certified jaehee kang lovebot and enjoyer of various medias
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#juncomms - excerpts from my commissions, as well as showcasing artists i've commissioned!
#junwrites - writing stuff!
#mysme, #kangpilled, #zenpilled, #ranpilled, #sungpilled, #sevpilled, #vpilled, #rikapilled, #vandypilled - all mystic messenger related tags. take a guess as to which character is who lmao
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#sdv, #harvtron, #ellbot, #haylbot - stardew valley tags!
an excerpt from a commission drabble for Anonymous! Thank you!
NOTE: I know the last time I posted an excerpt from my commission in this fandom, it ended in me being harassed by a certain user in my comments, inboxes and tags, who has also made multiple accounts to follow me despite being blocked. Please note that this is a commission and I am not involved or related to this fandom in anyway. However, I still want to post this as part of my portfolio.
Wally x Anon's OC (Who will be mentioned as Y/N)
It had been a week or so of (Y/N) working for Wally when it happened.
The alarm had gone off at exactly 4:30 AM. Wally groans, rolling around like a caterpillar as he yanks the sheets over his head in an attempt to quiet it down. Of course, it didn’t work.
Instead, what replaced the chime of his phone alarm was his ringtone. An extra annoying reminder of how he needed to be awake.
Another groan persists. In the sheen of his early morning fogginess, he squints when he tries to make out the caller ID, the light blaring into his senses.
Secretary (L/N).
He knows what this is about. He almost wants to sob dramatically.
“Hullo?” Wally mumbles, finally picking it up.
“Finally,” he hears her say on the line, already wide awake and alert. “Get up. You have a shooting in an hour. If we’re lucky, we can get there five minutes early.”
“Mhm.”
“I know you’re still going to sleep for another twenty minutes,” (Y/N) says. “So I’m heading to your apartment now. You better open the door.”
“Uhuh– wait, what?”
“I’m waiting for the elevator. See you.” Beep.
Wally does nothing for a moment, merely stares at his phone in disbelief. His mind is finally gathering its senses, or at least trying to, as (Y/N)’s caller ID blinks back at him. Smart, he thinks, even though he’s already annoyed.
She’s nothing like his last secretary – she’s to the dot, extremely blunt. It’s always her way or no way at all.
He grumbles a final time before grabbing a shirt on the floor, shrugging it on. Just in time, the doorbell rings, and he knows he only has about ten seconds before she starts banging on the door and shouting his name.
Wally runs – not even looking at himself in the mirror, his hair in disarray – and swings open the door. Of course, (Y/N) looks prim and perfect, not a hair out of place. Her eyebrows are furrowed, unimpressed, as he leans casually on the door frame.
“Hey,” he greets, before she decides to invite herself in without even acknowledging his existence.
“Well, good morning to you too,” he mumbles before heading in.
It takes them about thirty minutes before they head out. If it were up to (Y/N), it would’ve taken them only ten.
Still, they’re in traffic now, waiting in the red light with the sunrise glowing through the windshield. (Y/N) taps her fingers impatiently on the steering wheel, the early morning quiet filling in the silence.
Wally’s seat is pulled back, a hoodie over his head, hands in the pockets.
“You know,” he says after a yawn, “normal people don’t function before sunrise.”
“Well lucky for you,” (Y/N) replies, not even missing a bit. “I’m not normal. And you aren’t too.”
“Wow,” he chuckles. “That sounded affectionate. Too affectionate for you.”
“Whatever the hell that means,” (Y/N) mumbles.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.” The light turns green.
Eventually, they drive through the empty lot where the trailers are parked, studio buildings towering into view. Suddenly, the car stops, almost making him yelp.
“Whu- what?” Wally exclaims, suddenly taken aback. “What happened?”
(Y/N) doesn’t respond. Her focus is on somewhere else entirely – his eyes follow hers, revealing the expanse of sky beyond the buildings, where the clouds begin to split for the morning sun, a flurry of gold and yellow intertwining with the blue outstretched across their view. The light spills over everything they see, everything warm and fuzzy and tired.
(Y/N), for once, seems still. As if schedules were beyond her, as if nothing mattered.
As if she just wanted to stop and admire the sunrise, like someone normal. Like someone who had the world at her fingertips.
