Rand, Yui, Alyssa, & Nol: Mirrors and Cycles
Throughout I Love Yoo we have a series of characters, mirroring, and foiling other characters in the cast. A really common example of this mirroring is between Yui and Alyssa and Nol and Rand. When we meet them, we see Alyssa introduced very much the same way as Yui and openly expresses admiration for her, meanwhile Nol is shown to be a mirror of Rand, constantly referenced as following in his father’s footsteps - both Alyssa & Nol also share many physical similarities with their presumed mirrors. However, as we start to deconstruct all four of these characters, we see a more interesting set of mirrors pop up: Nol as a mirror/foil of Yui, and Alyssa as a mirror of Rand.
If you have not already, I would recommend reading these posts about Rand and Alyssa before reading this mirror analysis:
Alyssa Cho - An Essay
Rand the Damned
Rand the Damned comment thread
As Nol begins his anti-hero arc, the similarities between him and Yui begin to unveil - two people both born into unfortunate circumstances that they can not control, abused and put down by their own family, made to believe that they are worthless and not allowed to have the things they want (even further - not allowed to want to want them at all). For Nol, this is being born the illegitimate child, constantly thwarted and set up for failure by Yui, made to believe he is nothing and nobody by Kousuke, shown that he is a blight in the universe that was never supposed to exist, that he is not allowed to live a normal free life, to be loved, because anything he tries will bring misfortune. For Yui, it was being born the youngest daughter in a deeply patriarchal traditional family, constantly denied what she has earned, running circles around everyone else in the room but still not winning the race, told she will never be allowed to inherit and carry on her family legacy because she wasn’t born in the right spot, that she is inherently less than not only a Hirahara man but any man, that there is nothing she can do to change that and instead of being an ambitious business woman she has to become mommy homemaker and play the game to raise the next male Hirahara heir. Then, eventually, the pressure of living in this way, of being constantly put down, of wanting to want drives them into their revenge arc. Yui has been in hers the entire time we’ve known her (including flashbacks), while we see the beginning of Nol’s when he pleads guilty in the court arc, is shrouded in imagery of taking the heir position, starts making future-oriented choices that threaten his role as the family disappointment (applying to Oxford, following Rand’s footsteps with his program choice, covertly standing up to Yui, etc), turns away and even antagonizes those who he’s perceived as hurting him (243, 238), even in his indulgence (and push-and-pull guilt over) his feelings for Shin-Ae. 243 is very telling to me as, while Alyssa has hurt him and he is justified in his feelings and initial points of conversation, he escalates to intentionally trying to scare her and evoke memories of her abusive father, communicating intent to hurt her with “I may be angry, but I am not your father,” punching down at her in a vulnerable moment. She has hurt him, but as far as we know never intentionally. Whereas Nol very intentionally wanted to be mean to her in exchange for the unintentional hurt she’s caused him and as a way to lash out his true frustrations with his own family on her. Nol speaks about her choices as a moral failing rather than an intentional way to hurt him, but even if from his perspective he had the thought it was intentional - it doesn't change his willingness to return a hurtful low blow where other characters may not. That willingness is paralleled with Yui, who hurts others in the same way or more than she's been hurt. That’s not to say that his feelings aren’t valid and he didn’t need to sever that relationship with her - but he did not need to do it in the way he did, and he did indulge is someone else’s pain. On this small scale, we can see the attitudes that will likely expand into Nol’s anti-hero arc. While Nol likely only views those who have hurt him as targets (as opposed to Yui who views the entire world as part of her revenge arc), Nol’s perception has its own gaps and biases and he is not above being hostile for the sake of serving his own form of justice and vengeance. Yui, too, likely initially began her revenge arc as setting out to get back at those who have held her back, yet was so consumed with rage that she became that which destroyed her - a fate possible (even though unlikely) for Nol.
