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Frank Ocean for Wolfgang Tillman’s Studio, 2015.

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10x harder.

I consider myself to be a very realistic person, so “New Years Resolutions” is something I’ve never taken part in. I’ve never set a goal for myself for a new year because subconsciously I’m afraid of not reaching it. But I’ve been hating the way I’ve been feeling lately, and something’s gotta give. In 2017 I promise to go harder. In school, at work, and anything that I decide to take up recreationally. I’ve come to the conclusion that the worst thing I can be told is no, and I would rather hear that than to wonder what could’ve happened if I would’ve tried. I’m coming for any and every opportunity. I’m so introverted, I never like to step out of my comfort zone because of my social anxiety. But FUCK people. I’m coming for everything I think I deserve in 2017 and more. I need to get up and do something for myself. Nothing is going to come to me if I don’t go out and chase it. I’m hungry man. I’m way too fucking intelligent, kind-hearted, and headstrong to not make something of myself.

In 2017 I also want to stop thinking negatively. My problem is I’m so realistic, sometimes it transfers into pessimism, and I’m always assuming and preparing myself for the worst of anything to happen so I don’t get my hopes up and get disappointed. Well I need to stop that shit. All positive thoughts and affirmations in 2017. I’m a Capricorn, so my self-worth tends to come from my accomplishments. If I’m not actively doing something, I feel worthless. I want to be so busy in 2017 that I don’t even have the time to overthink and talk myself into feeling like that. I go through this feeling every winter, this phase of feeling really self-conscious and down about myself but this winter I’m going to do something about it.

I thank my lucky stars that I’m as blessed as I am. This year I graduated high school, I got a job and I finished my first semester of college. I’m thankful for that. I’m thankful that I’m not in the place I was freshmen year of high school, depressed, alone, unsure of myself and suicidal. I never want to go back to that place again. And I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure I don’t. I feel like I’m going through a midlife crisis and I’m just turning 19 January 13th. I’m too young to be feeling this old word to Drake!!

I pride myself on being able to finesse everything, let’s see how I can finesse my way through 2017. I hope this helped someone out there feeling the same way. We can do this. Much Love. More Life.

- O.

#thoughts #life