A CIRCUIT OF CONSCIOUNESS

I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT THEY TOLD ME. IND IKO LIHN FROM THE LUNAR CHRONICLES WRITTEN BY JINX

[wiresandnerves-blog]

tenccs:

   “oh my god. seriously, iko?” 

   sam rolls his eyes. as if this could be any more annoying than it already is. he holds a hand out again, putting all his focus and intent on making the electricity flow smoothly and slowly. this shouldn’t be so fucking hard. if he can blow out an entire building’s power systems he should be able to light up some christmas lights with ease. 

   the lights begin to glow again. “and in case you want to know i’m not premature. thanks.” a small grin curls at the corner of his lips. the lights begin to flicker at the distraction, but he quickly catches his attention again, lips pressed into a thin line. fuck. he can do this. 

   it takes effort to hold everything back, but eventually, after a lot of effort, the string of lights light up with only minor flickering. 

      “everyone is at least once. i’m sure you’ve been premature loads of time.” pun intended. sort of. she returns the grin, making sure she is just as annoying as possible right back at him. iko doesn’t care. he could hate her after all this, she’s still helping him isn’t she? 

       whether he likes it or not. 

       she watches the lights illuminate one by one, it’s slow, but it’s working. what’s the saying? slow and steady wins the race? or in this case, slow and steady doesn’t explode the christmas bulbs. 

       once they’re all lit up, iko claps, still sitting criss cross on the ground. “see? that wasn’t so hard was it? now you can stop whining all the time. it’s a win win.” she stands, going to grab a few more things. “you can stop lighting them up if you want.” 

[wiresandnerves-blog]

tenccs:

    his lips press into a thin line of irritation, blue eyes darkening when meeting her glare. after a moment of lingering behind like a petulant child he follows her down to where all the christmas lights are strung up. 

   “yes, ma’am,” he says with slight annoyance, but the facade drops as he turns to the lights. he can do this, right? easy peasy. he puts a hand out, feeling foolish while he does it, and the lights begin to come to life slowly, but he gets too overexcited too quickly and some of the small bulbs blow. his mouth falls open a bit and his hand drops in defeat. 

   “oh, for fuck’s sake.” 

    she watches him and she watches the lights, her chin resting on her palm with her elbow resting on her knee. it’s starts off go, but she can see where he tries to push it harder and everything just busts. iko’s expression doesn’t falter, she simply stands up and grabs the extra lights. she bought plenty for today. iko takes the broken ones and replaces them, handing the new ones to sam. “breathe.” 

     her hand comes to gently pat his cheek, nodding at him. it wasn’t going to be easy, but rarely things that are important are. she goes back to the center of the circle, sitting down. “don’t rush it. you’ll get there, but if you go to hard to fast then you’ll just cause an...premature reaction.” she grins. “no one likes premature.” 

[wiresandnerves-blog]

tenccs:

   december’s chill immediately seeps into his bones as they step outside, and he regrets not grabbing a jacket once he sees her sneaky set-up in the backyard. his arms fold across his chest as protection against the bitter air, cutting iko a still-steely glance. 

   “what? do you want me to do a little christmas decorating or something?” he shouldn’t be so snappy about this. after all, she kind of is going out of her way to help him out with this. sam shakes his head, brushing away the hair that falls into his eyes and lets his hands drop down despite the temperature. he lets electricity spark up again, crackling like a protective barrier around his hands. “or blow them up? that’d be more fun.” 

     iko doesn’t falter. she meets his steely glance with a steelier glarier one. she shifts her eyes to red for emphasis to. after that’s done, she turns forward and sighs. “your goal is to not blow them up.” he can be as snappy as he wants to be, she won’t go away. she moves to the middle of the arrangement, standing with her heels together and arms crossed. 

      “i want you to light them up slowly. not all at once, but gradually send your electricity through the currents. control. that’s what we want.” she takes a seat on the ground, not feeling the cold on the grass or the air. “without touching them.” 

[wiresandnerves-blog]

tenccs:

   his expression deepens into a scowl the minute she starts rolling her eyes and only grows as he listens to her talk. it stings because she’s right no matter how much he tries to convince himself otherwise. sam drags a hand through his hair with frustration before dropping it back down into his lap. he’s never even once thought about the possibility of one day having a kid who might turn out to be mutant. it seems like something he needs to be terrified of, too. 

   “i’m not scared of myself. i’m….” he doesn’t really know what. maybe she’s right. maybe he is scared. he knows he can blow out entire building’s electricity. he knows he can stop someone’s heart. he knows he doesn’t have much control over either of those things. that’s terrifying. 

   “fuck. fuck you, iko. i’ve got enough trouble trying to deal with myself let alone a theoretical kid i’m going to have one day.     alright, genius. since you’re so smart how about you tell me what the hell i’m supposed to do?” 

     she smiles in victory, even with his insult and scowl. sometimes coddling just doesn’t do the trick. sometimes you gotta be a little harsh and in this case it worked. she supposes sam thinks she doesn’t have an answer, but she does. iko thought about this before even coming over. 