We know that Nol takes inspiration from Heathcliffe in Wuthering Heights, and it’s been long speculated that his arc is also inspired by The Count of Monte Cristo, but we see this idea come up repeatedly through the comic that Nol is going to be forced to fight for his right to live, but will want wants more than just to live and is going to fight his way to that. And every fight has its casualties, its hard decisions, the potential to lose yourself amongst the battle. Nol is in a metamorphosis and, as YuJing noted when speculating on who he will be after jail, you can come out either better or worse. Nol’s revenge arc is only budding, but by looking at Yui’s life we can see where his current route is headed, the trajectory that being constantly put down and denied and not allowed to want for no reason other than circumstances of your birth that you could not control leads to. The trajectory that finally deciding enough is enough and if you’re not going to be allowed, then you’re going to take it for yourself leads to. We get the impression that Nol will eventually foil Yui, that his arc will have us follow the making of a villain and watch him toe or even briefly cross that line that Yui crossed years ago, but see him be pulled back by the supports in his life, the variables in his life that Yui never had. But, before one can become a foil, they must be a mirror. While Nol still mirrors Rand in his relationships, and is on a trajectory to foil them, the further his character develops the more and more his overall trajectory becomes a mirror (and eventual foil) of Yui.
With the unveiled mirroring of Nol and Yui, it also calls into question the other characters of this quartet: Alyssa and Rand. Alyssa and Rand share the role of a “successful” individual trapped within the system, victim to their choices, the struggle to survive. The ones who do not manage to break their generational cycle, becoming trapped within it, doomed by the narrative. These characters, in a similar way to how Nol and Yui, share a lot of similarity in the way that they were raised in their childhood. These are two of the only characters in the series shown to lack both physical and emotional safety and childhood. Rand, born a poor orphan, aged out of the system. This means that as a child he had to fend for himself in all aspects and didn’t have any sort of family or strong support network to reliably prop him up in either physical means (housing, clothing, spare change, food), or emotional means (unconditional love, nurturing, validating, etc). Presumably, through his observation of those around him and society from this place as a poor orphan, Rand came to believe that enduring security comes from physical success and security. He was put in this situation because those who were supposed to love and care for him - his parents - abandoned him, and learned that you have to rely on yourself and the things that last, that are unfailing, that provide are these institutions. And we watch that belief put him on this life path, turn him into the man he became, the chase for physical security leading him to lose a part of himself and realize all too late that emotional support and security was just as, if not more, important.
With Alyssa, while she appears initially to have physical security (nice house, well-off family, lunch money, private lessons, etc), we learn that her father is both emotionally and physically abusive. This means that she lacks physical safety from the constant fear of domestic violence, and in her upbringing with being seen as a tool to be used, a vessel for her parents lost dreams, a thing to be successful instead of a person, she lacks emotional security as well, as she was never provided true love and nurturing. Similarly to how Rand sets his sights on reaching the top of corporate success as a means to achieve and maintain the security he never had in his youth to avoid falling back to the bottom of the social hierarchy, Alyssa sets a goal of climbing the social hierarchy and becoming powerful so that no one can put you down anymore and tell you that you’re not allowed to live how you want to. Both Rand and Alyssa become known to us as people entirely consumed in their ambitions, reaching high successes but losing themselves in the process, throwing away the true good in their lives along the way. For both of them we see this misconception of their needs and the source of security backfire - what Rand actually needed was a family to love support and build a sense of stability with, while what Alyssa needs is the self-acceptance to be herself and stand in the light (accept others’ love of her). But Rand’s chase of physical security leads him to become trapped in his role as the businessman, shackled by Yui’s abuse, denied emotional security and losing his family, while Alyssa’s chase of security leads her to fall into the hands of predators, exposing her to further emotional manipulation, inability to live authentically, grooming, exploitation, and sexual violence on top of her existing history of domestic violence. These are two people who traded their soul away for the ability to achieve stability without understanding what they were signing away.
As a result of their upbringing and search for safety within the social hierarchy, Rand and Alyssa share a similar pattern in their values, where their personal and social values are misaligned. For Rand, we see this dissonance often in the way he talks to his sons and provides advice, as well as how others who know him speak of him. To Nol and Kousuke, Rand often emphasizes the social expectation of their world. This is where Kousuke gets the idea that he must strive to be the perfect gentleman and capable businessman, neglecting his own internal world to do so. Meanwhile, Nol is viewed as the screw up and is even chastised by Rand for it, his benevolent trait s tossed aside as worthless and told to focus more on his reputation, conventional success, and contributions to the family’s status. He advises his children to heed their reputations at the expense of their personal values and appears to only commend their achievements that fit this mold (stating that the only good thing Nol has achieved is an idol girlfriend, commenting on how much Kousuke has accomplished at the company, etc). However, Rand does at times let his guard down and express his personal values, such as when he encourages Nol to go see Shin-Ae after his arrest instead of yelling at him, is more focused on Kousuke lying about not knowing Shin-Ae than the actions around the dance, talks to Shin-Ae in the hospital about his sons and Yui, and expresses his care for Kousuke and past intentions on the phone when Kousuke misses his speech. While his sons consistently express shock at this side of their father, expecting his focus on social values, others in the story tell tales of a benevolent and caring man, someone very different from the version of Rand we met at the beginning of the narrative and the one his sons know. Both Jayce and YuJing feel indebted to him and speak highly of his personal values. We see that there is a strong dissonance between the man he appears to be and the persona he puts on in public, the social values he adheres to in order to maintain his status and advises others to learn, and his personal values that he covertly promotes. More detail on this dissonance in Rand a previous analysis here .
