Wizard Astraz's Atypical Oddities

[wizardastraz]

Passageways

I’m walking down a dark hallway, lined with smooth stone, the irregular bumps press against my feet. The darkness presses in with comfort tinged with a speck of fear. Where does this hallway lead?

I don’t know how long I have been walking, isolated in this tunneled stretch. The air is fresh though I cannot discern from where. I sit down in the middle of the pathway and close my eyes. I settle in to my body and extend my senses beyond it. What do I feel?

Beyond the stone encasing I feel void. Just blackness stretching in all directions.  Is this a gateway, a wormhole of some sort? I can’t recall how I got here to this timeless place. I reach forward and backward through space and just feel the same endless maze extending on one plane. I bring myself back to my body and bring attention to the web of energy around my body. I feel the pulse of life cascading around me. I reach deeper into that pulse, feeling the throb of energy disorient my perception. Like tumbling down a rabbit hole over and around myself.

I reach deeper still, beyond the tumbling into that quiet place within, where the spark that innervates my awareness resides. I breathe it into life. The tell tale pin pricks of sensation spread from my core as each of the cells awakens to this surge. I grab hold of the energy produced, mentally shaping it like clay, forming it into a circle in front of me. I thread lines of the energy through it creating a complex geometric pattern within. It glows like the color of molten metal.

I continue pouring my awareness into the symbol, feeling the color against my skin and embracing the radiating force that shimmers from it. After I have checked my work, to ensure the symbols are in a placement that feels correct, I extend my perception through the circle, willing it into form, sparking it to life with the breath of my own pulsing core.

As my awareness reaches in I feel the circle waver as I see beyond. What was a circle with complex lines running through it, the endless passageway continuing behind it, I now see this passageway for what it is. The circle is now golden sparks, the lines have vanished and within this hole in reality I see an open vista, green grass and hillsides dotted with groves of trees grasping for the horizon. The air is serene and fresh, sunlight streaming through clouds of incredible volume and luminosity.

As I take in these sights I feel the Truth and Calling spell waver. It begins to slowly fade and as it does so the overwhelming scene is slowly replaced with the stone hallway until there is no trace of it left.

I slowly bring my awareness back to the surface and open my eyes, looking around. The walls still surround me with the smooth worn stone I have become so familiar with, though I now know where the fresh air is coming from. I am trapped in an illusion. An endless loop of hallways with no beginning and no end, beyond the illusion is the real world with crisp wonder and possibility.

How did I get here? Can I escape from this strangely comforting yet limiting illusion?

[wizardastraz]

Suffocating Shards

I was lying awake last night, tossing and turning in bed. Looking over my whole life, analyzing and reflecting, determining a point in its entirety if I ever felt like I fit in.

I noticed a common theme in all of my memories, at the back of my awareness there has always been what felt like a break or a blanket that separated my every day life from something so incredibly mystical.

In my every day life there is always a feeling of dissatisfaction, a feeling I can never shake, like a taxidermy cat, frozen in place and watching the world pass by. No matter which road I take in this world it leads to the same place, of course I have immersed myself in books, video games, anime, energy work, metaphysical and magical practices, herbalism and the occult to temporarily ease the discomfort that something doesn’t feel right.

Yet, these studies just produce a bandaid. Temporary fixes that overlay an immutable world. A world of control and rigid limitation. 

What happened to adventures, creating for the sake of it, the necessity of it? Is this just a world I keep myself from? Lamenting to myself that I can’t see what I know is there, when the reality is that it I am in it all the time?

Or is there something more? Something indeed unspoken. A memory of a forgotten time and land, now seeing mere shadows of when pulled upon by the machinations of imagination? 

I feel lost. Confused. Uninspired. 

I think of ancient worlds with unexplored lands. Magiq that runs freely and topographically shapes the material dimension. Cosmic travel that would introduce me to friends of sentient species with stories to tell of their interstellar journeys.

It provides a sense of comfort. But why are these thoughts limited to the confines of my mind? Is this the Magiq sought by artists over the ages. To manifest their thoughts externally in an attempt that maybe one day the world around them will be affected by it?

I can say that my mind has certainly been influenced by the creations of others, it has shaped me to follow a path of Magiq and mysticism, yet I feel now that I am at a dead end. A full stop. I cannot keep pretending to be ok in a world that doesn’t feel “ok”. To just do what I’m told because thats how life is. 

I don’t believe it. There are traces of real magiq in this world. I know there are. Just waiting to be found in hidden places, lock-wells that have been holding its secrets for millennia. I feel like I have a key to these locks, it is my point and purpose for living. I will not deny that no longer...I just don’t know where to go next. 

~ WAZ

[wizardastraz]

Chinese Dreams

I woke up a bit ago from the most curious dream. One I am not sure I have had before, not like this at least. 

I was on land it seemed. Outside. I had taken a bus or train to get there. I remember what felt like I had a few drinks? I also felt really out of place. I remembered having my phone, and then I didn't have my phone as I approached the place outside.

When I walked in, it was my first host family and some of their friends. 

My first host family from when I was in Taiwan...12 years ago. 