       “practice. obviously.” she taps her head. “i went ahead and did a little research about electricity, how it conducts and what it’s used for. i’ve come up with a few scenarios for us to try out.” she gestures for him to get up, to follow her outside. iko went out and bought a lot of christmas lights and different things to use as targets. she figured they’d be better off with starting off with something small. 

      just to get him hyped up. hopefully, at least. “we can start by controlling where you focus your electricity and how much you put into it. charging your phone is a pretty good parlor trick, but i think you can do better than that.” 

[wiresandnerves-blog]

tenccs:

   it sounds like a complete load of shit to him. what’s there to understand? he can manipulate electricity; that’s all there is to it, right? just talking about this is making him hyperaware of the sharp tingle racing through his veins. idly, he rubs at his forearm, glancing over at iko when her hand drops onto his shoulder. 

   “use them for what? like, it’s how i charge my phone but that’s about as practical as it’s going to get.” his nose wrinkles and he gives his arm a squeeze like that’ll make the tingle go away. “and i don’t see how it’s going to make me understand myself. i already get myself. there’s not much there.” 

      she literally rolls her eyes. literally. they dissapear under her eyelids and come back up from her lower lash line. it’s needed to show how she really feels about sam’s attitude. “is that what you do? you ask for help, and then when someone wants to give them it to you you just shoot down them like this? that kinda sucks.” lucky, or unlucky, for him, iko is persistent. she continues to stand here, hands now firmly pressed onto her hips. 

      “okay mister grouchy pants, how about this? what happens when you have a kid some day and they’re a mutant? what are you gonna tell them? ‘oh well dad never learned how to control his powers so tough luck.’” iko doesn’t know if sam will be a dad ever, but she figures it’s something to think about. “you wanna live your whole life scared of yourself, or do you wanna get off your ass and help yourself for once?” 

[wiresandnerves-blog]

tenccs:

    “at this point, like, i don’t see the point.” 

   he drags his eyes down from the ceiling to his hand. sparks jump from his fingers, crackling around his hand harmlessly. it’s pretty to look at, but useless in every other regard. flipping his hand around he forms a small ball of electricity floating in the middle of his palm. his skin tingles slightly as he does it. “it’s not like i ever use my fucking powers anyway.” his expression darkens and the ball crackles into nothingness. “i don’t think they’re good for anything except being a lab rat.” 

// @wiresandnerves

        “and that’s where you’re wrong.” 

     if you have something like that, why not use it? or at least, practice using it. iko has many talents. many artificial ones that she’s downloaded in her brain, but still talents. skills to be trained and honed on to until you’re not scared of it anymore. which is what she thinks sam is. afraid of his own powers. “you need to at least understand it. maybe that’ll help you, you know, understand yourself. everyone needs to do that.” she smiles, patting sam on the shoulder. “and maybe you’ll need them one day. and hey, it is pretty cool.” 

[vhsmeme]

* soft angst starters

‘ stay with me tonight? ’

‘ don’t talk. save your strength. ’

‘ hey, i’ve got you. it’s okay. ’

‘ i’ll be right here. don’t worry. ’

‘ i think we’re done. ’

‘ hold my hand. ’

‘ it’s all been a lie, hasn’t it? ’

‘ we’re out of time. ’

‘ you’ll always be a friend. ’

‘ just hold me. ’

‘ i have to leave you behind. i’m sorry. ’

‘ don’t do that. it’ll only hurt. ’

‘ go on, cry. ’

‘ keep your eyes open. ’

‘ can i hug you? ’

‘ i trusted you. ’

‘ do you remember? ’

‘ i loved you. ’ 

[wiresandnerves-blog]

i’m sorry that i care      it’s not really that fair

                                 I CAN’T HELP BUT CARE

[wiresandnerves-blog]

i’m sorry that i care      it’s not really that fair

                                 I CAN’T HELP BUT CARE

[brittany-murphy]

[zoecravitz]

Bonnie. Bonnie! Can I talk to you for just a second. Couple of things, I’m happy that Abigail has bonded with your mother. Thrilled about the communal potato peeling thing but when it comes to my daughters social recreational life particularly if it concerns medications that will permanently effect her reproductive organs, will you just kick that little can of worms over to me? Do you understand? I do. And should Skye come to me ten years down the road and ask for a little lift to Planned Parenthood, I would give you that courtesy call first. Thanks.

[wiresandnerves-blog]

tenccs:

   she might be one of the first people to ever say the S-Word around him. it’s almost a little shocking, but the idea of not doing drugs isn’t something he can even wrap his mind around.  

