Lenù just makes my chest hurt. I can’t explain it properly but sometimes when she’s narrating her inner thoughts it makes me cry a little even if it’s nothing too sad. just the sense of confusion, and being unable to put together all the pieces of your life and make sense of them, unable to plan ahead. it feels so murky and it’s so painfully relatable. I think part of growing up is the element of control - over pretty much everything. what you eat, what you wear, what you say, how you look, how you present yourself - and when you’re young, it’s sort of a massive destabilising part of your life yknow, it’s a real source of insecurity, feelings of inadequacy and real profound sadness, aimlessness - because no matter what you do you’re not really in control, so how can you know that you’re really yourself, that you know who you are at all?
I also think (and really hope) that as you get older, that feeling will fade. Slowly, sure, but what better time to learn who you are than when you are finally a person in your own right? Finally in control?
I hope to see her learn what SHE cares about, what she likes and what she wants from the world - not what Lila wants, or what she thinks is the right thing to go along with. I can understand her, i’m not saying at all it’s wrong or silly of her - It seems to me that wanting to feel caught up with the people you love, in the same place and on the same path is the safest and most natural thing for a teenager to want. I hope that as time goes on she will realise what she wants from life is hers to define, and hers to take.
I haven’t got so far in the book or in my own life to say this for sure - but i’m excited to see Lenù grow into herself, truly. It gives me hope.
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