“Wait,” she says, simply. Like it’s supposed to make sense what they’re waiting for. But Wally can take a guess from the way her eyes shimmer in appreciation, her expression immediately softening. She rolls down the window for a moment, wind fluttering into the vehicle. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, the honeyed rays of morning sunlight pouring even more intensely over her features.
She looks calmer. Almost peaceful.
Wally opens his mouth, but immediately clamps it shut. Because now – he understands something terribly, horribly inconvenient. A fact that he’s been fearing ever since they first met on that dance floor, not even a month ago.
He stares at (Y/N) instead of the sky, and the only thing that crosses his mind is a word that entails everything he would rather not think about. Beautiful.
He is so fucking doomed.
“Huh,” Wally says. Catching himself before he even realizes he’s blushing. Now he’s smiling, hopelessly.
And unfortunately for him, they’re not alone. At least, as not-alone as you can be in the parking lot of a studio building.
Julie and Barnaby had also arrived early and were enjoying their morning coffee by the sunrise. And now, coincidentally, they were also enjoying the way Wally was staring at his new secretary like he was absolutely, positively whipped. As if (Y/N) herself hung the stars in the sky for him to enjoy.
A cluster of giggles run between the two as Julie brings up her phone to capture the occasion. She sends it to Barnaby, who sends it in the groupchat, who forwards it to the work chat.
By lunchtime, it’s posted online. By dinnertime, it’s on every corner of the internet.
i take yumeship / self-insert / ocxcanon comms! if you want one of your own, feel free to check out my comms post here or dm me!! <33
Worst thing about playing Jumin's route is having to disagree with Jaehee sometimes and not choosing every option that's like "Girl you're exploited ruuuuun"
She stays one of my favorites, I just want to sweep her away.
I love how tumblr users are still dragging around the corpse of this 12-year-old advertising campaign as a reminder to other companies not to try to advertise here.
Try to make money with tumblr and we will dance on the ruins of your attempt for a decade
Disclaimer. I am not an expert, I just happened to be another person who has BPD and who has loved Yoosung for years now and part of the reason is that I see myself in him. If you suspect having bpd then please talk about this to your therapist. Also Trigger warning for discussions of thoughts and act of ending one's own life
Introduction
This post is inspired by @hispartyinvite when they shared their headcannon of why they too think Yoosung has BPD in one of their asks and it inspired me to make a proper blog on it someday. So thank you Pyri for the inspiration.
Usually when people think of "BPD coded characters" they think of characters such as Anakin Skywalker, Jinx from Arcane and in the case of Mystic Messenger most people mainly talk about Saeran Choi. Now I wont refute the arguments of Saeran and everyone else I mentioned here having BPD but still usually when people mention "bpd coded characters" they usually mention characters who are usually antagonists or characters who have a propensity for violence.
And BPD is a highly stigmatised disorder. Most people assume that all people with BPD will abuse them or act violent towards them. Which is far from the truth. Many of us are more like Yoosung who love people too deeply sometimes to the detriment of our own well being and try our best to be kind and care a lot about others' wellbeing. Since I have loved Yoosung years before finding out that I have BPD so Yoosung is a very special fictional character for me in this regard
What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition characterized by pervasive patterns of instability in mood, self-image, and interpersonal relationships, as well as marked impulsivity. Fear of abandonment and chronic feelings of emptiness further compound the complexity of this disorder. Individuals with BPD often experience intense and rapidly shifting emotions, have difficulty regulating their emotions, and engage in impulsive behavior.
According to DSM 5 there are nine criteria for BPD. A person with BPD checks out at least five out of the nine criterias
1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two potentially self-damaging areas (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).
5. Recurrent thoughts and actions related to ending oneself or self-mutilating behavior.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and rarely more than a few days).
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
What symptoms does Yoosung have
To be considered having BPD as mentioned above one needs to atleast have five out of nine symptoms and Yoosung does tick off five or arguably more than five criteria in the list. Here are some of the symptoms I noticed in him
1.Fear of abandonment and frantic efforts to avoid it
Because Yoosung was so deeply attached to Rika, who used to be his FP (Favourite Person) after her supposed death he develops an intense fear of abandonment, especially when MC comes to the picture, as MC we need to constantly reassure him that we are not going to leave him and how much he is as equally important to us throughout his route. He is also somewhat prone to jealousy towards other members, fearing that we might end up leaving him for another member. Even in his After Ending which takes place years after his Good Ending he admits that he still fears MC leaving him.