   “you know what else would help? minding your own business. everybody’s got their fucking vices.” if he wasn’t in the teetering on the precipice of full blown withdrawals he’d be a little bit easier to talk to, but all he can focus on is how goddamn shitty he feels. “and i’m not going to die. jesus. you don’t have to be so dramatic.” 

         “not everyone does heroin.” iko might be one of the only people who isn’t afraid to say this in front of sam. it’s really because she cares and she doesn’t care about his rock star image. you can still be a great musician without the drugs. iko realizes that it’s a tricky slope and not as simple to just quit, but someone has to say it. 

           she gives him a look. “maybe not today, but you could easily die. your just one mistake away from overdosing one day.”

[frontseatpocket]

HAYLEY KIYOKO - FEELINGS (2017)

♪  i’m hooked on all these feelings / i know exactly what i’m feeling / this love asylum, like an island, just me and you / spent the night, you got me high, oh what did you do?  ♪

[wiresandnerves-blog]

tenccs:

   he crosses his arms over his chest like that’ll stop the chill racing through his body and sniffs. all the while he’s shooting her a death glare. “yeah, like i said: i know what you’re fucking thinking.” this is a terrible look. he knows it, she knows, fucking everyone knows it, and finding a hookup in a new city is a nightmare if you’ve never been here before. he’s got a lead on one guy but who knows if he’ll even come through. 

   all sam can do is obsessively check his phone and wait. 

   “and i’m working on it,” he says, snapping at her as he reaches for his phone to check if the, quote-unquote, dealer has gotten back to him yet. nope. nothing. “i’ll be fine for the show.” 

       “you know what would help? sobriety.” she frowns at him, not even fazed by his glare. iko is here because she was in town and she’s friends with the band, more so kyle than anything. iko always liked the drummers a little better. it seems like everyone here knows what sam’s issue is, but no one is going to bring it up. 

      afraid of the tantrum he might throw? or they just don’t wanna bring it up in fear of awkwardness? 

      “just saying. you wouldn’t worry about finding the drugs, or whethere or not you were gonna die       “ a shrug, as iko brings out her phone. 

[wiresandnerves-blog]

forgeriies:

he’s pacing because every single elevator scene in every horror movie ever is racing through his mind. he’s expecting the metal death drop to drop all twenty floors any second now. 

“how am i supposed to sit down when this is basically the plot of a final destination movie?” he’s only half-joking, eyes warily flickering upwards to the ceiling, listening for the telltale sound of a wire snapping. he’s going to die before he ever gets to the party. he’s going to die before he gets to roll on molly for one last time and it’s been ages. 

“how are you so calm?” 

iko waves her hand at him, pulling up her camera to snap a quick selfie. if anything, it’ll make for a hilarious snapchat story. she’s already thinking of what filters she wants to put on. “because it’s only been eight minutes?” the staff has already been informed so now they’re just waiting. though, iko would rather be at the party. who wouldn’t? 

she takes another picture, examining it and adjusting the mass of braids on top of her hair. 

“if it was like an hour, sure i’d be freaking out, but this is fine. it happens.” iko pats the ground next to her. “come and take a selfie with me.” 

[wiresandnerves-blog]

tenccs:

   he’s… well, strung out would be putting it lightly. he’s beyond strung out territory right now and he needs to get his shit together before the show tonight. he’s cold in the los angeles heat, a heathens hoodie zipped all the way up, fingers clutching onto a wad of kleenex to try and stop his nose from constantly dripping. 

    it’s failing. the worst part is that everyone in his circle knows what’s wrong with him, knows that he needs a hit before he can even think about functioning. 

   “stop fucking looking at me like that,” he says angrily in the most halfhearted way possible as he lights a cigarette. “i know what you’re thinking.”  

// @wiresandnerves

       “do you?” iko frowns at him, sitting down in a chair with a look of concern and judgement on his face. she’s concerned because he looks like death warmed over, but judgemental because she knows why he looks like that. iko doesn’t think him any less of a person for doing drugs, but she does think it’s a stupid choice to make. 

        especially being so famous. one bad press can lead to the entire downfall of your career. ( well, maybe not for men, anyways. ) 

        “because i’m thinking you look like you’re about to die and you have a show in less than six hours.” 

[wiresandnerves-blog]

@forgeriies / SEND A SYMBOL FOR A CORRESPONDING STARTER. / ACCEPTING. [ ✪ ] our muses are stuck in an elevator together.

being stuck in an elevator isn’t what has iko upset, it’s the fact that she’s missing one of the biggest parties ever. they’re so close, two floors away actually. she’s sitting on the floor, legs out and crossed with her dress pulled down as much she could. she has her phone out, looking and refreshing her instagram feed over and over to see all the stories from the party. 

she sighs. “this blows.” she looks up at her elevator buddy, frowning as he paces. “that’s gonna make it get unstuck. you should just sit down and we can watch youtube videos or something.”