I was doing my best to pull on whatever Chinese I could remember, which wasn’t much. But they welcomed me in and got me some kind of strange beverage that had little seeds at the bottom and something to chase it with.

I remember feeling panicked because not only did I lose my phone, but I was also forced to remember what Chinese I could to explain the situation. Nobody seemed too bothered though. It was really really weird.

I don’t recall every having a dream and remembering speaking Chinese in it, even when I lived there. It had me thinking though of where I should go next and what I should do. 

I started looking into the scholarship to study Mandarin at the University there. Going to do a bit more research on it tomorrow, but definitely could be interesting to go back and continue studying. 

~ Wizard Astraz

[wizardastraz]

Someone to Talk To

I think I just need to write something out right now. For myself. I began casting a spell on myself today. A spell that I haven’t done in a very long time. Far more refined than it was before...or at least I hope so. It’s a spell of invisibility..sort of. Perhaps a bit more or less now. It’s like erasing the memory/awareness of me from any that are wanting to forget or staying forgotten by those that have. For some reason I feel such a strong need to completely disconnect from almost everything that my life was. My identity and everything I created. In order to begin seeking something I have been searching for. Something happened today that...honestly just made me feel shitty. For a number of reasons. I couldn’t tell if my feelings were justified or projected or what. I just know it didn’t feel good. I wanted to wipe myself off the face of the planet. And I saw the opportunity. I saw something I have been looking for. The resolve and determination to open the gates and pathways that lead to the unknown regardless of what may possibly happen. There is Magiq in this world. Somewhere. I am determined to always follow it. Whatever clues it leads and whatever paths it crosses. I will be there. No matter the cost. Perhaps it is a bit extreme to hide myself. Yet, mixed with the desire to write a new story for myself. A story of adventure and Magiq. Of purpose. I feel like I need to hide an aspect of myself for awhile to find myself. I have done this on one side of the veil already. It is time to go on the other side. Perhaps one day I will find harmony. Until then.. ~ WAZ

[wizardastraz]

Real Choice

I’m wondering about how many choices I’m given in a day. How many choices I’ve had throughout the years. How every choice potentially leads me down a different pathway. No more right or wrong the choice I chose, or the choice I didn’t. 

How many versions of myself exist throughout time and space? I wonder if these choices ever intersect? Perhaps at another choice point? It just unfolds like one massive web of possibility. Never disconnected or apart, always moving and connecting. 

Suppose there was a way to nudge these choices. Nudge these realities? Say, there is one reality where I come upon a large sum of money. Reaching out to that version of me, making contact and blending the two realities together. One reality is the choice to pull one on the other reality which then responds to the *Call of Choice*. 

When those realities come together it creates a new reality in both (or all) of the realities pulled upon. As more choices come into play from that reality choice, then it becomes more cohesive....or the reality binding won’t hold. Choose choices that support the binding and it will strengthen the bond integrating it and overriding/manipulating patterns that may be limiting.

- WAZ

[wizardastraz]

Staring To Infinity

How many lifetimes have I lived already on this planet? Dozens it seems like. Feels like just as many blogs that I have started and let go of. Yet here we are again.  After a series of circumstances that left me on the road to adventure with no job, no specific home, no relationship and no direction I am simultaneously filled with excitement and anxiety.

As a Wizard I strongly miss my books, the comfort of a good altar and some cozy reading nooks. But alas, I have chosen this path as a traveler. At least for now.

Jotting my thoughts down, hoping to reach someone but putting aside those hopes as that is not and cannot be the purpose of my focus. Too many times have I vied for attention in a world so chock full noise and distraction. I am learning that though I may be a man of knowledge and wisdom and I would hope it gets passed on, it is never guaranteed. So at least these thoughts get down out of my head to stop the god forsaken swirling.

I have been again putting my nose down to finding further clues to the whereabouts of the locks which keep magic from this world. As a child, I knew that my purpose here was to bring magiq back, to revive it and bring our memory back to it. 

Ah, our little forsaken human tribe, lost and forlorn since the ancient ones sealed us and our planet away in a quarantined dimension. The pain of it has caused so many human wars and senseless destruction. All in an attempt to fill the gaping hole where magiq and mystery used to lay, nestled between the mind and the heart. 

Now the mind wrestles with the very concept of magiq. Though it feels right, the veil of illusion has settled over the eyes causing doubt and confusion and discord. The heart, well, the heart is always confused. I have found over the centuries it has begun to harden and crystalize into something very unlike what it used to be in its glory a long time ago. 

Does this all sound like fantasy? Does it sound crazy or loonie? Ya, I’ve wondered the same thing. Tossing these ideas back and forth like a birdie in badminton. Yet, I wonder. Why would these questions exist in my mind? Why would the philosophy and theory behind my studies make so much sense if there was nothing to it. 

I’m sure most could attest, there is something very not right with how the world is in its current state. The unbeatable game is seems like. Yet where there is a will there is a way. I feel that way is internally accessing something long hidden within. Bypassing all the external distractions and pitfalls to find something that has been there all along. 

Hmmm, curious. 

~Wizard Astraz