler, but one that doesn’t make sense. Also one that seems to say anything else aside from the answer to his question. Guess, he’ll just have to force it out of him.

Who are you?

The merc was too good at dodging when it actually, matter, too fast actually, to let him get any closer with those katanas, so Nathan opts for the easy way out. He reaches with his TK into the red figure’s spine and unceremoniously snaps it in half. He’ll heal, and he can still talk, but Nathan will be able to keep him down for now.

Why do you keep leaving?

Stalking over and putting a boot down onto the man’s chest, he telekinetically chucks away the katanas and aims his gun at the man’s face. “You can call me Cable. Now, who do you work for?”

Blood gurgles out of Wade’s mouth and gets stuck on the inside of his suit. Yup, that spine is done. The ground is his friend, and standing is not. “Your...mom...” he answers, coughing. 

His arms would be paralyzed until his spine heals--he really needs to see a chiropractor, or at least that cute chick from the gym-- but he’s Deadpool and his healing factor is just too good. And honey badger just does what it wants. So he reaches for a grenade in his pocket and depresses the striker, flipping off the safety pin as he tosses it in Cyborg’s face. “Heads up!” 

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

Breaking and Entering

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

Handy. Very handy. Rogue thought about asking about the skin but that was insensitive and if he didn’t mention it than perhaps it had nothing to do with his mutation. That… Was both a relief and sad. It should have healed, right? “You’re a handy guy, then. Ah got one but it’s so small yeh might not even notice.” But it certainly made healing cracked bones easier.

“Daredevil is the guy in Hell’s Kitchen, right?” A door suddenly opened in front of them and a few of the kids seemed to be out looking for a light snack. No better moment to push Wade down another hall that she guessed headed to the back of the mansion. “Ops.” He was a big guy but that didn’t mean her push wouldn’t send him a few steps along even if she tried to hold it in. “Ah… You ok?”

Was that Logan’s voice in the back of her head telling her to practice? Oh, shove off…

“In more ways than one,” he says with an awful eyebrow wiggle in response to Rogue’s ‘handy’ comment. He shrugs in response to her explanation. “I’m sure it’s bigger than you think.” ...They’re talking about what he thinks they’re talking about, right?

Wade starts waving at the kids when Rogue sends him flying down the next hall. Now that’s some super-strength! “Oh, yeah. No, I’m good.” He landed on his head, but he kind of needed to fix that crick in his neck from earlier. He gets up and brushes off his suit. 

“You know, I’m actually pretty okay with kids. As far as cursing and the vulgar stuff goes.” Except for that time he played “pull my finger” with some kid, and his finger actually came off. He kind of did that on purpose. 

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

Macho Man!

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

Logan growled in response and his hand flashed out, claws slashing to slice through Wade’s sandwich.  “That answer your question?”  

It wouldn’t be too difficult to figure out if he enlisted any of the kids in the mess of his room.  His nose would tell him who did what.  While he wouldn’t trust Wade to clean up his room, he could and would track down his accomplices if any and make them do it.

He reached out to grab Deadpool’s suit and drag him closer.  “You got thirty seconds to tell me why you are really here before I drag your ass outside.”  Now for him, that actually was downright friendly.   Depending n how much Wade tried to bullshit him.

“I’m here because I care,” he whispers tenderly, patting the hand that’s lifted him out of his chair. “And because I missed you. Even though you ruined my sandwich. You’re paying me back for that, by the way. That took me twenty minutes to make.” 

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

“This is like, twilight levels of strange, this conversation I mean.”  So sue him, he watched old movies and TV with his Aunt and Uncle growing up.   He knew some really ancient references.  

“Look the no-killing thing is kind of a deal-breaker for hanging out with him.   You really want to do it, that’s probably going to be a hard limit.”  As soon as he said it, he knew that particular turn of phrase might have been a bad idea.

Wade looks like he’s actually taking this seriously. Might be a first for him, at least like this. “Okay, well. If it’s a deal-breaker, we can talk about it. You know? I can compromise. I can do that.” You know you’ve never tried that before, right? Shut up. This is totally going to work. Maximum effort: mercy run. Hey, that’s a pretty good movie title. 

