With Child By Zindzi

Motherhood

[withchildbyzindzi]

Let me heal through writing

I tried alcohol,

but that’s definitely not for me

“Whiskey, neat,” they said

But baby,

you were the fruit in my vodka punch

the sweetness that made it worth drinking

Now I’m told to eat my vegetables

Fresh cucumbers are good for hydration,

or so I’ve heard

I still take mine fermented

People call it gin

Funny how I keep reaching

for things that burn on the way down

and calling it relief

What I really can’t stomach

is the way my mind replays us

the same scenes,

the same conversations,

the same unfinished possibilities

Each replay feels like a small negotiation with reality

maybe this time the fantasy becomes real,

maybe this time the ending changes

But memories are patient

They wait for hope to tire itself out,

then settle quietly into sweetness

And one day,

without asking permission,

you’ll stop being a possibility

and become a memory

I guess we’ll never know

[b-m-s-c]

[withchildbyzindzi]

When your creative juices start flowing,so does your milk(sigh)….

Motherhood is a journey that nobody can prepare you for, no matter how many books you read or how many moms you talk to. As a first-time mom, I have realized that people expect you to have it all figured out, but the truth is, there's no such thing as a perfect mom. Cut me some slack, Karen!

The joy that comes with having a newborn is unmatched. I remember the first time I held my baby, and it felt like a dream come true. But, to be honest, I did not feel love at first sight with my baby. I was puzzled, trying to look for some kind of familiarity until I held him and breastfed him. That's when I felt the wave of love hit, and yes, it is the best feeling in the world.

This love also comes with frustrations, and it's not about how much you love or don't love the kid. The first few days, I was so frustrated and thought I didn't love my son. But no, it's all part of postpartum baby blues as the body tries to get back to normal, and your hormones are confused. You end up being super moody for no reason.

When night comes, forget about the 8 hours+ of sleep you were having during pregnancy. Waking up after every 2-3 hours for your little person's feed is the new normal. Feeding comes with burping, sometimes they puke on your face (cries), hiccups, diaper change, soothing him to sleep, failing to sleep, trying again, you being hungry, fixing a snack, trying to rush back to get a complete hour of sleep (which sometimes fails), watching him sleep to make sure he is completely asleep before you put your head down.

The smiles that happen when they are sleeping are like little rewards for your struggle, and all frustrations magically fade. People expect you to know how to hold a baby, how to bath a baby, how to dress a baby without hurting them, how to breastfeed them correctly and making sure they burp, to lay them in bed correctly so that they don't choke in their sleep. Everything is too much for the mother, and you are expected to eat enough, be in the perfect mental health, somehow you are expected to have healed enough to do all these (even after going through surgery), and have your home in order.

If you miss taking care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of your little one. Yet, all this is already too much on your plate! Change happens overnight, yet you are expected to have mastered it all.

motherhood is a journey full of ups and downs. It's okay to feel frustrated and overwhelmed sometimes, but always remember that you are doing the best you can. There's no such thing as a perfect mom, so cut yourself some slack and enjoy the journey.

[withchildbyzindzi]

Postpartum anxiety

No one really talks about the anxiety that comes with having a baby…

You are in constant worry about many things

You are worried about yourself,about how you will snap back into your old self

How your healing journey is going,being careful not to get infected

Worried about your mental health and trying hard to keep it in check

Worried that you are worrying and that it will cost your milk supply

Worried about how you have neglected yourself, and the things you love doing,wondering if you’ll ever get time for them

Worried that you smell of fresh breastmilk,puke from last night, pee and poop from the last time you changed him and he showered you with them

Worried about not having enough sleep and you might end up fatigued

Worried about your child,this comes first

Am I a good mum?

Am I doing a good job?

Does he feel loved by me?Am I loving him enough?

Am I holding him enough?Am I overdoing it that he might get too attached

Worried if he is comfortable,

comfortable in his sleeping position,comfortable while carrying him

Worried if his head dangles and gets hurt

Worried that I might put him in a sitting position way too early and hurt his tiny spine

Might he choke in his sleep?

Did he breastfeed enough?

Is he in the correct breastfeeding position?

Do i have enough milk to satisfy him?

Will he have colic?

Is he having gas?

Did he burp?

Did he poop?

Is his poop the correct color and consistency?

Is he pooping enough,is he pooping too much?

Am i overfeeding him?

Is he gaining enough weight,is he overweight?

Did i bath him well?

Is he feeling fresh?

Is his environment clean and sterile enough for him?

Are all the bugs away from him?

Will he get a bug bite?

Is he feeling hot,is he too cold?

Will he be sick if I don’t overdress him?

Have I overdressed him that he might overheat and suffocate?

Even After dotting all ‘i’ and crossing all ‘t’ these thoughts still consume and you are expected to be on your best and show up for your baby without fail

Rarely do people check on the mother when they visit,they are always concerned about the baby,yet the mother needs at least three hours of uninterrupted sleep to gain her sanity

Someone to check up on their mental and to ask them how they are,REALLY,

I never knew I would be so worried about so many things all at once

No one told me about it

Im hoping to do better on my next and a perfect job with my first,despite it all.

[withchildbyzindzi]

“Pregnancy will humble you”

I’ve heard many pregnant women say this but I took it with a grain of salt

All I thought was how someone changes physically

But until I got pregnant and understood what “pregnancy will humble you” really meant

Pregnancy will humble you enough to love your new different self

It will humble you enough to love the parts of you that you thought were ugly

It will humble you enough to accept the person you were before is now dead and gone

You will be humbled enough to know that it will never be about you anymore (new sheriff in town)

You will be humbled enough to adjust and accommodate another human, to love and to care for them fully!

Pregnancy will teach you how to be patient,especially with yourself

Pregnancy will force you out of your comfort zone,it will make you do things that you thought you couldn’t

It will humble you enough to let go off control and accept to be taken care of and helped here and there

I have learnt to accept that as a pregnant woman, I am a delicate being but at the same time a strong human a “WOMAN”

Inasmuch as I have been humbled by pregnancy, I have come to learn how to appreciate my body and how to respect women better

[darkgreyarea]

Motherhood A “hood” that i’d totally wish any woman to have an experience in Comes with a lot of changes, physical and emotional to be specific and of course finacial. As one goes through pregnancy, so many mixed feelings are experienced, fear, excitement, only to name a few The best thing possible is to ride the wave and be positive, it helps a lot! Something helpful to do during pregnancy is taking care of your physical & mental health Good physical health will really be helpful especially when it comes to giving birth You need to observe what you eat and how you move These two will have a great impact on your baby as well Pregnancy is indeed a beautiful period

#pregnant_world #pregnancy #pregnant #pregnancynutrition #throughmylens #pregnancydiary #firstimemom https://www.instagram.com/p/Claxr4KIj-C/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[withchildbyzindzi]

My baby kicks are like little massages to my soul🖤

[withchildbyzindzi]

The moment i knew i had you in utero I took precautions, cautions and sacrifices

Just to make sure you are healthy and whole I no longer put my needs first I consider you before i consider myself

Love at first attachment...

[withchildbyzindzi]

The two red lines came with mixed emotions

Fear of losing my old self & meeting a totally new person throughout the journey

And excitement of meeting a totally new person throughout the journey

….motherhood.