lÖving Ü

[witneyhuston]

.

I'm glad that you're not underwear, because I never want to change you

[witneyhuston]

.

I wrote to RL Stine and told him to stop, because you're the only one who should give me goosebumps

[witneyhuston]

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When God made you, he didn't break the mould, he kept it in his garage and put lipstick on it

[witneyhuston]

.

I've eaten the only copy of your bucket list. Welcome to immortality

[witneyhuston]

.

You put the ointment on my disappointment

[witneyhuston]

.

I know you're not keen on there being a female best man, but, if you think about it, you and I would never have met if that gypsy hadn't cursed me

[witneyhuston]

.

I think you should stay in bed today, because you're NSFW

[witneyhuston]

.

I love your special nicknames for my penis—the baby laser, the helpful ranger, the South American question mark, and the homme hose, e.g.

[witneyhuston]

.

Loving you means saying goodbye to my blues. Cyan-ara

[witneyhuston]

.

Let’s promise to name our first born after the place where they’re conceived—the Stork’s Magical Baby Factory, 518 Cloud Street, North Heaventown, USA

[witneyhuston]

.

If you were to leave me now, I'd feel like I was an astronaut who's just been swallowed by a space creature. Alien-ated.

[witneyhuston]

.

Before I met you, I was such a depressed spreadsheet. Lots of cells-loathing

[witneyhuston]

.

Never forget that the true meaning of Valentine's Day is the same as the true meaning of Christmas: giving birth to Jesus in a stable

[witneyhuston]

.

I'm glad you didn't put me in the freud zone

[witneyhuston]

.

Before I met you, I referred to it as a wishboner

[witneyhuston]

.

Our love is blind—as in, most people now are actually pretty tolerant of us bumping each other, and also, one day, we might get a dog

[witneyhuston]

.

What would Jesus do is you