advice blog for wlw

just another wlw advice blog! be sure to read our links before asking

[wlwhelpsite]

1/2 Is this a semi-universal experience: your relationship with straight friends changing after coming out? Mine started being weird after I started dating. They are good allies generally, but they relate to my queerness quite awkwardly- aka me very sexual questions, when they never do that to each other and I to them. They ask me about lesbian sex, but don’t let me talk about my experiences with queerness in general- like internalized homophobia, coming out, gay bars etc. They only seem to be..

only one half of the question came through, but i think i get the gist of it. personally i didn’t experience this because my circle of friends has always been pretty gay even before any of us knew it, so i never really had the experience of coming out to straight friends. however i have heard MANY stories of this happening to other people after coming out. some straight people tend to be very... shallow when it comes to understanding the gay experience and for some reason (the reason is how media portrays us and our relationships but i’m too tired to get into that rn) the thing they’re most interested in is how we have sex. so yes, this is a common experience.

if any gays who’ve had this happen to them wanna chime in with how they dealt with it feel free.

[wlwhelpsite]

(1/2) so I’ve decided to rid myself of my last closet and come out to my aunts/uncles and grandparents. I moved to another country and I’ll be home for Christmas-that’s the only time I can do it. I gathered up the courage and I happily shared it with a friend.

(2/2) She says I’m trying to be provocative to do it during Christmas, that I’m disrespecting their religion and I shouldn’t mention anything unless they ask me. It made my cry. That’s the only time my big family will be all in the same place. I need some validation and love to gather my courage again. This was such a patronizing and heartbreaking conversation.

this made me so mad i got low blood sugar. what a terrible thing for your friend to say to you like wow. it takes so much courage to come out to anyone and the fact that you’ve come so far already is honestly amazing. a friend should offer nothing but support when you decide to come out. the idea that gay people come out just to be “provocative” and start drama is such homophobic bs and i really wish people would stop saying it. there is absolutely nothing wrong with you coming out on christmas especially since its the only time you’re able to. also the fact that your “friend” seems to care more about your relatives’ religion than they care about you is... i don’t even have the words to describe it. you have every right to come out whenever you want to. good luck anon

[wlwhelpsite]

1/2 Hello! Hope you re having a great day/night! If you can, i need some advice. there is this bi girl i wanna befriend who keeps flirting with me, usually the moment anyone gives me any sort of attention i get attached so so fast. But the more she flirts the more i wanna keep distance but i really really want her to be my friend. and this makes me re think my lesbianism(?) -🌸

2/2 I ve had couple of crushes here and there and im soo fucking attracted to women, and -1000 attraction to men. But the fact that i dont feel things for this girl makes me question Everything. maybe its bcz she explicitly told me she has a man sex partner whom she very much enjoys having sex with. but this is really really bothering me. Im soo happy w being a lesbian and i dont want to go through the questioning phase again. I hope this isnt too tasking. Thank you so so much💖-🌸 

you don’t have to have a crush on every girl who flirts with you to be a lesbian. and i wouldn’t like a person who already has a partner to be flirting with me either.

[wlwhelpsite]

I'm currently identifying as a lesbian and it feels nice because I love women and everything but I have a big problem I guess? The problem is I'm super lonely and bc of that I feel like I'll date anyone because I just want to be with someone. But in reality, I don't think I actually like men. When I look past all the loneliness all I really want is to be with a woman. And that's valid but I get scared because everytime the loneliness kicks in I start questioning. I really don't know what to do.

that’s the lesbian experience 😔😔 i feel that way a lot too but desperate times pass and afterwards i know that it was just my codependency. your mind plays a lot of tricks on you when you’re lonely and you just kinda have to wait for them to pass? like you know who you are, and when you actually think about it you know you don’t want to be with a man and that seems pretty lesbian to me

[wlwhelpsite]

Ok so i asked this girl out last december. And she said she would think about it but wanted to try getting over her ex first. Now its been almost a year and i still really like her. And i wanna try shooting my shot again cause i reallly like her. But im scared that its creepy or weird that i still like her after all this time. Like wouldnt a normal person have moved on by now? What if i just freak her out and she thinks i only stayed her friend to get with her? And then she thinks im gross.

i don’t think it’s weird or creepy! if someone kept liking me for a year i would be so flattered. most people understand that you can be friends with someone while also having feelings for them. i say try again and if she says no then you just stay friends.