Likewise, as we learn more about Alyssa we see a similar dissonance form. Both Rand and Alyssa, due to their circumstances in childhood, are attempting to infiltrate a social order that they did not feel born into, that they are not entitled to, that they must earn and uphold a place in. Whatever they personally feel and value has to be put aside in favor of the social order, as otherwise they will be ousted and lose the security society offers. We see the foundation of this philosophy with Alyssa in middle school. Alyssa, at this point in her life, expresses anger at the way her personal values are misaligned from that of her peers. The most ironic example of the conflict between Alyssa’s personal values is the jump from her admiration of scientific trailblazers/composers and incredibly angry vent about how she hates k-pop and does she have to like it to fit in, why can’t her peers like classical music to when we meet her as an idol in a newly debuted girl group, putting aside everything else in order to work and focus on her career. She becomes a trainee within about a year of the Shinlyssa event, and this close timeline plus the way Alyssa appears to be miserable every time we see her alone, her groupmates commenting that she drinks before every performance, and neglects their rehearsals indicate that this personal value never changed, but Alyssa prioritized the social value over her personal value. She reflects similar social values to the ones Rand initially imparts on his sons - conform to society, develop a good reputation, elevate your status, abide by what authorities tell you, be the good doll society expects you to be. She, too, wears this persona in public very well, with those “closest” to her believing that she is all in on the social values she promotes, that she is ultimately winning and receiving what she wants, that she has forsaken her personal values from long ago. While both Alyssa and Rand do put significant emphasis on their social values, we see their personal values covertly slip through and the dissonance that the conflict between their personal and social values creates.
In addition to these personal dissonance, we see the conflict between personal and social values degrade their genuine relationships and bolster shallow ones, as well as suppress their authentic selves. For Rand, we watch him lose his love with Nessa as he aligns himself closer with Yui and becomes favored amongst the Hiraharas, miss out on the ability to be a father to both of his sons, become isolated and cold, lose the version of himself that Nessa told Nol of to the point where Kousuke wonders why he never did enough to earn the right to meet him and Nol wonders if his mother was lying to him to protect him. For Alyssa, we watch her abandon her friendship with Shin-Ae for the social security of the popular girls, lose and never truly build her relationships with Nol, Dieter, and Soushi for Yui’s endorsement and the idol world, and strain her relationship with Meg in the pair’s festering envy, ending up isolated aside from the cold, conditional relationships of her groupmates, Yui, Gun, and the entertainment world’s “investors” and “fans.” While these shallow relationships keep Rand and Alyssa safe from the initial threats they were avoiding (poverty, bullying), they both lose genuine love and self along the way, leading into a path more treacherous than what they originally tried to save themselves from, experiencing abuse from and becoming trapped in these relationships they once thought would provide safety, riddled along the way with regret over the relationships they sacrificed. Alyssa and Rand share a story of losing yourself for security and status, becoming isolated from genuine love, unable to escape, unable to protect yourself or anyone else, hurting others unintentionally along the way, abused by who and what you thought would protect you, left miserable and regretful and trapped.
Third Options & Hidden Intentions
Understanding how Rand and Alyssa’s similar circumstances mirror each other still begs the question - why did they make those specific choices? While after the fact we can view both of their choices as a definitive ‘one over the other’ of abandoning their genuine needs and real relationships to chase their ambitions and perceived needs of security in social status, we get the indication from the limited perspective we have into their mindsets at the time that they did not think they were making one or the other choices. Both Rand and Alyssa appear to be people who thought that they wouldn’t actually have to choose, that they could create a third option, that they have a master plan and at the end everything will be okay. But that isn’t how it actually works.