“Do you think you could send him the message? I’m available to talk about our hard limits! And soft limits. If he’s into that. But yeah, no killing, either way.” 

[inthenameofsephiroth]

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

Writing Task #7

It took Wade about a day to actually start screaming. Short, animal noise that came out of his throat unwillingly, like his body thought he could use it to breathe. It started when he looked at his reflection above him and didn’t recognize the thing inside of it. It wasn’t human. 

He couldn’t feel his body, but there was enough pain coming from everywhere that it seemed pretty fucking solid. But it was separate from him, and he couldn’t think straight. The brain kind of needs oxygen to think. If there was any thought going on in Wade’s head, it was something like “please die please die please die please die please die please die.” It’s kind of fuzzy. Did you know that prolonged oxygen deprivation kills brain cells? 

He could smell his skin rotting. It took him awhile to figure out what it was. Like a really disgusting animal curled up behind a dumpster at an abandoned Wendy’s or something. Anyway, he got used to it after a couple hours. His mouth was too dry to taste anything or to speak. It felt like he forgot how to speak. 

There’s just some shit you just can’t make good jokes about. That’s probably why the movie did a torture montage minus any real narration. Besides the ‘horror movie’ comment because, that was just necessary. And awesome. A lot like comedic timing, except the opposite of that. 

Wade lit the match because he needed to kill himself. It’s the only thing he could think about. But killing himself for the first time only led to a weird Frankenstein’s-monster-meets-Fight-Club showdown with Dr. Feelgood. 

The moral of the story, kids, is that Wade would’ve killed of a lot more people to stick one in Francis’s dome personally. Top ten moments of his life, killing that guy. And his associated Weapon X fucks. 

[inthenameofsephiroth]

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

Wow, this one was a real prattler. What luck. Here’s to hoping that a few bullets will shut him up. Except they don’t. In fact, the man he moving as though Nathan hadn’t hit him at all.

“You heal,” he observed as he decidedly starts focusing his aim to the head. He could see the wounds, even blunt pop back out maybe, it was the only explanation. That however, brought up it’s own set of questions.

The man was obviously not legal law enforcement, which meant Ross hadn’t been the one to send him to protect the data. Nathan had initially thought the man to just been goon the informant summoned himself, but he was way to good for that kind of dime. Now, with the healing? “Who the hell are you?”

“Maybe not your worst nightmare, but I’m that recurring one with the awkward high school prom where you end up naked.” He dodges Cyborg’s more carefully aimed head shots while trying to win this gunfight with a pair of swords. Thankfully, it’s something he’s decent at. 

But this guy is insanely tough. What villain cares enough about mutant identities to send the fucking Terminator? “Who are you, Dirty Harry?” 

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

Thank you for existing. 💗 Send this to 10 people who you think deserve a sweet and kind message in their inbox 💕

!!!!!❤️❤️💗💞💖💞❤️💟❤️❤️💞💜💙💖💚💞💙💙💗💙💗💞❤️💗💞❤️

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

Macho Man!

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

“You better be fucking lying you sad sack of shit.   Or do you really enjoy it when I slice you in tiny little pieces to see how long it will take you to regenerate?”  Odds where, Wade told the truth.   Something that fit his sense of humor quite well.   Sometimes he thought the asshole provoked him deliberately just because he knew Logan had no issues dealing that level of violence out.

He scoffed, “upstanding model citizen my ass.  You’ve been shot in the head so many times you’ve permanently lost brain cells.”   Claws fully extended he stalked closer to Wade.   Logan really didn’t want to make a mess in the kitchen, the shenanigans they got up to would probably upset the younger kids.  It didn’t mean he wouldn’t threaten that violence or even drag him outside.

Wade looks hurt. He thought the glittery kitten stickers would be able to reach that tiny, itty-bitty piece of happiness still locked inside Logan’s adamantium ass. Hey, not like that. He just shrugs and has some more of his sandwich. “I’m pretty sure the brain cells were lost before getting shot in the head, Dr. Obvious. Ooh, do the claws mean you’re happy to see me?” 