2. Unstable sense of self
When Rika entered Yoosung’s life, he molded his entire self around her, he aspired to become a vet because he wants to make her happy, he applied for SKY university because Rika told him so, he became more charitable under Rika’s influence and set his entire life around her. Then when she was gone from his life, his whole life crumbled and he became directionless. And later when MC enters his life he starts to mould himself around her as well. Whatever MC says is set in stone for him, he agrees to everything MC says. He even openly tells MC that he wants to “become like clay” for her and let her mold him however she wants.
3. Idealisation and Devaluation (Unstable interpersonal relationship)
We see this very prominently in yoosung. He idealises Rika as some kind of angelic figure, a magician who spreads happiness to everyone, who is the kindest person he has ever known and who can do no wrong. That's why he compares MC with Rika, not because Yoosung harbors any incestuos feelings towards Rika but because he idealises Rika to the extent that for him comparing someone with Rika is the highest honor he can bestow upon someone. And at the same time he deeply devalues and despises Jihyun after Rika “dies” because he thinks Jihyun is responsible for Rika’s death and failed to be a good boyfriend to her. Even more so because Jihyun keeps avoiding him and hides things from him which makes Yoosung suspect his credibility. Yoosung also sometimes does this with his friends who he otherwise loves and cares deeply about. He trusts Seven with everything with every information he gives but when he hears about Seven talking to Jihyun he starts to suspect him. Yoosung loves and cherishes Zen but the moment Zen corrects his behaviour he starts getting insecure and starts to despise him before eventually forgiving him after realising that Zen is well intentioned.
4. Chronic feelings of emptiness
After Rika was gone from his life Yoosung dealt with chronic emptiness because of which he jumped from one hobby to another jumping from clubs to clubs. One of the main reasons Yoosung is addicted to playing LOLOL is because he wants to escape his chronic emptiness and avoid feeling consumed by it. Which is why he plays the game for several hours at stretch and has a hard time getting off it until MC enters his life and makes him feel more “fulfilled”
5. Emotional Dysregulation (instability due to marked reactivity of mood)
Throughout his route it is very clear that Yoosung is someone who feels his emotions to a high magnitude and has a hard time controlling them, especially without the help of his favourite person (which is MC in his route) he is prone to falling into debilitating depression. When he is happy he is extremely euphoric and when he is angry he has a hard time controlling it unless MC tells him to calm down. He starts to feel better when MC soothes his feelings and reassures him that he is not insane for feeling what he feels.
6. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
We specifically see this in Yoosung in Day 5 common route bad ending when the player fails to choose one of the three routes in Casual Story. Yoosung becomes paranoid about Seven and Jihyun secretly plotting against RFA and eventually goes into a state of psychosis claiming that everyone including himself is a robot and everything is unreal. Eventually Unknown takes advantage of Yoosung’s fragile mental state and kidnaps him.
7. Thoughts and acts of ending oneself
While it is not much discussed in the game. Yoosung is someone who has little to no regard for his own life, who is willing to sacrifice himself even if it means to get badly injured or losing his life for his loved ones. He has also expressed his thoughts of ending himself a few times in the game. When he eventually discovers Rika’s truth in Jihyun’s Route he claims that he wants to end himself. He also takes his own life in the Bad Ending 1 of his own route and in his After Ending he says that if MC leaves him he will “go to the river and cry” which pretty much means he will end himself.
Author’s note
Most people know that BPD is caused by trauma so it makes sense for a character like Saeran to develop BPD due to the immense trauma he has been through. So why did Yoosung who seemingly had a normal life develop BPD? Besides trauma, genetic factors are also responsible for BPD, which means that Yoosung was predisposed to develop it since birth. Yoosung grew up in a conservative Korean family and while his life was seemingly normal- his parents love him and never got divorced, he was a high achieving golden boy in school who even became the student body representative and was the top scorer of his school. Well Yoosung grew up under a lot of pressure of being his parents’ perfect son. Yoosung is a sensitive boy and boys are often shamed for being emotional. His parents definitely loved him but there are hints in the game that they were very controlling towards him. That's why while Yoosung himself loved his family he never felt emotionally close to them. And instead found solace in Rika who emotionally validated him. And when Rika “dies”, losing her was devastating in a multitude of ways because Rika was the first and only safe adult in Yoosung’s life after all.