[wlwhelpsite]

I have a crush and idk how to act help... also i get sad bc when i tell my friends i have a new crush, they always say things like "she's annoying", "she's ugly", "she looks fake" like ????? The heteros are upseteros

hets are just jealous bc we have better taste. also idk how to act around crushes either uhhh good luck with that

[wlwhelpsite]

hii I need advice I get asked out by girls but I always seem to find a reason to say no or to not have feelings for someone. I know it could be internalized homophobia or me being insecure but I’m not sure and I feel like an ass for turning people down or being cold and I’ve never dated anyone partly bc if this. Is that weird?

i’m not sure i get what you mean by “finding a reason” not to have feelings for someone. usually you just do or you don’t. it kind of makes it sound like you’re denying yourself the chance to develop feelings for someone if that makes sense? but turning people down doesn’t make you a bad person, sometimes you just don’t feel the same way about someone and you can’t do anything about it. that’s being said there’s nothing wrong with going on a date with someone and deciding you don’t want to have a relationship, that’s kinda what dating is for. if you think it could be internalized homophobia or insicurity i recommend analyzing your feelings on that a little more. i can’t read your thoughts so that’s something you’ll have to come to your own conclusion about. hope this helps!

[wlwhelpsite]

Hi so I don't know if you are willing to deal with dumb arse lesbians, but I need slightly maturer lesbian's opinions. There's this girl at my school, and we started hanging out. I ended up telling her I like feathers and now she just keeps on giving me feathers and putting them in my hair. Is this flirting?? IS THIS FLIRTING?? I know she's bi it was one of the first things she told me I'm scared. She also spammed me with selfies as soon as she got her phone and I'm scared help

YES THAT’S FLIRTING

[wlwhelpsite]

is it transphobic to not wanting to have anything sexual with a pre-op trans woman? it’s just that basically d*cks repulse me and i keep seeing people saying that it’s transphobic and i just feel conflicted because i’m always trying my best to be a good ally to the trans community and it makes me feel kinda like an hypocrite (idk if any of this makes sense, also sorry if there are any mistakes but english isn’t my first language)

i mean i guess not? i’m not a trans woman so i don’t have the final say in this but I think as long as you’re not writing off all trans women by assuming their genitals i think you’re fine

[wlwhelpsite]

Hi, i was the girl that asked the last question on your blog, and i just wanted to say thank you. I didn't know internalized homophobia was a thing, and it actually explains a lot of things i do. I also wanted to say something else. When i have a guy friend, i try to convince myself i like him, and that im actually bi, and i always get the feeling that im lying, even though i know i don't like guys :(( sorry for sending so many asks but i don't know anyone else that knows about these things.

sounds like compulsory heterosexuality. i don’t have time to find an article on it atm but all you have to do is google it and some will show up. we also have a tag that you can look through. also don’t worry about sending asks! that’s what the blog is here for

[wlwhelpsite]

Hey, so im a lesbian, and that's for sure. But every time i have a crush i feel super weird, like if im doing something wrong, and i feel bad when i talk to somebody about it. I also feel like this just because of being gay. It almost feels like im commiting an awful crime :( any advice?

internalized homophobia is a bitch thats for sure. here’s an article on it you can read. lgbt centers are also helpful so if you have one in your area you can look into that! if that’s not possible you can probably find communities online where you can talk about it (i guess that’s kinda what you’re doing with this ask lol)

[wlwhelpsite]

just fwi i’m the only active mod and i can’t answer every question. if you don’t get answered please don’t take it personally! i do my best but i’m only 17 so there’s some things i don’t have the answers for either

[wlwhelpsite]

hey, i was wondering: is it possible to be nonbinary and a lesbian ? bc i’ve always identified as nb and bi but i realised i’m not bi so can i be a lesbian ??

yep it’s totally possible! there are lots of us so welcome to the club bro

[wlwhelpsite]

@ anon from a few days back who was asking about their internet friend who they had a crush on: don’t listen to anyone saying you can’t like someone you haven’t met irl. me and my gf met online as internet friends and have been now dating for about a year (and we have met only once). where long distance definitely brings challenge, it does not make your feelings or the relationship any less valid than a ”normal” one, so i hope you will (or have) pursued this girl if your feelings tell you so! 💗

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[wlwhelpsite]

@ short anon im almost 6ft and my gf is 4'7" and it's just another part of the most beautiful girl ive ever met. Your height isnt a problem x

see anon you got nothing to worry about

[wlwhelpsite]

last anon - don't worry about it. there are plenty of lesbians who are into short girls. i'm 5'8 and my gf is 4'11!!

!

[wlwhelpsite]

i love your thoughtful answers. i was wondering if you could help me go about finding a gf when i'm so short snooki's got 2" on me. i've always loved girls and was even lucky enough to go to a high school where there were a couple other lgbt+ people ! we didn't date, but we talked and i heard over and over that my size makes girls feel like giants which they don't like. i worry that nobody in college will date me and all my friends in couples will know why and do that "awww its ok ur cute" thing

huh i’ve heard straight girs say they don’t like short guys but i’ve never heard it from wlw. i personally love short girls because i like feeling tall lmao. i don’t think you’ll have trouble finding a gf just because you’re short