a throwaway

I don’t want these things to post on main

[wishinginvisibility]

I fucking hate you. I wish I could love the version of you that should have existed.

[wishinginvisibility]

I want it to be winter again

[wishinginvisibility]

it hurts. it should hurt more.

[wishinginvisibility]

OHHH MYY GODDD FUCK OFFFFF ITS BEEN WEEKS KNOCK IT OFFF

[wishinginvisibility]

head hurts :(

[wishinginvisibility]

One thing I did not wish to wake up to at 8 in the morning is all three of my cats around the fireplace, with a bird trapped inside of it. Again. This is like the tenth bird to have done this. These birds are so goddamn stupid why do they keep falling down my chimney istg

[wishinginvisibility]

I wanna do things that would probably make people worry about me

[wishinginvisibility]

yay I finished something for once

[wishinginvisibility]

finished another thing

success. for now

[wishinginvisibility]

something so nice about overcast days. maybe it’s the melancholic feeling I get from them.

[wishinginvisibility]

yay I finished something for once

[wishinginvisibility]

I wonder if any of them would notice

[wishinginvisibility]

I don’t want to get better because if I do get better I’ll start to fear mortality and death. And I don’t know if I can handle that anxiety for the rest of my life

[wishinginvisibility]

I never know what to do with myself after I finish a short term project. Like I just finished a painting and I genuinely don’t know what to do next, I’m just sitting here. It’s too early for bed and too late to start another project.

[wishinginvisibility]

I like having a blog with no following or interaction because it’s like posting into the void and then I get spooked whenever someone interacts with my posts like wow. forgot this is real and public lmao

[wishinginvisibility]

I hate that sociability seems to come so naturally and easy to everyone around me. I feel so weird and off-putting around others. It doesn’t help that every other person has their own internal rules of what is and is not acceptable to say and I’m just supposed to infer that. It’s so hard to balance not being cagey and holding back basic information and also not oversharing. The line for that is apparently so obvious for everyone else and it’s so blurry to me. I either I answer questions incredibly vague or I accidentally let something personal slip and I hate it.

On a similar note it’s genuinely so hard to build social skills when you are weird and off-putting. Because people will just be openly mean to you if you say something kind of weird or if you act odd or whatever and no one says anything because it’s just?? Acceptable to be mean?? when someone isn’t already skilled socially?? Building social skills when you’re older and held to a much higher standard is basically signing yourself up for being a public punching bag. From my perspective anyways.

Also it’s so infuriating when someone has a problem with you and instead of telling you like a normal fucking person they drop the weirdest hints and talk shit about you to your mutual friends. Haven’t experienced that in a while now but it still pisses me off whenever I remember someone doing that.

[wishinginvisibility]

Feels like it’s just been day after day. not necessarily bad days. just very tiring ones.

[wishinginvisibility]

What’s with parents of teenagers wanting their kid to have a social life and then get upset when they have to drive their kid to the social events because their teen doesn’t have a drivers license and can’t walk there.