The Rev. elfLiza said that her Catholic brethren call on St. Joseph to help sell a house. So... in the middle of my nap today Barry, MY guy with Brown, skidded thru the drive and tossed out a package with my verry own St. Joey d’Zillow.
Joey [in a Chelsea Boston accent]: ‘zup, paisan’? Da elf broad sez youse needs sum he’p.
Me: Thanks for coming out. Yeah... wanna sell up and move south. Now, you get that I’m like... Buddhist?
Joey: Imma good by that, man. Hard to get good gigs, ‘specially for saints dese days.
Me: Right. So... So... what am supposed to do here.
Joey: Blezzed jeebzus on pogo stick, man, people got so many ideas on how THEY think I’m ‘zposed to do my job that even I’m confused. Youse mighda noticed Imma 5″ tall and plastic, so Imm’ll settlin’ for whadevz.
Me: The Rev. elf said you were supposed to go out in the yard upside down...
Joey: I can get “down” wid dat. Dere’s couple a prissy-ass angels I wouldn’t mind mooning.
Me: Facing the road, or what?
Joey: Hmmm, might as well watch for traffic.
Me: how ‘bout out on a straight line from the door to the realty sign?
Joey: ... dat works. ... I can kind guide ‘em in like the guys over at Logan wid the orange flashlights... and let’s make it waaay out on the lawn in the deep grass so it’ll be cooler overhead, K?
Me: St. Joey... ? Y’know... with that Chelsea Irish accent I would thought you’d say “fuck” a lot more... jus’ sayin’.
Joey: ...Fuckin’ workin’ on it. EVery fuckin’ day...
Just before I dropped him off, he said, “Bro, you DO know this is ALL ‘bout the prayer thing, don’t you?”
Me: Yeah. Figured there was a hook on it somewhere.
Joey: It’s all good. Like the Nike logo sez, JustDoIt!”