Also, Tumblr was my biggest exposure to Islam ever and typically I associate those two things with each other in my head and heart in a very loving way

roma★

blake kathryn
we're not kids anymore.

if i look back, i am lost

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Not today Justin
Sade Olutola
RMH

ellievsbear
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
hello vonnie
Today's Document
YOU ARE THE REASON
Monterey Bay Aquarium
styofa doing anything

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trying on a metaphor
Jules of Nature
$LAYYYTER
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@winged-seeds
Also, Tumblr was my biggest exposure to Islam ever and typically I associate those two things with each other in my head and heart in a very loving way
Life is bizarre. And so is my relationship with this blog. I think I have been back once every year or two for the past two years and said “I’m back for good this time, nice to see everyone again” but never seem to stick with it. Commitment issues much? Haha. I think when it all goes beyond the here and now, I try to ground myself in what formed me in the past. This blog, looking back on everything I shared in days past (woah), and all the wonderful souls I connected with is such a grounding feeling. My time here all that time ago made a lot of who I am today. Writing and journaling has been that constant link to it in a way. Even as I was looking at my bio here I realized how damn different I sounded some years ago. I’m the same person, but so many new experiences have happened since then. I have learned and experienced things I never would have thought imaginable... And here I am. A product of it. 25 years after my birth.
Last time I came on here I was building and managing a farm in the jungles of Panama. Shortly after that time I left the jungle, finishing my task there, and made my way to near Asheville, North Carolina. Here I have been raising sheep for the past two years. I sort of let my soul lead me to raising sheep and gosh...what a journey it has been. I feel like I have connected with something so innately real in my soul that goes so deep, or even likened to that of feeling connected to a past life. I picked up the art of being shepherd right away like if I had done it for decades, according to my peers. My greatest joy was waking up in the middle of nights this past winter to see if any lambs had been born. It was always like a treasure hunt... any new ones? twins, triplets, quadruplets? What color? What gender? Do they look like either their mother or father? Gosh... and now I have 70something sheep. How did I get here? To be so bonded and attached to these hooved characters. I know them all by name and personality. And they know me so damn well... they have known me better than anyone else these past two years deep in the coves of these mountains.
And my lovely little Anissa, my farm dog. My best friend. I always refer to her as my “daughter”, mi hijita. Never leaves my side, intuitively communicates with me like nothing ever has before. Maybe I’ll drop a few pictures of her here too. I don’t know if anyone that follows me still uses this site, but gosh it feels good to come back here every now and then.
As I was walking yesterday I was smoking a cigarette I had just rolled and reminisced on all the cigarettes I was offered and smoked in Palestine..more than I had ever in my life. I felt a blue tinge to my surroundings and suddenly strongly imagined the romantic hardiness of Tolstoy and Thoreau living alone during harsh winter blizzards in their idyllic cottages. They probably sat inside with a lantern writing and pondering life... Two ape descendants alone during harsh winters penning out their mind.
My face in a rested state
It has been so long. My hair and time
I was playing with Omar the cat in Falasteen. And by the way, I finally was able to visit Palestine... what unbelievable magic there is
I'm really feeling that this time I will commit to continue blogging. It has been so long. I have so much I want to write... You might remember me as understandtheuniverse
I came to take back what they took from us
Some years before my birth both of my parents emigrated to the United States in search of a more secure life as they had heard existed there. They met at a party in Philly, two lost people looking to settle in a new, exciting, yet unforgiving and brutal land. They mapped it all out in just a few months of being together and found in each other both a piece from back home and a piece of the unknown.
Some years later they had me.. I was born in to the same world they were simultaneously creating and trying to survive in. I remember my first childhood memory of being left in my stroller alone for just a few minutes from inside the house.. facing the wide open front door, the light blasted in without any person's silhouette to comfort me. Hence my first childhood memory was made, eyes wide open looking outside and lonely. It defined one of the first things that life in the states took from me and my family.
In their respective homelands my parents grew up running through streets and fields with large groups of kin their age. My mother and her friends would anger the bulls and then run away as they were chased and laughing the whole way. My father would stay in the forest with his friends and tell stories the whole weekend while picking on the only guy who was still single.
In the states the visits to friends slowly waned, the warmth of groups slowly became the cold of solitude. A Christmas Eve dinner in a full house soon became a kitchen revolving door snack without the least electricity of legs sitting near each other. No more kicking under the tables. No more lame prayers. The family no longer ate together. We all became some part in a machinery for work or education. Family time was in the way of that.
Who is knocking on the door? Don't open the door! Don't even go near it. No one even called us to tell us they were coming. "Why not? Remember back home? Our doors were always wide open. Any visitor just had to walk in" Now we have an iron fence and security cameras. An alarm dings 'armed' at night when the last person goes to sleep after scrolling through the internet for too many hours.
From the stroller, looking out to the door for the rest of my life, I watched my family slowly become engulfed in the separateness. The cheek kisses.
My grandmother's eyes watered as I packed my bags to leave the states "You will be missed in this household. You are so important to me." I love you dearly. I need to go. I need to go take back what this place took from us. I cannot wait anymore. I don't know if I can keep going if I don't go now. Mother, father, I love you. Soon enough I will capture it, in my chest, I'll bring it back for you... you'll see.
Some months later I find myself working the land. The forest is my daily commute, the river my bathtub, the sun my alarm, the moon my calendar, the warm smiles of my people, the most beautiful faces I have met, development in raw flesh, political discourse without saliva, the dorsal spine of the world is the mountain range, a thatched palm basket carrying hundred pounds of seeds to make a living, I work like a brute but with pride.. The verses of my one favorite song ingrained in my mind 'Latinoamerica', the anthem that keeps me going everyday. The warmth is here and I have it.
"Mom,dad, you'll retire in five years.. Let's get a piece of earth worth the effort. Let's do it. Let's take it all back" "I'm proud of you"
I don’t know if this is arabic, farsi, or urdu sadly. Can anyone tell me what it says there? A friend of mine is very curious
Is that Sheina next to you in the photo you last posted? If so, that might explain how I came to follow you long ago.
That’s my friend Carla in Panama unless if she goes by another name but I don’t think she uses tumblr. I wonder what the explanation is, then
Here I am having a good laugh. Ever since I began living and farming in Panama something really beautiful has refreshed and healed itself inside me
I wonder how many people here remember me. I lowkey remember a bunch of you but I don’t want to creepily send you a message after like 4 years of being away from tumblr so maybe send me a message instead?
This is the river that runs through the farm. Weather permitting, I bathe here everyday. The little fish bite off my scabs and ticks. I live near the head of this river. I once traveled down to one of the villages later by the river and I introduced myself to one of the villagers. He urged me to protect the river from up there and keep it free from contamination so that everyone below can keep enjoying clean water for living and farming.. I will protect this river, yes.
La voz del Viento - Semillas de transición This documentary is so so personal to me. It really captures the essence of my relationship to agriculture and where I see my life with it going.
This is the farm in Panama or at least a little part of it.
I’m back
I have cleaned my blog after a 4+ year hiatus and want to start fresh. I think this will be so great for me to organize my writing, thoughts, and experiences like I used to. You’re probably thinking “who is this guy..?” I used to go by understandtheuniverse all that time ago. I ended up going to university, studying Agroecology, worked on and ran a couple of farms, graduated, and just recently I moved to Panama to run an organic fruit and vegetable farm. I like it in Panama. Life is just taking me places as I farm and explore agrobiodiversity as an anti-capitalist means of cultural preservation. So much has happened these past four years...good and bad but here I am today, a conglomerate of every experience and person I have come across. It’s nice to be back. I’ll be posting pictures soon.