For Rand, we see that he did leave Nessa at first, married Yui to chase his ambitions, thought that physical security was what he needed and prioritized raising himself through society above all else. But we all see in 249 that he came back, that while she says he deceived her he said that he wasn’t lying at the time and believed what he said. Rand, at this point, seems to have been motivated by wanting to continue his love with Nessa, while also being a father to Kousuke, and not leaving behind everything he built with Yui. He wanted to have his entire family. In his perspective, if he leaves Yui to be with Nessa then Kousuke is left alone with abusive Yui, but if he leaves Nessa to be with Kousuke then Nessa is left alone and they both lose this love. Based on the implication that the way Rand lied to Nessa was making her believe they could build a true life together, Yui and Rand’s separation, Rand saying that he can’t leave his son, and redacted images of Rand with a different engagement ring than Yui’s, I interpret it that Rand kept trying to leave Yui and be able to take Kousuke with him, potentially also keep at least some of what he earned in business throughout his life, and then build that new life with Nessa, naively believing that it would be possible. However, at two points we see Rand starkly confronted with reality - the conception of Nol, and the death of Nessa. It is at these points that realizes he can’t keep everything and makes the definitive choices to prioritize his social values, letting go of what he was trying so hard to keep, as he thinks that will be safest for everyone. Except, in the fallout, those he dragged into the game with him lost and he unknowingly sealed everyone’s fate.
In regards to Alyssa, we can see a similar trend. Back in middle school, we watch Alyssa gradually pull away from Shin-Ae, culminating in the balcony incident. Alyssa begins pulling away from Shin-Ae in pursuit of that perceived safety and security, letting go of a genuine friend in exchange for the acceptance of the popular girls. However, we see in this process that Alyssa covertly does attempt to keep her relationship with Shin-Ae, in a way that will eventually garner acceptance for both of them. When giving away the project, she thought that she could make everyone happy because she and Shin-Ae could remake their project, meaning that by giving the original away and letting the other girl get a good grade too, everyone wins. When seeking acceptance from the popular girls she initially believed that acceptance for herself would mean acceptance for Shin-Ae too by proximity - and when this proved false, she continued to see Shin-Ae in private for some time. However, similar to Rand, Alyssa had a moment where it became apparent that keeping everything was impossible, particularly in the combination of Shin-Ae’s reaction to the project being stolen, and the amplification of the bullying to include Alyssa’s sexuality, both of which solidified that Alyssa wouldn’t be able to gain social acceptance for both of them. Similar to how Rand tells Nessa that he needs her to live and she can’t do that with him, Alyssa tells Shin-Ae that she is strong and will have Min-Hyuk, while Alyssa is not strong. Like how Rand continued to send Nessa money and be involved in her life without raising suspicions from the Hiraharas, Alyssa actually continues to try to protect Shin-Ae, deflecting negative conversations about her, encouraging the other girls to walk away and leave her alone, and trying to stop the bullies from throwing away Shin-Ae’s stuff. When she’s doing this her words often sound harsh, but if you look at the effect of her behavior it becomes apparent that she’s playing the social game, getting people to leave Shin-Ae alone without outright saying that. This even reflects Rand’s neglect of his sons, often encouraging them to behave in the ways he believes will be safest for them in cruel ways so that no one can glean that he cares. Alyssa abandoned Shin-Ae and was unkind to her when you take her words at face value, but ultimately intended to protect her through those same cold behaviors.
It’s also interesting to note that both of these scenarios are ultimately a case of forbidden and secret love conflicting with safety and security. While Alyssa’s romantic feelings for Shin-Ae were unreciprocated, she ultimately pulled away because she realized that she was not allowed to be both in love with Shin-Ae and socially accepted - similar to how Rand left his love with Nessa behind for the social ascension of the Hiraharas. Additionally, while both the characters around them and readers are inclined to believe that Rand and Alyssa’s motivation for chasing their ambitions is the chase of social acclaim and power, the reality is that (due to the circumstances of their childhood) both of these individuals believe that security and safety lays in climbing the social hierarchy - and to climb the social ladder you must put aside your own self for the light at the end of the tunnel.
In the end, we know that what Rand and Alyssa really needed was the genuine, unconditional love, acceptance, and emotional support they left behind, but both of them could only see so far ahead. Could only see within the constraints of their experiences. Tried to create a third option that blew up in their face instead of choosing between two undesirables and, when eventually forced to choose, would realize all too late the reality of the choice they made. Individuals on a quest for personal security thinking they could make another choice that would be better - and that being impossible. It was through their efforts to not hurt those they cared about that they ended up hurting them. You can not choose an option that will work for everyone, that will provide everything, and that is how they ended up hurting people - including themselves.
