sophie's shack @wistfulgrace - Tumblr Blog

SOPHIE MADE A TUMBLR

hello! my name is sophie, im a trans girl from canada, and i really like games and writing. i like to write reviews of things i enjoy, as well as other stuff like poetry (mostly poetry right about now but ill dump some old reviews here too). its very tumblr-core content but i was always too lazy to make one, but now i made one, so here it is. i hope anything i make can touch you in some way

#introductory post

Weary Bones

A skeleton walks through the desert

Long after time has ceased

It traverses dunes and valleys

In search of life, and peace

The piercing sun beats down upon it

Cracking each and every bone

But the skeleton keeps trudging along

Until it finds its home

Throughout its years of life and death

The cadaver’s laid to rest

Its family, love, its hopes and dreams

Those weights within its chest

And while they watch, from deep below

They shake their heavy heads

For the skeleton betrayed them all

Until it wound up dead

So now it’s bound eternally

To these cursed, sandy plains

But a hope within still glimmers

Beneath all of its pain

So the skeleton keeps searching

For a purpose, and a home

And those weary bones keep walking

Until it makes this world its own.

a poem by me

#original poem #poems and poetry #poem #lost #family struggles

Streamers

I wake up

Eyes fuzzy, brain muddy

The world bombards each of my senses with noise

But as I calm

And I sit up from my rest

My empty grey room greets me

I look around

And there’s nobody in sight

Exactly like every day

I whisper to myself

My daily mantra

“What day is it, why am I here?”

But as if upon cue

Some streamers fall down

And noise fills my ears once again

Balloons hit the floor

A cake lands in my lap

And sparklers spin out from the walls

So I guess

I have something to celebrate

I dig into the cake

It tastes like cakes do

I have no complaints but no praise

But now that I’m done

And the sparklers have burnt

All of my interest has waned

As quick as they came

The decorations vanish

As if whisked away by a ghost

And now that I stare

Back at these grey walls

My heart sinks a little too low

I had gotten used

To the absence of colour

And the emptiness filled with just air

But now that I’ve had

That brief encounter with hope

It’s like I’m left back at the start

I don’t know when I’ll leave

Or when I arrived

But I know that I can’t stay for long

Or soon my eyes will

Adjust to the grey

And the streamers will look just like mould

a poem by me

#original poem #poems and poetry #poem #birthday #loneliness

Icy Windows

trapped in a box

my cardboard prison

its freezing windows

create burns on my fingers

but nevertheless

i grasp to the glass

begging my keepers

to free me at last

outside my enclosure

the people are playing

the singers are singing

and children are laying

on their backs in the grass

and without a care

they jump and they run

their arms in the air

couples embrace

as the day turns to evening

their eyes intertwined

they’ve synced all their breathing

and as i stare on

at the joy through the glass

i turn away

and i sit on my ass

that could be me

i think to myself

out making memories

not stuck on the shelf

but then all the walls

around me just shrink

as if to tell me

don’t you dare think

i miss the fresh air

so calm, but so freeing

it makes my soul ache

with all of my being

but since i can’t move

from my stout cardboard prison

i guess i’ll just stare

my fingers still freezing

a poem by me

#original poem #poems and poetry #poem #loneliness

Boxes

When I was young

I woke up one day

To see all of my toys

Shoved in a box

Written upon it

In permanent marker

Was a warning

“Keep everything inside”

So I kept it all in

And I played with my toys

Within these tiny cardboard walls

That confined them

But one day I thought

What if I didn’t?