He likes to think of Logan as his friend, secretly his best friend, which is some truly depressing shit. He’ll feel better when Logan sees all the glitter in his room, though. 

[inthenameofsephiroth]

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

Breaking and Entering

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

“Ah wish ah was that classy. Ah do kill it at karaoke though.” Memories of one late night a bar serving as distraction on the main stage were firmly pushed down before her smirk got wider. Good times.

Rogue threw a look over their shoulders at Logan’s door, now down the hall, and a very dry look at Wade. “If by helping you mean growling an’ telling meh not to brake things, yeah. A montage would be awesome, better than gettin’ sore from ‘cause of a punching machine.” Most of the scrapes on her hands had healed already and that just kept reminding her that she was different now. She almost wanted to reopen the wounds.

“If you know mah tricks than ah should know yours, it’s only fair.”

Marks his mental calendar to go on a weekend karaoke spree with Rogue. That’s like, the 50th thing on his bucket list, anyway. “Eh, don’t let Logan get to you. He’s a senior citizen who doesn’t believe in fun. Or general happiness. But we accept him anyway.”

Wade raises his eyebrows suggestively. “Okay, show me yours, I’ll show you mine. I get it. Let’s see,” he says, counting on his fingers. “Regenerative healing, kind-of-but-not-really super strength from getting a YMCA membership that one time, lots of guns. And swords. And my roommate’s blind? So that’s like, Daredevil shit right there.” 

[inthenameofsephiroth]

Right in the middle there, just… nugget of romaine lettuce or something. It’s been bothering me for a long time.

[gwenthepoole-blog]

Good Morning World!

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

So when the time came to explain where she had come from, Gwen had a whole speech planned out. It was going to make perfect sense to whoever was listening and she wasn’t going to come across as having lost her mind. But then Deadpool happened and she babbled her way through a not-so-logical version of her speech and now he was staring at her like she had just sprouting a second head that only spoke in Klingon. Hey, could that happen in this world?

“It’s complicated?” Gwen phrased it like a question about honestly, she didn’t even know how to explain the finer details. Nor did she want to dig into the reasons of why it happened. “One moment I was in the world where all of this-” she waved her arms around at their surroundings “-was fictional. Now I’m here and this is all kinda real. And I get to be hero like you. Fun, right?”

“Well, dish!” Wade says, after Gwen starts saying that it’s complicated. He listens and looks like he’s processing this about as hard as the original Twin Peaks finale. That was some rough stuff. 

“Well shit on my ass and call it a poundcake, I totally called it. You know, nobody has ever believed me!” He laughs, really actively trying to not do the crazed-relief laugh. But it probably comes out anyway. “How’d you get here? I’ll be honest, I’m kind of picturing Tron right now.” 

[welcometoplanetrandom]

[wingedwxrren-blog]

Looking for Trouble || Warren & Wade

[willworkforchimichangas-blog]

Warren took a moment to fix his hair as best he could considering the circumstances (no mirror, no product) and tried not to think too much about being compared to Prince Charming. He certainly liked to think of himself as charming but weren’t those princes from those fairy tales kinda lame? He’d rather be compared to someone like Han Solo if he was going to be compared to anyone.

Anyway those Prince Charming thoughts were forgotten when he noticed Wade looting the unconscious bodies. Warren groaned. “C’mon, man, if you need money, just ask. You know I have plenty.”

Before Warren could start offering amounts to his friendly neighbour merc, sirens began to wail in the space around them. They were going to have company very soon and Warren certainly didn’t want to have to use his wealth to bail them both out of jail. “You want a lift out of there?”

“Hey! I don’t take hand-outs!” Wade says, turning around and brandishing a severed hand at Warren. He quickly bursts into laughter, wheezing. “Oh, god. I should do one of those Netflix stand-ups,” he says, tossing the hand back into the alley. He’s tucked everyone’s wallets safely into his utility belt pouches. 

 “Sure, but don’t do any loop-de-loops. I will throw up on you,” he says, already moving to climb into Warren’s arms. Ah, romance. And hopefully minimal vomit. Wade blinks lovingly at Warren and his slightly disheveled hair.