Knowing that both Rand and Alyssa are characters doomed by the narrative, people who will not break their cycles, who become seeped in regret and misery, we come to examine what was the point of no return for them. Even with all of the variables detailed above, it’s not enough to truly trap them, to the point where even if they realize what it is they really need and want there’s not much they can do, that they can not break the bonds that bind them.
For both Rand and Alyssa, this was really the point of no return. If we reflect back on their choices, pretty much everything retains a true out point that they could take at almost any moment before Yui enters the picture. For Alyssa, though her choices in middle school culminated in the Shinlyssa incident, her life didn’t change drastically. She lost Shin-Ae and middle school was gone, but so were the bullies and she was back home. Hadshe not eventually met Yui, she would not have become an idol, would not have become indebted, would not have become trafficked. She likely would have continued to endure that abusive home before eventually going off to college, pursuing a path in STEM. She would have been offered a space away from home where she could find herself, feel safe, learn that it’s okay to be herself, come out of hiding, make real, deep, trusting friendships once she’s able to trust others with herself. Gradually experience what being yourself is like in a safe way. Possibly with more mistakes and wrong choices and messiness along the way, but nothing that seals your fate like meeting Yui does, nothing that a person can’t learn from and come back from. That meeting with Yui took that possibility away from her. Both fundamentally altering her life path and manipulating Alyssa even further to solidify all of the deceptive beliefs she carried from her home. Even if she does get the opportunity for those realizations and changes in the future, so much has happened to her and is going to happen to her that can never be undone. She can’t erase her public notoriety, her trainee debt, the years of suppressing yourself and playing a role, the mounding trauma of experiencing abuse and exploitation in the entertainment industry after a lifetime of domestic violence, the complete isolation from everyone who could care about you, the years of following a life path that you never wanted. Meeting Yui dramatically changed her life trajectory, and brings her to a point where even if she starts making different choices, it’s too late to truly escape.
Similarly, Rand’s trajectory was sealed the moment he married Yui. Rand’s binding to Yui is sealed by law, more so than a normal marriage as Mukoyoshi law requires Yui’s family’s permission to separate. He forfeited autonomous control of any of his assets and became both a powerful businessman and a tool of the Hirahara family. If Rand leaves, he loses both the financial security he built for himself, the way he worked his way up from nothing gone in an instant, and access to the only family he has as leaving Yui means leaving Kousuke (as well as his adoptive Hirahara family). However, in staying he has already lost that family, unable to be a father to Kousuke as Yui drives that wedge, unable to be a father to Nol as caring for him puts him in direct danger, unable to be with Nessa both because it puts her in danger and puts himself at risk of destitution. Once he signed his livelihood over to the Hiraharas and married Yui, the only choices left all amount to wrong, and in the end it costs him no matter what he does. Rand right now is searching and fighting for a way out that will secure the safety and livelihoods of his sons - but it may very well cost him his life.
As Rand said, “like a finger trap you can’t get out of… she’s never going to give you up.”
Quimchee, thus far, has written these characters who fall into their cycles where they think they let go of something at first because they don't realize that it's what they need, and then by the time they do realize it they try to make another option another way out and it's not possible. At that point they have to make a choice, but now things are at the point where they can't. And, when they do try, everything is either too little, too late or requires an extreme self-sacrifice. The day to day decisions they make after that point are still their own, but their overall trajectory and the realities of their fate, the bonds that bind them, the constraints of their reality were all sealed.
In writing Rand, Yui, Nol, and Alyssa, Quimchee subverted her original mirrored pairs to present Nol & Yui, and Rand & Alyssa. Nol and Yui become mirrored in the trajectory of a person denied everything and put down for the circumstances of their birth, later going on to fight for their ability to live their life the way they feel they deserve live it, to take for themselves what they’ve wanted and attempt to destroy what destroyed them. While Rand and Alyssa are a mirrored pair of those who don’t escape their cycles, marked by their similarly unsecure childhoods, attempt to chase stability through ambitions, dissonance of personal and social values, juxtaposition of hidden intentions vs dramatic impacts, loss of self for security and status, futile attempts to create third options, and trajectories sealed by a deal with the devil.
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