And I yanked just one out

And played with it right on the floor

Nobody saw

But from that day on

I played with my toys, outside of their box

Hidden from those who could stop me

We can’t play with toys forever, though

And as I got older

That box never moved from its place

But a new one arose

This time filled with my clothes

With a new warning, now painted on

“This is all that you get”

It said in black scrawls

“And only take out what you wear”

So I wore the same clothes

Week in and week out

Until the gears turned in my head once again

I went out and shopped

For just a few pairs

Of pants and a couple nice shirts

I changed in my car

Put on new jewelry

And hid it all when I got home

These clothes stayed in my drawers

And when I left the house

It was always in clothes from the box

Now, I’ve grown up

And I’m flying the coop

And ripping my things from their boxes

They’re no longer stuck

And neither am I

The only boxes I need are for packing

But as I make my claim

In a world that’s my own

I notice a strange mesh around me

I scratch and I claw

But I just can’t escape

And I walk around covered in cardboard

This world called to me

So violently free

But now that I’ve entered its grasp

The box has returned

As big as can be

And wrapped me within its walls

I look back at pictures and messages from friends

And all of it serves to remind me

That while I’m alone

And this world can be kind

And everyone has good intentions

The box that I’m in just won’t go

And written upon it

Is a simple instruction

That tells me naught but who I am

“You are what we say

And you remain as you are

Your life and your meaning is ours”

So I stand in my room

Covered by the box

And I wonder, just who should I be?

But then I sit down

With my head in my hands

And I whisper, “That choice has been made.”

a poem by me

#original poem #poems and poetry #poem #trans #transgender

Ghosts

i close my eyes

and ghosts swirl around in my head

wisps of love

a hint of a hug

and a warmth, still foreign to the touch

i try to hold on to the slumber

praying that it’s somehow real

but these ghosts in my head

are unkind to me

and they all walk away like the rest

i open my eyes

and i’m met with the cold

and unfeeling gaze of the void

a summer so bleak and eternally long

it might as well last 15 years

where will i be when the end comes for me?

surrounded by warmth never known?

or will i be sat

on my bed chasing ghosts

with no one to wish me goodbye?

a poem by me

#original poem #poems and poetry #poem

The Veil

There was a point in my life

When a veil kept me safe

And hid all my boils from the world

Cysts on my face

Oozing green and black sludge

Pouring out over my skin

Spots on my back

Flashing pink, blue, and grey

Aching whenever I moved

The creaks in my bones

Each step that I took

Unlikely to hold me for long

All of my pains

And all of my lies

Were hidden beneath just one veil

I had everything

Such joy in my life

As long as I stayed underneath

But try as I might

I couldn’t hold on

Or hold myself back from the world

I grabbed onto a knife

And brought it up high

And cut the veil right at the top

And for a moment

I was free

But the world slipped away

And all of my joys

Would take a step back

And flee as they watched

The green and the black

The boils on my skin

Were too much to bear

And all of my loves

Would scatter and flee

Leaving my body

To torment just me

The veil has been cut

And I can’t bring it back

I’m left with the scars on my face

And though many boils

Have faded and healed

I still feel the pain that they left

The sun on my face

Is shining no more

As though my sweet veil is still here

a poem by me

#original poem #poems and poetry #poem #trans #transgender

abdalsalam2000

I will not forgive anyone who sees this post and does not support me with a single word and ignores me.

abdalsalam2000

I am writing this post with great sadness and sorrow after discovering today that my father has suffered a severe heart attack. In addition, my father has cancer and must be evacuated from Gaza as soon as possible. With the lack of resources, medical equipment, and supplies, his chances of survival are very slim.

abdalsalam2000

All I'm trying to do is collect as many donations as possible to survive in the hell of Gaza and escape at the first opportunity. Please give us your support and donate now. Your donation can give us hope for my father's treatment and for us to stay alive until we can get out of here. Please donate.

hotvampireadjacent

Nader's father urgently needs medical treatment, but resources in the Gaza Strip are extremely limited and treatment costs are very high. Please donate now to help them. This is an urgent humanitarian case. Please don't hesitate to donate whatever you can. Your donation could save the life of a father and his entire family.

abdalsalam2000

Putting everything else aside, this is a humanitarian crisis. My father is dying, and I don't want to lose him or witness his death. Please share this post widely and donate to us. Please don't leave me alone in my time of need. I have great hope in you and I'm counting on you. Please don't let me down and donate now.

punkitt-is-here

Nader is suffering deeply. Anything you can do helps immensely. If you're feeling hopeless, helping a Palestinian family out would do a lot of good for the world right now

abdalsalam2000

Please don't stop sharing. Please amplify my voice to the whole world. Please don't let me down or leave me alone. Please donate now. Please.

sporesgalaxy

Please, anything you can give will make a difference. Nader's father is struggling, but together we can help them. Share and give what you can to help

@taffybuns @dogpuppy @ot3 @jonahmagnus @tamamita @turtletoria @paper-mario-wiki

closet-keys

Nader's father is suffering from acute angina, cancer, and a herniated disc in his back.

He urgently needs medical treatment that is no longer accessible in Gaza.

Please help him raise money for travel and medical care so his father can get this treatment as soon as possible.

abdalsalam2000

I watch my father wither away before my eyes while support remains elusive. Every moment of neglect weakens him. Donate to my father today; your kindness could ease his pain and give him another chance at life.

punkitt-is-here

please support Nader and his father if you can; it would mean the world to me!

Found Family

i don’t really like the term “found family”

not because of what it represents

but because of what it assumes

that family is a given

automatic

that it never wavers

even when your voice,

your mind,

and your posture do

as you sit in a room

with people who, at one point,

knew your name.

that family is relational

that those links cannot break

and that blood supersedes all

even when it’s yours

dripping onto the ground

as they thrust a dagger through your heart

and twist.

that the bar is set permanently

that love can be qualified

that new bonds,

new breaths of life,

can never measure up

to the tree the apple fell from

even as its leaves wither

its branches rot

and its roots dry up.

i haven’t found my family

but i know that when i do

i will not add an asterisk

because family is trust

love

compassion

respect

laughter

sadness

anger

understanding

all wrapped up and running

much deeper than my veins.

a poem by me

#original poem #poems and poetry #poem #poetry #trans #transgender #lgbtq #found family #family #relationships

A World For Me

As my stocking is filled

And my heart is emptied

I look up at the sky at this moment of joy

And watch as the stars fade away

My glassy eyes have lost their spark

And the bags beneath them grow

And the season has lost its reason

Some divine act of cruelty

Or nasty device of fate

Has sapped me of my will

And robbed me of my spirit

There is a malignant love in the air

A condition upon the cheer

A set of rules to follow

Lest I walk astray

From the path that was set for me

The church is filled with candles

And as the baby lays in his manger

I mourn

As his beginning

Means little but my end.

The wicks go out

And the families soon follow

Until I am left all alone

This place was not made for me

This home is not mine

And I’m left to look nowhere but up once again

A star shines brightly

And upon it, I make but one request

The only gift

That could touch my heart

Tell me, little star

Is there a world for me?

a poem by me

#original poem #poems and poetry #poem #poetry #trans #transgender #lgbtq #christmas #holiday #the holidays are hard #whens queersmas

Into Pieces

It's late

And I’m alone at a table

Snapping LEGO bricks together

While the pieces inside me come apart

I’m building a flower

A poinsettia, in fact

With its dark outer petals

Giving way to a sweet, bright core

This table was once my home

Where I built and built

Placated and peaceful

Now, I’ve become but a guest

And my mind is full of noise

My work is finished

The flower stays intact

But everything else

That I’ve worked so hard to build

Has crumbled in an instant

My outer petals have gone dark

And I wake up with dread

And look inside myself

To see a rotting, festering, core

As these unfriendly walls

Eat away at me

On days like this, I wonder

If I fell into pieces

What would they rebuild me as?

a poem by me

#original poem #poems and poetry #poem #trans #transgender #lgbtq #poetry

A Dimly Lit Winter

My feet crunch on the newly landed snow

Surrounded by trees,

Almost building-like in their stature

But not quite.

The sun no longer sparkles on the fallen flakes of ice

Instead, the sky looms grey above me

And the wind nips at my cheeks

Back inside, everyone is cracking smiles

Their Christmas safe and sound under the tree

And their hearts as full

As their stockings

Me, my smile is cracking

And under the tree lies only broken promises

And long dead names.

I look behind me as I walk

And I notice the disruption I’ve caused

The snow has caved in around my feet

And it will never be the same

As it used to be

Before I changed everything.

I look ahead,

Ignoring what I’ve left in my wake

The sun shines ever so faintly

But it’s dimmer than it ever was

I remember many winters

Vibrant, joyful

I wonder where that joy went

Is it trapped in an apartment

Just two hours away

But so far out of reach?

Is it locked in the closet

Behind the layers and layers

Of clothes I left behind?

Is it in my heart

Shoved in a drawer

Too big to fit in my suitcase?

I don’t know

But I know it’s not here.

a poem by me

#original poem #poems and poetry #poem #poetry #trans #transgender #lgbtq

Elephant in the Room

I walk into the office

Purse hanging off my shoulder

Tucked under the hood of my big,

Heavy coat.

I walk up to the receptionist.

“I have an appointment,”

I mutter,

In a voice I’m scared to make heard.

“What’s your name?”

Though the room is all but empty,

Every eye within it descends upon me.

I swallow, and I say them.

“And which of those would you prefer?”

I beg and I plead to myself,

Make it easy.

I make it hard,

And I sit down.

I’ve made myself

The elephant in the room

With the voice

Of a mouse.

Each shuddering sentence

Is a plea for invisibility

But the tremors in my speech

Can be heard around the world

And all I have to say

Falls upon the ears

Of those I’ve made deaf.

I find myself caught

Between the world I left behind

And the one I can’t quite reach

And each passing smile

Or affirmation

Is just another piece of confetti

For the pity parade

So as I sign my forms,

And my tinny name is called,

I stand as tall as an elephant

And as quiet as a mouse.

a poem by me

#original poem #poems and poetry #poem #trans #transgender #lgbtq

Welcome

I stare at the sign on the door

“You are welcome here,” it says

So after some time

Of anxiety, indecision

I believe it

And I walk in

The room goes silent.

Where there was once chatter and laughter

There are stares

Whispers

And an evident desire for me to leave

So I do

I step outside

Breathe

Cry

And reach into my bag

Inside is my armour

That I thought I could do away with

It served its time

And I’m ready to shed its weight

But

I suppose it’s not my time

I wrap myself in the skinsuit

Cold, clammy, and a bit too small

I feel a shudder come on, but I push it back

I must not show weakness

I yank the fleshy mask over my face

It’s tight, and expressionless

But it has to do

I step back in

Everyone knows it’s me

But “me” has gone back to normal.

Conversations continue,

And the elephant in the room is successfully avoided

But the noise is so harsh

Names, phrases, memories

All pierce my ears and stab my chest

Each sentence I hear is like a thousand firecrackers

Going off within my head

It’s so loud

And I lose myself

A few hours pass

I get what I came for

And I bolt up

I have to leave, I announce

Perplexed stares around the room tell me everything I need to hear

As I walk outside, I look back at that sign

“You are welcome here.”

Who’s you?

a poem by me

#original poem #poems and poetry #poem #trans #transgender #lgbtq

PUBLISHED POET

sorry. not to alarm you. but Chrysalis magazine just released their first issue, and you're never gonna guess who got two poems in that thang. go ahead. guess! you won't be able to. but a slight hint... if you know all my poems, you'll recognize these. it is not "exclusive poetry." but it is very exciting for me to know that my words will reach other trans youth who can hopefully find something positive in them. thank you chrysalis for the opportunity and i hope to contribute more as i wind down my uh. youth!!!

#original poem #poems and poetry #poem #trans #transgender #magazine #chrysalis magazine #yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Corpse

The chain around my neck tugs and tugs,

Choking me,

Reducing my voice to a hoarse,

Putrid

Whisper.

On the other end lies a man,

Rotting and festering,

A year gone.

He had a name,

And it rings throughout my head.